Volatility Bands

2010-04-30T14:10:00.002+01:00

So many years have passed but maybe not so much time...
As I have watched life scroll by as though we were watching a slide show of some sort..
I've come to learn many lessons..some good, well some not so...
Life as I've come to find is neither black nor white.
Just all sorts and shades of gray and tones with hues
Being content is probably one of the greatest secret of all..
God loves us, so why be worrying for the morrows.
I expect a lot, I dream for so much..
But God is control..and that is the base line..

It's been a while..

2010-04-30T14:04:00.002+01:00

So I have ignored my blog for a long minute but I think I'm ready to reaquaint myself..It's not that I havent been writing..its just been stored and kept in various little corners..oh well..its good to be back

Q4

2008-09-21T23:36:00.004+01:00

Practically three-quarters through the year and this has been a stellar year..the world as we know it has changed but never has it been so important to acknowledge and emphasize that the source of our power is God and so even though all things shatter..we stand firm and strong..knowing that because He lives, we can face tomorrow and there is no such thing as fear..

As we surge towards the end of zero eight- we remain expectant..Loving God, Loving Love and Loving Life...

January..

2008-01-28T20:19:00.000Z

Night comes and I will My Own to come home to me..tired, exhausted, wasted..but willing and restlessly he seeks out my voice, different and distinct from all the cluttering that can ring in a Man's head. It leaves me panting and unsophisticated..but content and still..The skies are angry and darken but My Own is in my arms...rocking by the fire that is Our Love and the Strength that is Our Life...The clock ticks and I tuck him into Our Nest..and watch the lamp play with the angles on his firm, characteristic jaw..All mine, All here...I sigh..planting a kiss on that forehead that will worry if I cry..or if the bed bugs bite....I hear him stir in the dark and I feel him seek me out, unrelenting in his efforts as I groan silently, trying not to falter the art I have come to worship..Skin to Skin..he finds and knows me and I feel like its the first time again..just like I did the night before and the night before that....Through muffled sounds from somewhere inside I ask if He does..and He smiles that smile that is only for me..And that is Enough..hisss..and with another sigh He rocks me to sleep, sweet and rhytimically like I was a new born babe...and as I dry desperately hang on to these moments of bliss..before the light comes and I lose him to that world again..tearfully still, I tear myself away as somewhere inside, the voice reminds that He is mine and haste I must make for all must be at peace when he cometh home tonight..My Love, My One, My All

Questions...not rhetoric

2007-11-12T18:20:00.001Z

Is it wrong to think that life is o'er simple?
As right from wrong gets blurred, where do people place God in all this?
Do you know that I'm not half as cynical as I sound?
Will love fnd me even if I'm running a mile?

What happens after we cross that line?
Will you be there when the chips fail me?
What If our love was indeed meant to be?
How will I know if you really love me?

What will they say when we tell them our news?
Can our love survive the normality of life?
When people pry, how will we cry?
If our love dies, where will we hide?

Forbidden

2007-09-28T15:53:00.000+01:00

I had a really weird dream last night…I woke up panting…
Tossing and turning indecisively…my mind deliberating..
Caught between this world and Peter pan's
Compare and contrast these rhythms, not blues..

Refusing to give in to the desire within..I give in whimsically
The door's left ajar and I peep in..breathlessly
What it is that lies within moves me to tears
The forbidden fruit plagues me o'er so tirelessly

Crying my heart out..ever so decidedly
Resolve was quick on the mark..no questions suprisingly
The fate that haunts me I did dare to find me
The sweet nectar of it all I now vow to enjoy

Awake in a flash..while the memories abound
Lying there motionless…confuses me paradoxically
Back in the real world and the shivers resume
Long term the forbidden fruit will leave me not unharmed..

XXV

2007-08-22T18:00:00.000+01:00

As another year euphorically comes knocking at my door..
I apprehensively behold the visitor that I must embrace with open arms
Quarter of a century now, and I still feel less than two score ans
But I smile in the knowledge that where it counts…I’ll live on
Pondering and expecting the mysteries to come..

I’m still on the road where one must learn to Love God, Live Life and Love Life..
And flipping the pages one year back, I laugh at the one at my door
Because I am learning and loving this journey to who knows what.
Peeping through the keyhole is such an arduous task so..
I’ll continue to love today’s girl knowing that TG is safe and warm in His Embrace..

I remain eternally grateful to all the ones who continue to love me regardless..
Undeservedly, I pray that when 26 comes knocking this time next year..
I still continue to count you amongst the ones I love regardless of what may or may not..
Nothing more to say..
Here’s to God, Here’s to Life, Here’s to Us

What's in a Hedge?

2007-06-21T13:56:00.000+01:00

Timing is everything, as young Menina has come to learn. And when it all comes down to it, the human being is a selfish creature, instinctively designed to protect itself. So the difficulty begins in attempting to achieve the balance in living life to the fullest but just never getting hurt. Let's face it - It just sucks to hurt, and yes, some argue that this is a necessary evil in one's development but I'm just not convinced..

I've come to realise that instinctively I hedge..Provide a hedge for my feelings, my friends, my work and even the guys I like. As is the case with some hedges, the up-side is limited because of the necessary steps taken out to protect the downsides, and then they're the cases where you just pay up-front to protect you from the worst case event while letting you enjoy continued participation when things are going your way..the question is how much is one willing to pay? And is it in fact really necessary at all?

Can't conclusively respond to any of these questions..human beings are diverse and have varying personalities..I will say however that personally, hedges just make sense for me..Enjoy the ride when things are good but put a structure in place somewhere in there just in case...Is this a self-fulfilling prophesy..I don't know? What on earth am I on about? Go figure..

The other thing with hedging is that one most ask...How much do I hedge? This will obviously be a function of your risk appetite and what expectations you have. When it comes to hedging against adverse behaviour from human beings, its difficult to know..People will always be people..and really as long as you know what to expect..surely? You can't be overly surprised.

I'm coming round to appreciating the simple things in life: A good conversion over an excellent meal, an interesting evening with someone I care about, a phone call just when I needed it, a text filled with laughter designed just for me, giggling with my beautiful mother over nothing and everything..Life can be good..what about a surprise check in from a blast from the past, or a rush of chemistry from someone you like..All in all, I'm a good memory collector..All I want to be able to do is to look back and smile...

Some thing's are permanent and some things endure...Maybe the greatest hedge is just to understand timing and know exactly when to let go..

Soweto..Soweto..

2007-05-25T17:01:00.000+01:00

Joburg was quite an experience. It was euphoric to be momentarily part of a place that had been through so much yet managed to still show signs of promise. Thanks to RBOARF, I met quite a few young Africans that were thankfully not Nigerian. It was good to see the African diaspora, proud and ambituous. It was good to see people talking and thinking of a time when "Africa" as a whole will have so much and so many to boast about..

...And yet there were still the signs of bitterness and anger of a people recovering but not forgetting about a past filled with horror, death and pain. Restricting oneself to the city centres of Sandton and the like..you almost feel like the history is being drowned by the capitalist grasp of huge malls, dainty restaurants and fancy people. There have been progressive steps taken to address the imbalance in wealth distribution between the black and white South Africans so there are new cliques of young Africans awash with cash et al from the Corporate bees that have taken the South African city by storm. Nevertheless..the true wealth still lie with the white South Africans and that's obvious when you drive down roads in certain neighbourhoods or peer into many an expensive restaurant. There are still a lot of black South Africans immersed and held hostage by poverty in this city that's pregnant with the promise of things to come. How will these be given a chance?

Venturing into Soweto.I feel my blood rushing with the acknowledgement of the history in the air and the ground beneath me. It helped that we had Tebogo, who spent a lot of her childhood in this township. She's proud of where she's come from and she's eager to share and give us a little bit of what it is that makes Soweto special. We go to Freedom square to look at the tenets of the new South Africa and although we know that we still have a long way to go, we also acknowledge that a journey of a million miles starts with one foot step. We drove past some hostels where foreigners dare not venture near for fear of being clubbed to death but we also whiz past the hugest church I had ever seen which apparently doubles as a life style complex with shopping facilities, shelter and more.

We went to the Hector Pieterson museum, Hector being the first kid to be killed in the 1976 uprisings. One can't help but wonder how a human being can shoot down a child in cold blood and then go on to kill many others just because they stood for what they believed in. All because they asked was not to be taught in the slave masters language...Moving on painfully, because I'm not versed in South African history, I think about all the other wars in Africa that have been fought for unjustifiable causes..I think of how much Africa is still being manipulated by the powers that be.and I marvel at how we sit content in our silos..and do nothing..Blood, blood and more blood has been shed but still the war rages on..what to do?

Moving on to Vilakazi street, where Nelson Mandela once resided and Desmond Tutu still lives..we see the emergence of new business opportunities in the form of B&B's and tourist merchandise.We also get to see the grounds of Winnie Mandela's mansion heavily protected by guards...and I'm happy I came to Soweto..where women still gather in their nightgowns and hair nets early in the morning to discuss the past days events, where people still exude warmth and ambition even though they've been through so much..There's just something about the African spirit..We are just difficult to break..We keep on going..regardless..

Having lunch on Vilakazi street, I had to marvel at the number of sleek, new BMW's that drove past me. The nouveau rich who have left the township constantly flow in to show the people that they have "arrived"..I must have counted more than 200 BMW's and we only sat for a couple of hours. BMW have apparently opened up a plant in SA citing the demand for their cars as a good business reason. My SA friends tell me that there is no type of car that one can't find on the South African road..If it's been made, you will find it there..

After a beautiful meal served by the chirpiest waitress I have ever met (Elvis, one of the guys ordered a beer and she announced happily that he would have to be innovative in opening the bottle as the bottle opener has been mislaid earlier in the day! And she said this with a straight, happy face.), we headed back to the Joburg that most people know and acknowledge with the fancy restaurants, big malls and western taste..

All I can say is..RBOARF..Thank you for giving me Soweto.

Apr 26..

2007-05-06T19:17:00.000+01:00

My phone went missing yesterday..Truthfully, I didn't even realise it was lost! I got a call on my BB from a friend who spoke to the good Samaritan that found and safe guarded my phone..Miracles happen..God looks after his own...The norm is reversed constantly..

I'm stubborn when it comes to insisting that one can spend one's life overcoming the odds and living out the dreams which most people dismiss because they seem to be far fetched or slightly unusual. To be fair, I've come to accept that quite a few people think I've naive and/or maybe a dreamer...and although I'll always argue..deep down..they can't be too far from the truth..

I'm finding that my thirst for pushing the boundaries is increasing as life gets along and it's exciting but still scary. Until very recently, I was sure I wanted a husband, a house and the kids just before I was thirty..But now I'm really not so sure..I think about having a soul mate and I'm happy and excited but then I think about routine, school fees and household bills and then it all breaks down..There's so much out there and I haven't even begun to scratch the surface..I have this intense curiosity about people, their culture..the things that drive them..the way they do things...

As much as I am very guilty of subscribing to stereotypes..the times that I've been decent enough to think..I've been pleasantly surprised! People are always people and I'm convinced somehow that everybody has a heart and is capable of good even if they've chosen to do evil..Why do people go down the wrong path? At what point does the innocent child become a thief/murderer or anger filled and full of hate. I've come to realised that the world is the way it for a reason. People will never get along..The Palestine and Israeli conflict will continue to be fuelled by people who look the same but have rallied around different agenda's. We will all pick where our loyalties lie and rally round a cause plus be prepared to die for it. Miscommunication will always breed divorce and the world will continue to be stuck in a vicious circle where people focus on "I" and forget the "we" that would make more sense..

Is the world wrong? Who can be blamed? People have stories which feasibly justify and moralise their actions..The justification for actions taken by two parties cannot be fully resolved if a person decided to be as neutral as one can be.In the end, we choose to side the story that we understand..Women take sides and sympathise with the he fellow who has been mistreated by a no good guy who has men sympathising with him because they understand the oath that means that love cannot be let in because that girl crushed him as he tried.

Right? Wrong? Sometimes, it just does not matter. There will be lots of fights which we can fight but I think the point where we win is where we can and should fight but don't..just because...Yes, as usual in my naive and aloof way, I have over-simplified the issue..But life in its basic form should be simple..I'm in love with the simplicity that it is life..Having friends but not too many that love me just the way I am..Falling in love unthinkably with a guy and living together for better or worse, through fights and mishaps, ecstasy and the world..Sticking close to good and taking each day as it comes..Dreams are what the world is made of..phew.

When I look at TG(Tomorrow's girl)..I really can't see her bored to death, discussing husband demeanours and waiting for the kids to come home. I can't see her working to live and struggling to survive with kids everywhere and a husband she abhors. Nobody can see this happening to them admittedly..but the reality is it does happen..The reality is that we all think we're going to live happy ever after with the house, hubby, kids and the dog..But somehow, somewhere, some things just seem to go wrong!

Still-I choose to consciously keep on believing in beating the odds..I want to live, love, travel..I want to ride the stakes and win..and maybe cry when I lose..I want to be 75.. and content in the knowledge that I've lived, loved, ridden the waves and won..I want to be one of those old women who you see walking around with their heads held high because they've fought life and won..This might mean redefining the rules, going against the grain, giving up the dream if a hubby, house and the kids..I don't know..Contentment is relative and a personal assessment of of what we wanted vs... what we got...Surely, somehow..If you strive to get what you can and just accept and be happy that it should be something you want..life might become much simpler..

I'd like him to love me for life and want kids who reach for the sky....I'd love us to spend the summers in our house on the coast and really I want my friends and their kids out there with us. I want to live in the sun in a house surrounded by flowers of all types..The crib will be tastefully furnished and my pets, well behaved and groomed..Yes- I have a dream..but should he decide to leave and the kids decide to flee..If the pets go astray and the house never emanates..then I'll drop the past in the past..and remake my wee dream..

Life is really what we make of it..God is a God of Love and all power lies in his hands..Nothing is impossible..Everything is possible...If I think it, I can have it.If I fall down, all I have to do id dust off and try again..

Being single does not have to equate the advent of alone-ness.. Allow your heart to love and be loved..What's the worst that can happen? Your heart gets broken, you cry for months but dust yourself off and try again....In the end, it doesn't really matter..Life will always trot along, regardless..Don't stick to what you know, test the boundaries, see for yourself..Dream..dream..dream..but let your dream be a verb and something might happen.

I might be naive, curious and restless..but I'm bullish on love and all that life has to give..There'll be fire and storms but there'll be sunshine and fun..Friends will come and go as will love after love..but I'll still be here curious, waiting to see what comes up next..The ones who will stay have been known to Him since the beginning of time..so what can I do but to go with the flow..It's good to know that he forgives because I'm constantly falling off..Thank God for Jesus and the price at the cross..

It's good to be on a high because sometimes I'm low but hey..It's all part of the process..If you meet me tomorrow and I'm arguing the impossible..just let me be..Its the risk I've been born to take..

My Samaritan found my phone and chose to go against the odds..and my life has been full of instances where things have worked out strictly against the grain..So if you see TG with all my dreams come true...just laugh and be merry...It's all in the name..

We ponder..

2007-04-22T19:55:00.000+01:00

Sitting at my desk, right here and now..I wonder about time.Sometimes, the inquisitive me feels like I would spare a mess of porridge, Just to know, just to have a little peek at what the future holds. Would it make today easier knowing what the deal was with tomorrow?
I really don't know..but I'm sure there's a reason God protects us from the futureI need to learn to live in right here and now. The weekend is nearly over..my Friday's future has become Sunday evening's past. It's all so intruiging how my future's rapidly become my past. All the had I knowns useless, sometimes even a second after..
I'm curious to know what tomorrow's me will have in store for us? What will happen today to make chisel and shape her from the me that's here today? Time has away of telling tales on the ones who's its been travelling with.. ? I just hope those tales take it easy and are pleasant on meOne word uttered cannnot be taken backOnce the ball's been set in motion.. Sometimes, we just have to sit back and watchI'm burdened by the me of tomorrow for some strange reason..tonight.. I'm hoping I won't let her down and be careul..I must..or will what will be, be regardless? I need to live in here and now.. But the she of tomorrow knocks at my door.. Perpetually..
What to do?

Hmmm...

2007-04-15T18:53:00.000+01:00

I'm starting of this week - happy, sad, content, confused, torn up...I'm heading the way of an emotional wreck..Times like these cajole you to take the easy way out and not think..The last ten days have been amazing for reasonsI can't even begin to describe. Some things just feel right even when you don't even try at all..I always default tothe logical when times like these arise- but not this time..

HK- Thank you for being you and much more than that..We've gone and complicated our lives even more but you know what -I don't care..If there's one lesson we've learnt in the past week or so, then it's that we only have ONE life to live..And we both know we're not going down like that..Thanks for making me feel one with a world which only months back- would have been alien to me..Thanks for the conversations inspired by the diamond that is your heart..I'm grateful that you let me in..regardless..
Ours has become an intrinsically complex case..threatening to challenge the source of our identities..but sometimes, theend justifies the means..

Thank You..lets see how this tale unfolds..

Prestige..

2007-03-28T20:32:00.000+01:00

So you urge me to walk your way
Even though you know I cannot stay
It hurts me so to see you wait
Especially since I have to go
Leave!

Last night, I watched you sleep
Snoring soundly to my pulse
Burying myself in your embrace
I willed you strongly take your leave
Please!

You light my world with just one look
Your eyes the window to my soul
But can't you see it wouldn't do
To place my heart inside your keep
No!

The dress I bought will shake your world
This date will rage your loins no doubt
But as I turn and say goodbye
This time will be the final bid
Sigh!

March On..

2007-03-28T20:28:00.000+01:00

So on a surprisingly fine day..at the end of last March
Spring time just kicked in.. the air rife with the thought..
At Butler Wharf they meet, these two dear strangers of mine
I know them both well, a bit at the least
And from a distance I watch as they dine and make feast

Says one to another- chirpy banter they make
As the real drama plays out ..unspoken and as silent as night
Thing is..I can read both their minds..so this is classic at best.
The Lion and the Virgin, oh dear..what will they say?
Still watching and smiling, my head in a twirl..

As different as peas, this way and the next
The mystery palette painting a picture of clues
The rebel in a bottle and yea shy of hints
The conservative giggler, distrusting as any
Yes, three peas in a pod..Him, Her and Myself

What if he asks her to dance and she waves him away
Fiery Nigerian girl with so much to say..
And if the wine doesn't take him so far
Will his notions die out unborn and dismayed

And if she asks him to tell as the Lion thinks it
Will he think her intrusive, English man with the spirit
Before the wine takes him so far, the challenge will be
Can he show her himself, relaxed and unguarded

The questions abound as the meal fizzles out
These two strangers of mine still chirpy at best
Guarded, politely, they go on and on
The spoken, the unspoken ve all come out to play
Parallel and unnoticed in this unhealthy unison..

RIP

2007-03-13T23:03:00.000Z

Life is so delicate
This is brought home so much more when you lose a loved one
One minute someone's there and the next they're no more
I lost an aunt today..
She left home like everybody else, rushing to a meeting she didn't know she would never make
I can imagine her asking her driver to hurry on as she headed to Kaduna from Abuja
In a split second..Everything changed..
She would be no more...

As I sift through my memories of this aunt
I remember how I held something against her for so many years
However implicit, I would have sunk if I knew I didn't forget before she left
Thank You Lord for bringing her to me last year
What if she died and I hadn't let go?
What if I held on to the insignificant yearns?

She had her struggles, no doubt
But Lord I hope she learnt to focus on you..But Lord I hope she learnt to focus on you..
Did she remember to pray as that meeting dwelt on her mind this day?
Has she gone to be with you?
That's all that matters now..no doubt

All the dreams, worries and strife..
All vanished with her last breath today
The meeting, promotions..that new house
Do not figure any more
I think about all the what if's
If she had known that today would be The Day..

How can I make the best of today?
How can I learn to live and love every being I come across?
Father, I need not complain but focus on you
Who knows the day My Day will be nigh
The date inscribed on your heart..of course
Known only by Father, Son and the Holy Spirit

Whatever happens Father-I am not afraid
You've sent me here to do your Will
I'm constantly falling off the rails
But doesn't matter because I've given my life to you
Say the word Father-and I'll be Home

The thing that terrifies me-I know
Is the loss of the ones that I hold most dear
Father-I'm not ready for this
So please I plead-Father-spare them daily with your Grace
Let them live till they are Ninety plus eight

Who am I that you are mindful of me?
Father Lord-You give and you take
Aunty Ego-your memories abound
Rest in perfect peace-I urge you this day
Life is so delicate
Nothing's as it seems.

Alas...

2007-03-13T22:59:00.000Z

Sometimes, I want to be a bird..
Free to explore my flights of fancy
Unrestricted and unhindered by the laws of gravity
The sky will be the limit
But I reckon I'll find a way to transcend beyond that
When it's cold, I'll be off in a bleep
No rules except the ones that nature's imposed
I'd like to be a bird.
Free..

I think I'd be an eagle
The Queen of the skies
Sharp eyed and sharp witted..
Love me if you dare
Strong and bold, fearless no doubt
Yes, I'd be an eagle..
Catch me if you can tis what the game'll be
Try..

And when it's night and the moon's in power
I'll transform into the owl
Wise beyond my years, knowing all always
Again my eyes will be piercing
Searching and sighting those things which most creatures ignore
Test me and see..
Seek my counsel and learn.
The wise owl that is me will always perform
Test..

Of course when my love draws near
I'll be the nightingale reborn
Sweet, beautiful..True melody abounds
I'll drive him beyond senseless with the music I spout
Colourful and chirpy,he can never be down
Never nervous cos he's sure
I'll always be back
Wait..

I will be all three birds but will still really be me
Seasons will change and days will be years
But God, Life and Love will always stand true
Alas..

Rhetoric

2007-03-01T21:54:00.000Z

One one hand..I'm in love with Love. On the other hand, I'm afraid to fall..Instinctively, I try to hedge....
What on earth is wrong with me???

Have often heard that the things we fear the most come to pass..

Read this book and both the guy and the girl knew that this was "it" cos they had both seen each other in their dreams..Have heard so many people say that they knew this was "it" instantaneously..Surely that would eradicate the need to be weary?? lol

Maybe not??

Do we really get more sceptical as we get older? Scary stuff..

I just don't want to know..

Maybe I think too much...

Thing is if I didn't really care-then I wouldn't really think?

I guess as we get older, we want more..but isn't that just selfish..but...you really have to set the standard
Where does one draw the line?

Why do so many marriages fail? Surely, they thought this was "it" at some point..
Arghh-one can't do this without God.

Ha ha- sounds good huh? Until that red neck walks into your life and demands of you that heart that you've so fastidiously kept..
And yes..you hand it to him on a plate..

Why are women so gullible?
Who is true and who is not?

How is this all supposed to work again?
Most women want so much but yet so little...
We all have the "child" in each one of us..If you don't understand the child, you can't understand the person.

Why does it all have to be so hard?
Seeing an old couple the other day made me cry..They looked so happy, content

I think its very important to be able to laugh and cry together, if not
What is the point?

To be fair, sometimes I really don't really get me..
How can anyone else stand a chance?

I'd rather die alone that rot slowly as one half nothing
Why do so many people get it wrong?

Do people change? Too quickly too notice?
When does the drifting begin?

Admittedly, when it works, it works..
Every time I see a couple that's made it work..I feel butterflies in my stomach
Yes, she knows how he likes his meat cooked and his coffee made.
And he knows the day before it is that time of the month..

I haven't learnt to be content
I have never been content

I'm seriously confused..
I'm leaving this to God.
And yes it is the easy way out
Why not? I know it will work!

Questions, rambles..
I've managed to give myself a headache..

Note to Him...

2007-03-01T21:49:00.000Z

Lord, teach me to rest in you..
Help me to trust in you
Incite in me the will to always obey..
Because without you, I don't want to know

Sometimes I feel like its creaking
My weakness will always betray me
How can I learn what I do not know
When I do not know that I do not know?

I know the passion within me
And I pray that you teach me to fathom
The necessity of watching you lead
Moment by moment through this world and the next

Dear Lord, I'll always be grateful
Even when I often forget to acknowledge
I'm in love with Love
And in love with You.

The African Self?

2007-02-28T23:02:00.000Z

I chucked in "self" into dictionary.com and came up wit the following:

Person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality:
A person's nature, character, etc.: his better self.
Personal interest.

Philosophically-
a.
the ego; that which knows, remembers, desires, suffers, etc., as contrasted with that known, remembered, etc.
b.
the uniting principle, as a soul, underlying all subjective experience.

So a person's "self" is basically an introspective view of his complete individuality? Considering that there is a thin semi-permeable membrane in existence between an individual and his environment-Can one really have a true appreciation of one's "self" if most things that they "should" identify with is falling apart-right around them? I don't profess to have the answers to these questions and must admit that this is a current trend which is beginning to mortify me. Clandestine questions with seemingly unapparent answers.

So what is my point? The word "Respect" has lost its meaning to most Africans. This is inexcusable considering that respect is a principle that gets talked at kids from the minute they can breathe! "Aunty, Uncle, Sister"- all expressions of respect for those who are older than us..Sometimes, we go beyond these verbal gestures and kneel or even prostrate in some cases. All interesting and sweet, but does this mean much?? Fortunately, I have come to my own conclusion: NO! When you show respect- you are declaring high esteem or a sense of worth or excellence of a person maybe because of a personal quality or ability that you admire. Respect for Africans has gone the route of religion and has become routine. The African has lost the meaning of respect for himself, and obviously for his brother.Why..I wonder.Most African cultures have proclaimed values that should mean that the African is a symbol of integrity, honour and accomplishment. We have stood the test of time and have been blessed with resources which some other continents can only dream of. Why has the African chosen to be the very thing that will undermine the progress of all that we really have: Our people. Why do we still lack a sense of real identity an dedication to the land that has been ours even before we were born?

So how can people claim to have respect for anything and anyone when greed and corruption has eaten through the fabric of everything sane and sacred? Life will always go on but things can be made better.In today's reality- money is the only thing we've given respect and though there are many arguably valid reasons for this-at the end of the day- we all fail, if after all the struggle..we've left our land worse than we met it. Until we can claim to have made an effort, lets stop the pretence and banish the word "respect" from our vocabulary. We do not preach respect..maybe fear, submission but definitely not respect. The soul of the continent is not dead yet but the grim disease that we see on the surface now is fast eroding the essence that those before us have strived for..What happens next? Another rhetoric yet written without practical solutions..

Maybe if we all "think" a little bit more.
Maybe if we all stopped pretending..just enough to see people for who they are
Who are we?
Who do we think we are?
Who will our kids think we are?

We all have to start with our "Self" because that's where the true trauma lies...

I'm much better at asking questions..lol

Et Al..

2007-02-23T18:35:00.000Z

For a second, I invite you into my bubble where all things are nice, pretty and pink..
Everyone's happy and we never have to hurt, cry or lie pale..
Life as you've known it will surely change.. the day that you decide to see through my eyes.
Nothing's impossible..God's on the throne
What if you wake up? I hear you ask
I urge you to trust me..This is for life..

In this same bubble of mine..
Love is soo perfect..Its awesome...just the way he intended..
I never get bored..You give and I take..You take and I give..
Contented...we never wear thin..This "us" that will now be in this world and the next
Of course there'll be struggles..all part of the game...
But "us" is for life, so lets have fun fighting to win

The thing is..we'll now be living a dream..
And this bubble now ours will drift as we please
Past oceans and borders, both physical and not.
We'll work and we'll rest just as we please
Our bubble's our world and we needn't care less..

Lights Out..

2007-02-23T18:34:00.000Z

So the lights have dimmed and there's not much to see..
Camaraderie between two lost like it never really was.
Pride and its allies seem to be winning the day again.
Maybe this time but never again..

Nobody can tell the future..
We can only look back and smile
Hoping that at every step, we did our very best..
Somehow, I pray this works the same for you.

What goes on in anyone's heads? Who knows?
People guesstimate and often get it wrong.
For what its worth, the words are plain
Reading between the lines will surely be an exercise in futility

We always think we know more than we show
Only to realise that the game's been on us
Because we've been too caught up to see
But all that's part of the sphere, undoubtedly is..

Livin' on a Prayer..

2007-02-05T21:32:00.001Z

Once upon a time
Not so long ago
Tommy used to work on the docks
Unions been on strike
Hes down on his luck...
its tough, so tough
Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man,
she brings home her pay
For love - for love
She says weve got to hold on to what weve got
cause it doesnt make a difference
If we make it or not
Weve got each other and thats a lot
For love - well give it a shot

Chorus:Whooah, were half way there
Livin on a prayer
Take my hand and well make it - I swear
Livin on a prayer

Tommys got his six string in hock
Now hes holding in what he used
To make it talk - so tough, its tough
Gina dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers baby its okay, someday
Weve got to hold on to what weve got
cause it doesnt make a differenceIf we make it or not
Weve got each other and thats a lot
For love - well give it a shot

Weve got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when its all that youve got

(Bon Jovi)

For some reason, I've been listening to this song a lot...She brings home her pay-for love..? How many ladies get married with the notion that at some point or the other, they will have to bring home their pay?? For Love..

As I harbor that dream of a life with untold pleasures nesting beside Prince Charming who's truly madly deeply in love with me...I'll have to remember that sometimes, we'll have to hold on, say a little prayer and thank God that we have each other and Love...

I want to be Free..

2007-02-01T23:30:00.000Z

This is the stuff that dreams are made of..

Pray be free..Free from
Insecurity
Poverty
Misconception
Misinterpretatition
Racism
Sexism
Myopia
Routine
Normality
Obesity
Hunger
Anxiety
Fear .
Fear .
Fear .

Go, my mind-explore..The world is your oyster..If you think it, you can have it..
Be Free...Don't fight it..Live Life, Fall down, get up..Live

Life is a gift..

In the I's

2007-02-01T23:16:00.000Z

Love God, Live Life, Love Life
It's all in the eyes..
When I look deep into his subconscious
Through the windows that are his eyes
There, between the lines
I learn everything I need to know
People say the eyes don't lie
So I've watched him from the start
Trying desperately to uncover the secrets that he dare not tell
Unravelling slowly the mysteries that lie viscerally beneath the well manicured layers of his personality...
Often, we play games, his eyes and me
This man oblivious to the guise..
I ask if he loves me?
They blink that he does..
I ask if he'll always be true?
They reveal uncertainty
I smile and Mr. Man asks why
I brush him off swearing to guard the secret..
That its all in the eyes.

Such is Life(SIL)

2007-02-01T23:12:00.000Z

Ok.forgive the slightly cheesy header but hunting down appropriate three letter acronyms are becoming more difficult these days. In the past fortnight, I watched quite a few un-happy ending movies and although I'm a sucker for the digestible predictable ending, I have to admit that some of these movies with real-life endings can provoke thoughts in you that one ponders long after the camera has rolled by. I have to admit that one easily gets lost in our own matrix and we forget to think about other realities that exist parallel to mine. It is real that children suffer in developing countries around the world while I junk a half eaten brownie for fear of the full effect of the calorific intake. I think in a way being Nigerian and going home annually somehow lulls you into a false of African-ism, so you think you know what's going on and therefore assume that you've have a grip on the full picture. Watching Blood Diamond, I really felt compelled to do something...How can people who look unmistakingly alike spend so much time causing grief to one another? How can children suffer and get drawn into hate such that their frail bodies are ill prepared for? Has God really left Africa?? What can I do?? I must admit that being African myself, the selfish one in me would be terrified to drop down on the front lines-what if I get I get caught up and perish for a simple case of mistaken identity? So, there must be something I can do..The naive one in me really feels like the world doesn't have to be so wrong. Why can't people just get along? Why do we fear those that are so different from us? Don't we all just want to live out the rest of our lives, knowing that we did the best that we can, leaving a legacy behind that our kids will be proud of?? Where have all the good men gone..Fear...Fear has crippled our world..I look around today and all I see is the product of fear..Sexism, racism, tribalism-all illnesses that have perpetrated as a result of the fear that has begun to eat human kind from inside out..I get very irritated and emotional when even amongst my friends, I hear the stereotypical and hate-filled voices that were our parents begin to have a grip on our hearts.Why do Yoruba people think Ibo people cannot be trusted? Why do Ibo people think that the Yoruba will sell them out when it comes down to it? Why do the Scottish hate the English? Why do Christians and Muslims hate each other even though they all claim to serve an all-loving God? So many questions. As we grow older, I know that one can easily get sucked into the fear that has eaten those that came before us and to survive, I will fight before I become a part of it. I thank God for my parents, because I haven't grown up hearing that the next man is beneath me just because they are different in one way or the other. If only we could see..if only...that we can only compensate for each other's weaknesses. Why do we have to carry on doing things exactly the way those before us have done it. I believe in heeding the counsel of the elderly but I also firmly believe that we have to take what we hear and rip out the notions that have become extinct..Rome was not built in a day...We need to stop spreading the fear filled hate. We need to show our parents that we can do better. Fear is the opposite of faith..When we fear something so much, it usually comes to pass..Change is good, healthy, people are different for a reason...How can I learn to embrace others and learn to reconcile the things that my instinct shies away from on account of how different they are to my norm. The past month or so has brought be very close to a few cultures quite different from mine..one in particular. For example, I had no idea how different a Hausa wedding was from a Yoruba/Ibo wedding...Thrilling and exciting.I can tell you that much..only bit I didn't like is the part where the bride is absent from the actual wedding! Also quite fascinating to understand why Europeans feel the need to go to the ski slopes when its winter. I realise that people are the same..no good ones or bad ones.It's the choices we make day-to-day that determine which side of the fence we stand on, at any given point in time. We all have needs, we all have blood running through our veins..and we all have fears..But isn't growing up supposed to be about tackling these fears and preventing them from taking over the person that we can be. So many people have died because of fear-bred hate and many more will still die..All for what?? And its not only the Africans that inflict this suicide on themselves? What about the governments of the world that send troops to fight a war fuelled from fear? Isn't that just the same? Many people have died in the name of "The war on Terror" and what has been achieved? In my opinion-nothing! It's time we all woke up and got off the inertia that is fuelling our fears..I'm a Christian and I've met Muslims that have changed my life..literally..God is a God of Love..When we spread fear, anger and hate in his name-how can we blame how he feels...There are probably many thorough and intellectual reasons why these conflicts exist-some valid, other not..But as far as my own 24 year old mind is concerned-It all comes down to fear and I don't need a PhD to expand on this. This fear eats into friendships, then filters into marriages which they emanate as children..and as we are all a product if what was put into us? Who can we blame? We need to begin to challenge our upbringing and all the sacred truths that we've always taken as given...How else will we achieve change? We need to confront and test the fears that have held us captive? Where are all the great men? Alexander the great might be misplaced in this time and age, but we still need role models who have conquered the canopies of Sexism, racism, and all the isms that people use an excuse to spread fear. The crimes and atrocities that have been committed in the name of fear are very real and are probably a valid catalyst for more hate. But people need to stop and say no..How can we desire peace when we all choose to do nothing..Surely, that's the definition of madness..I think it's time we begin to take ourselves a little less seriously and the people around us more seriously..embrace life and step out from our parents' shadows..Life is a gift that is surely wasted walking in anybody else's shadow..
A little change everyday will surely culminate to make a difference..Some of us will have kids in the recent years to come..Please spare them and let this degeneration stop in our generation..Maybe this is just another spiel..but who knows..Its a dream I pray I can make come through for my children...Amen..

Disclaimer: I have to admit that some of the issues discussed above I struggle with daily, so do not take this as a subscription to perfection. if I pen down my aspirations, and revisit now and again..I'm sure I'll change in time..prejudices and stereotyping have no place in the great...according to me anyway..

290107

NY07

2007-01-17T23:45:00.000Z

Sometimes, the iterations in my head just mean that I make life more complex than it needs to be. This is my first blog this year but I feel like its been a long year already. Lagos was fantastic and I wish I could do it all again. The atmosphere is just brimming with so much energy, you can't help but get infected.For the most of it, Nigerians still haven't changed and I have to include myself in making this gross generalisation.All most single people talk about fall under the broad heading of Money and Marriage! Money-I guess I don't mind as much but I'm sick of talking about Marriage. I don't have a boyfriend and I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for one yet. Marriage is not something I want to even venture near for the next couple of years so I really would like to live my life without having to be constantly reminded that I'm getting older and the few good men are diminishing at an increasing rate. As far as I'm concerned, Marriage is difficult and most marriages fail because of the delusions that have intrinsically affected the people around me. Sure, I'm a hopeless romantic but I also think that marriage can be the dire source of a rude awakening. Pessimistic-I know..All I'm saying is that we can't live out the rest of our lives waiting out for the one who might just be a figment fed to us all those years ago when we were Disney addicts! I want to go skiing, sailing, hiking...I want to travel to Asia, Australia, and Africa extensively..So much to do, so much to see..And so little time..

Being Human, it would be great to have that someone special who can immortalise the memories and make me feel like Walt Disney was a fake. So this year as far as New Year resolutions are concerned, I've asked God to give me the strength to change one little thing in my life, day by day; eat healthier, stick with the gym, work harder at my job, make a difference in my family, be a little more patient and ask God for the Grace to walk the path...and yes at the back of my mind, honestly, The icing on the cake would be that guy who makes sense to me and who is prepared to honestly navigate this road; knowing that together we can make a difference to each other and our present reality. I want to be able to learn from him..and he has to be a tad bit open minded. I've decided that for this, I'm ready to forgo the whole marriage and "where are we going with this" conversation..As long as we're living and learning, it doesn't really matter. So as it goes, I still remain Bullish on God, Life and Love.I just don't want to feel like anyone's dragging me down to aisleland with a noose..

There are some amazing guys out there and I've met some of them..

I remain eternally grateful..

Anyway, enough of the rambles..

Last Friday..

2006-12-03T20:30:00.000Z

Ok, I can’t complain-I have had a very good week. Can’t put my finger on the exact highlights but I know I’m not feeling as worn out as I usually do. I got conned into climbing up 40 floors today..in the name of exercise..and yes, I had to walk back down.Awful..thought about giving up, but these were colleagues so I had to save face. My thighs are going to hurt tomorrow but yet- I want to be fit.lol. Anyway, my boss is still ecstatic about her new boyfriend so all is calm..for now..I find myself praying daily that he does not mess up-Selfish, but necessary..This weekend will be busy so I’m not looking forward to it all-I can’t sleep in and I have to be out and about in the cold..I also have a test to round up my baptism classes so really, maybe I’m looking forward to Monday. On the other hand, it’s the first of December and before this month runs out-I’ll be sun-bathing on the beaches of Lagos Island..lol. So much to do before then though-Its just not easy being a girl.You just have to look good-no excuses. At least, that’s the way I see it. Haven’t really spoken to that many people this week but yesterday I want to Rodizio Rico with my cousin and these two girls I have not seen for two and a half years. If you love meat, you have to try this one out. It’s Brazilian and from one true carnivore to the next, I can safely say that I will not be eating meat for a WHILE. You pay about nineteen pounds and you can feast on all sorts of freshly off0the-grill meat, hot food and salad until you’re worn out. Hmm..nice though..although not good for my I-really-want-to-lose-weight mindset.So three weeks from today, I’ll be packing to jet off on the Sat. after-amazing. I’m so looking forward to this holiday and I can’t help but wonder what 07 has in store for me. I’m bullish as usual because I know God reigns..So no quibbling. I just realised that one of my friends is turning to Islam on account of her boyfriend. I took everything in me not to ask her “what on earth she was doing??” But I said nothing-no point arguing. All I can really do is pray-I just think that citing a “guy” as your reason for jumping ship just doesn’t make sense. But I don’t profess to know it all-and preaching to a girl in love is like…well, you know..If this doesn’t work out-what happens? Just too risky if you ask me..Almost like you’re giving up your ticket to Heaven for a mess of porridge..The things that a girl will do for love? Strange? And we never change..On the same table last night, we got into a “You can’t show a guy how much you like him”conversation.And I just didn’t agree..Why should I pretend when I know how I really feel.? Having said that I’ve had the “ I didn’t commit because you liked me too much” line before and it’s painful. I just believe that its important to treat everyone on a case-by-case basis and everyone deserves at least ONE chance. so fronting and putting my emotions on a leash isn’t a practise that is necessarily down my road. Obviously, I believe that wasting your time with a guy who you’d rather have a relationship with is a no-no but sometimes things aren’t so black and white..Besides, being single is fun and I don’t think I’ll give that up until I feel a conviction-what’s the point otherwise??Anyway, I think I’ve rambled on enough so I’m going to occupy myself in some other more office-friendly way. Lol-Just thought I’d mention. Went unto lastminute.com and on the right, top corner-they have a button labelled “When your boss is watching”-Hilarious-Clicking on it opens up charts and data in a spreadsheet. Perception is everything..Hey?

Thanksgiving..

2006-11-23T15:55:00.000Z

So, its Thanksgiving today and although I’m no where near being American, I know I have a lot to be thankful about.

I’m Thankful to God for being there for me from the beginning of time-Father, you know I’ll Love you always. You pick me up and wash me when nobody else will, reinventing me when they’ve all turned their backs. I thank you Lord for sticking with me even though I’ve messed up every step of the way. I’m grateful for because you make ALL my hearts desires come to pass. You keep me strong always and out of harms way. Father, I will always be in love with you. You knew me even before I was formed and Lord, you’re the one in whom I move and have my being. I just hope someday Father, I’ll make you proud although I know I can never be grateful enough.
I’m Thankful to my mother because she has been the best role model any child could ever ask for. Most character defining traits I know I got from watching my mother working hard while putting her children first. I have always been given the best even if it came at the expense of your comfort and most things you hold dear. You’ve loved me, correcting me in love every time you saw fit. You taught how to read my Bible and surely that’s the greatest of all gifts. You showed me that everything is possible If I hand my life over to God. You showed me that being the head comes with responsibility and sacrifice to gain the respect. You’ve given me space to make my mistakes and surely now I have a mind of my own. Your life has not been easy but you’re always smiling and making us laugh. Even the smallest things you do sometimes I realise I’ll never forget. A woman of principle and surely one of the world’s finest. I know that God surely make sure you reap every seed you’ve sowed to make sure I’m who I am today. You’ve stayed beautiful through it all, surely I have no excuse…Words cannot express.
I’m Thankful to my dad because he’s always there. Being a man doesn’t come easy but I’ve never doubted for one day that you love more than words can say. As a kid, you told me stories and taught me games that I’ll play until the day I’m gone. You’re not perfect dad, but you’re the best in the world. I haven’t always listened to you but as soon as I hit a roadblock you come running to pick me up. We have our fights but through it all you’ve shown love and patience. God chose you to give me life and when I look in the mirror –I have to say “Dad, you did a mighty fine job”. I can tell you anything and still you don’t judge. You don’t rule in fear and I appreciate that you let me make my decisions. You think I’ve forgotten how you went the extra mile all those years but no-I never forget. I have such a long way to go dad but I know you’ll be rooting for me.
Sisters- Love you more you think you know. I truly don’t understand how you give me more than you have always. You’re always there doing things that break your back. When I’m moody, you’re the ones I take it out on, but you never judge me for it. Sometimes, I forget to be grateful but your hearts still stay open. Of course, we have our fights but we’re never angry for long. You guys are smart and beautiful women and I don’t I can’t even compare. I’m glad to have come before because you guys inspire me daily…breaking down boundaries, showing consistence, dedication and dilligence..all the way, all the time. We’re always sisters, always friends. Lets stay real close to the end.
Brothers- The pride of my life. I can’t believe how gorgeous you guys are. You will make us proud. You will be men of valour and no one will be able to hold you down. When you’re around, I always feel the difference. Forever able to help and asking for nothing in return. You’re young but you are truly two of the most important men in my life. When I think of you-my heart beat accelerates because I know I’ll give anything to see you happy. Good men are hard to find-thank you for loving me.
BA- You’re my cousin but you’re really my sis. Thank you for teaching me so much even though you’ve always thought it was the other way round. When I left CJ and had nowhere to turn, you showed me that life can still be fun and really those years-I had the time of my life! You never judge me although you’re never afraid to let me know what you think. I thank God for you and I love you, but you knew this already. We have the most amazing conversations and we’ve been through so much together. Do you remember chilling in Holborn, broke and hungry? Lol-what can I say? We did what he had to do. We still have many milestones ahead of us but just want you to know-I’ll always be there.
TM & BS- Being my friend is surely a task and a half but you guys are there for me when I think the whole world’s gone crazy! Different as both of you are, you complete me and really-I’d change nothing at all. T-we catch the maddest trips and you just never complain. As far as girls go, you’re one of the most sensible ones I know. I push you but you just never break. Not even one argument-I’m grateful, I just want you to know. You listen as I navigate through the randomness that can be my life and at the end-what a laugh-no judging at all. We started this JH together and really its been great. Don’t forget our plans to have babies at the same time. The guys don’t need to know.B-Your pearls of wisdom have kept me through the storms and you’re just so sensible-you’re younger but I’ve learnt so much. Even the things you don’t say have showed me so much and I know that when I need an opinion-yours is as solid as gold. You girls really complete me and really I thank God for bringing us together-Ride or die!
CJ-You were my first and really you set the pace. You treated me like a queen and showed me what life can be life when a guy makes you his all. I know we ended badly but still I never forget-four years of loving, living and learning-lessons I’ll take with me to the grave. You taught me about “us” and giving selfelssly..You showed me that guys can change and Love really is power. I know I was young and could have done things better-but really I apologise for all the pain that I know still resides. I know you’ll love me forever just because I do. 143.CJ.143.
JA- You’ve been there for me J-showed me that really a girl can be spoilt and treated like a flower. I see how I light up your eyes even to this day and I marvel because I know you love me. Amazing, after all these years. We’ve grown and we’ve shared and we’ve laughed-You’re my rock even though I never tell you this. I know you hold me above every other girl even to this day and I know I don’t deserve it but I’ll always be there. All those valentines made special by you even when we weren’t together-No one else on this earth has spoilt me as much as you. The flowers..the music..cooking for me..presents I’ll keep forever…J-you’re more than a gem..I know you don’t like this but really you’re almost like my bro-Thanks, words fail at this point.
LA-It’s been two years since our paths crossed and I hope we have more. You’ve been more than a friend although sometimes I wish you were more. We’re two peas in a pod and this road has been rocky, but somehow we always seem to come through the storm.Even when we’ve wandered our different ways-It’s been comforting knowing you always be there.I’m struggling for words because sometimes its hard to describe the bond that we shared. I thank you for always being truthful to me and always listening to me through my rants and all that. Even when all the odds are against, you’ve trusted me and I find that hard to digest. It gives me comfort to know that somehow, we’ll always stay friend..even if we decide that its with other people our destinies lie. I thank God for bringing me across you because you were the first guy who taught me that a girl and a guy can exist without the need for the coital so and so’s. We play fight and have a laugh and really it’s great..even your pancakes are amazing and the pasta you make.Now-I try to live by principles that you’ve taught me so far, and its so much easier because really,I know it can be done. LA-I thank you being there for me even if it was against your better judgement.
BK-I’m thankful to you because you’re more than a rock. You’ve been there for me somehow-regardless. I really don’t get it and to be honest-It scares me a bit. But I accept you for you and we just flow like that. All those times, when no one would listen to me moan about work-you would. You’re so patient and I don’t think I could have gone through that year without you. Even when I was stroppy and unkind. BK-you would stick. Especially when I’ve given you nothing in return. I’ll really make it up to you, truly I will. I know I mean the world to you so I’ll make it count. Thank you so much and I know there’ll be so much more.
RBOARF-Hmm. My twin, SM-What can I say? I have never met anyone who understood me so seamlessly. We’re two sides of the same coin and I’m amazed by how much we click. I know we have our arguments but that makes it so much fun-even if you live 3000 miles away. Thank you for coming to see me. Those were truly two of the best weeks this year. I thank you for all the support and care you’ve shown me since we met. I was truly bowled over and you’re really a dream and I appreciate that you keep on coming back even after the rude phone calls. Everybody loves you because you’re so well behaved. I think you’re mum has done a fab job indeed. When we’re in our eighties and still having a blast.RBOARF-we’ll know that we kept our promise to stick till the end.
NO, TA & FO-Guys, guys, guys-You three are amazing. You’ve made all the difference-Thank you so much for listening and just being there.
PO-Thanks a lot. You’re truly the nicest guy I know and I’m sure without a doubt that you’ll always be there. I’m so lucky it’s me that you love and sometimes I wish I could…… You’re more than a gem. You know the Bible so well and my grandma loves you to bits. We have such a laugh and when we fight-its deep..Thank you for always coming back and for treating me like a princess-It’s more than I can ask for.
To the man of my dreams: Lol-I thank you because I know you’re coming for me. Every day, I pray that our paths cross at just the right time. I might have even met you, but anyone’s guess is just as good as mine. I ask God to keep you safe and secure from danger, especially from all those girls who will most certainly break your heart! I’m waiting for you because you have to find me and in the mean time I’ll dream of sugar and all things so nice.

The B-word

2006-11-17T18:03:00.000Z

Ok.Started this piece talking about work but got bored so scrap that!! My day? How has it been? Well, slept at 1.30 am this morning sending text messages half way across Europe..Ask me why I had to? No reply! I’m 24, have a half decent job and some amazing friends. I go to a wonderful church, still live at home with my family and my mum’s teaching me how to drive. So why on earth am I so bored??? Went to see 007 yesterday with a friend who I hope intends to stay a friend..lol..I only say this because this is the second time he’s asked me out this week. The first time he took me, or should I say, I escorted him to a Leonardo Da Vinci exhibition which was very nice and I have to admit, I thoroughly enjoyed myself . I went to a University in South Kensington and I don’t believe I didn’t take advantage of the free access that studying close to all these amazing museums offered. Also, the natural history museum have put out an ice rink and people were skating to the sounds of some beautiful Christmas tunes. This is the London I have come to love. London is amazing, exciting and there’s tonnes to do. Every postcode is pregnant with discoveries waiting to be explored. London is a truly metroploitan city with different cultures coexisting in sometimes questionable disharmony.lol. One doesn’t have to travel to India to get a flavour of the Asian way of life-venture to Southall, the Greeks-Wood Green, Nigeria-Peckham, French-South Kensington, Spanish-Notting Hill. There is so much to do!! So am I and a lot of my friends guilty of using the B-word?? How can we say there’s nothing to do? We’re older and life has moved past the bi-weekly hot parties that would be the toast of the Nigerian circle. We have to move on to. Most parties I’ve had the pleasure of attending this year have been boring and flat..In fact, I didn’t bother having a party on my birthday because frankly, its all BORING now! So what is the problem?? WE are the problem. I have refused to wake up and explore the beauty that God has put around me-parks, museums, theatres-all amazing. Why do we all clamber to the same places when there’s a city out here waiting to be explored.??In the next year or so, I aim to discover London and what it means to me-next year will mark a decade I have lived here and I plan to make it COUNT.I wish I could propose a panacea for the current boredom that is infecting my peer group but we’d have to be guillotined for that to happen!The movement to fight this disease has started though. We need a phalanx of some magnitude to stand up and refuse to let the beauty of this town be lost on us. But that’s just it, you need to be part of a rather unique coterie of Nigerians to sell this idea effectively. Going to the theatre and exploring history on your own will be dirt boring..So you either find a way to inspire your friends or get a man who understands and is willing to learn with you. If he knows a wee bit himself, then good.Let me deviate for a second or maybe a long minute..I did warn of a rant..lol- Please where can I find a man who loves music, loves art, respects God and thinks with his heart(lol-thanks Indie Arie) and can afford to show me things I haven’t seen before? I can’t remember the last time anybody swept me off my feet..?? Maybe, I’m asking for too much? Are my standards too high? I accept that many guys have the right ideas but need the financial backing to make these dreams come to life. Well, get on with it!! It’s a man’s world but I still maintain my right to be wooed beyond my imagination. I’ve set my sights high and I understand that I have to break out of my current mould to find the kind of guys I’m looking for. And please don’t confuse this with marriage or anything else..I just want to know that when it comes to guys, I’ve met the full spectrum. And how can you settle down when you haven’t been swept off your feet? And truly, although most guys think it’s expensive to make an effort, I personally think that this is a weak attempt to cover up for their lack of creativity. Personally, I’m not on this marriage train at all..I haven’t seen the works yet and I’m not handing over my “single” hat that easily!! Admittedly, there have been times where I wished I had a knight in shining armour but really that could pose more trouble than its worth. Yup-is this a risky way to think about things? Probably! But life is worth living and you’re only legitimately SINGLE once and I intend to maximise my ticket. I probably don’t even know how to be a “girlfriend” but I’m sure it can’t be Physics..lol.Might be Chemistry though..I want the guy I’m with to have made and EFFORT and these days? Why should they? There are just TOO MANY girls!! I’ll wait though-just have to learn to be patient and take this race one at a time..Being single is actually pseudo-addictive..Its difficult to get over the “You just never know”..I see a nice dark guy and I’m like..I wonder..lol..Maybe, I’m just loopy…Anyway, I have deviated yet again..

All I’m saying is that London is one of the best cities in the world and I love it to bits..I may say I don’t and I do think its too cold but what can I say..there’s always that thin line.lol..To enjoy the city though, you have to have the right company and really the right man can turn this city into any dream you’ve ever had..I probably spend my time day-dreaming more than the average person-so really I want me some of that.

Another weekend..lets see what the cat brings in..

The Corporate Wives' Club

2006-11-13T15:12:00.001Z

Read the most fascinating article in the FT Today, and I couldn’t help laughing for a long minute. It’s a man’s world, whichever way you look at it. Apparently, men..oops, make that successful men, want smart women who have abandoned the route to a successful career and willingly embraced the route of getting the private jet and diamonds via the very successful hubbie. Reading this article confirms two things to me; (a) There’s no way out of the rat race;(b) Either way, being a woman aint easy..and that’s the reality of the whole situation.You have two choices-Buy the private jet yourself or marry someone who will.Buying the private jet yourself will obviously involve total devotion to work and outsourcing of most of the household and childcare type chores that come with the feminine territory.However, you get the respect you think you deserve from work colleagues and hubbie alike. If you’ve done very well, you get global acclaim for your work and maybe get courted by the people around you, who are obviously vying for your attention.On the other hand, the succesful hubbie would have made sure you signed that awful pre-nup,just in case you change your mind and want to do a 360. However, you still get all of life’s best.. and you still get help with the housework and kids. Money will not be something that you worry about and your kids will have the best that life has to offer. Obviously, there’s no such thing as a free lunch-accepting this offer will mean a lifetime of prioritising your husband’s needs(and most would argue that women do that anyway),a life where bad-hair days will be prohibited and where you’re expected to make up for every shortcoming he has.He wants you to be smart and witty, sexy and homely, well- read and entertaining..almost reminds me of what Geisha’s were expected to be in those days.To be fair, reading the article, I mentally tick off the points I think I can live with-most good things come at a price right?? As long as he knows that keeping me at home will COST him.I’m prepared to sacrifice..The point in this article where it all breaks down for me is where the writer points out that emotional neediness is a big no-no. At this point I’m like hold on..What this guy is looking for is a functional hand bag!! And that’s where I draw the line. If I can’t express myself to my other half even when we’re alone, I would rather slave 100 hours a week at the office. At least, someone somewhere will appreciate my persistent dedication to the cause. I argue that there has to be a balance.Or maybe I’m just not being realistic. Maybe the problem lies in being overly ambituous in the first place. Many people will settle for a house and a dog? Where does one draw the line? Not many women will want to sacrifice spending time with their kids for the career in a suit, but how many people have the choice? How far will a woman have to go to capture the heart of a man whom she knows every other woman wants. What will she have to give up? One might say that at least, she gets to spend time with the kids..But how do you go from being the woman most guys will die for to being the ornament and baby-sitter of a so-called “master of the universe”..? For sanity sake, I have to believe there’s a balance. Like so many girls out there, I have my notion of the perfect man and the ideal family and this dream is kept in a bubble, well away from the tragedy and pessimism that we see in marriage today. This is just a dream and rationale tells me that the odds are against me..but I choose to ignore and like most girls.I proclaim “It’ll be different in my case”.lol.If the truth be told, most women are forced to make a choice and the majority err towards protecting their children’s future. Fulfillment is a big part of what I want for myself..and somehow I don’t believe that playing the eternal handbag is what God has ordained for me in this sphere.Or maybe, I’m just putting what I want first? Either way, it’s important to recognise that at some point, it might become important to guillotine the dreams that we hold dear and wake up the dire reality of making a choice..What will it be?? When the time comes and you reach the proverbial cross roads, will you choose yourself or your kids? Do we even have to make that choice?? Help!!

Christmas in Lagos-To be or not to be

2006-11-08T17:53:00.000Z

I can’t make up my mind
To go to Lagos or not this Christmas?
Why won't I go anywhere else at Christmas time?
I'd really like to be adventurous one of these years..

But the magnetic pull from Lagos just won't let me be
To go to Lagos or not?
What a dilemma

TOMORROW.

2006-11-03T14:33:00.000Z

I will be one of the first to admit that I’m not as rational and straight-thinking as the average human being should be. My mind is constantly racing and it’s a struggle for most people to keep up. The ones that do keep up only do so because they aren’t so normal themselves. My old boss used to insist that I was too hard on myself, advice which to all intents and purposes always fell on deaf ears. Who am I? Well, depends on when you ask me. I’m constantly evolving which means that something that was perfectly normal yesterday couldtoday-become a taboo. The ones that know me just let me ride-I usually come full circle once all the steam has been let out of my sail.lol.

It’s a Friday afternoon-I’m sitting here-waiting until 3.20 so I can get in a cab and head for the airport. I’m headed for Geneva and I just can’t wait to get on that plane! The last month or so has been especially difficult as far as I’m concerned and I’m glad that there’s finally some light at my end of the tunnel. Funny how quickly, the future becomes your past. In less than a 100 hours, Geneva will struggle for a place in my memory banks. As hard as it may seem, I will have to learn to also live for today because that’s really what reinforces my history and will propel my future.

One of the most amazing things about writing is the freedom that you feel when you flirt with words and place hide and seek with the phrases that match the way you feel at the precise time and place. Often, you read back and you can’t believe how well you captured that moment especially since you’ve moved well on since then.

As another year draws to an end, I really wonder what the years to come will hold. I keep asking God to wrap me with the Spirit of Wisdom because simple things only get more complex as we get older. I’m amazed how I manage to significantly complicate things that should have been left mindless and as simple as they were intended to be. All the shouldas, couldas, wouldas of the next year. How I will I make them count??

I probably will speak (constantly) to fewer people than I do this year because that’s just how the curve progresses. And I think, in many ways, that’s a positive. I probably will do much more travelling than I did this year and try make my money work more for me. Next year’s birthday will be a milestone and I intend to make it count..TO Me.lol.Will I have a boyfriend next year? Will I still love my job next year? Will I remain in Europe next year? The jury is out and we’ll have to be patient with the verdict because I don’t know. But with every day that passes, I get closer to uncovering these answers, so every day does count..I know what I’d like the answers to some of these questions to be but who knows what will happen tomorrow to change that.

I’m grateful for to all those that have stuck with me this far and I pray that tomorrow only brings us closer than yesterday. After all said and done, God is an artist and our lives are His masterpieces-we may not get it while he’s painting, but in hindsight, everything makes perfect sense.

2006-11-03T13:54:00.000Z

I have a dream..

I’ll always be proud to be Nigerian because God ordained it so.I have to admit though that the Nigerian story is one that is saturated with ironical nuances and tragic admissions. How can a country that was given so much continue to realise so little? How can we be a net importer of energy products?coffee? and all the other things I have no idea about. Why is poverty rampant and why do the people suffer so? How long does this have to last and when will we see the light at the end of the tunnel. All we need are a few good men to stand in the gap. This mission will probably cost them their lives but maybe just maybe, people will get the message. Admittedly, I wasn’t the world’s most focused history student but I do know that human nature is human nature. From the little I know of British history, I acknowledge that there was a time when Great Britain stood where we stand now. There will always be corrupt, greedy and one-tracked minded individuals lining the fabric of a society’s make-up so we can’t continue to use that as an excuse! How do we move on from here? Who will be prepared to make the sacrifice? I’m under no illusions. Blood will be shed for this cause! When will Nigerians pause long enough to operate as one body relegating the cultural differences that divide us to focus on a common goal? When will we have educated leaders who map out a well structured plan to move my country forward? Will this happen in my lifetime? Will my kids be proud to be associated with the Giant of Africa? People talk. Talk is cheap when it has no substance. How did the Great Britain of yesterday evolve into what we have today? Are there lessons to be learnt? Who will be the catalyst of change? What can I do? When will people stop being short sighted and focus on the long term? When will we stop trusting outsiders more than we trust our fellow men? Nigerians are everywhere, in every work of life and city that stands on this earth. A Nigerian has even been to space! Who will be prepared to give their life for this cause? When will we embrace the Nigerian identity and realise that as a tem we will all be empowered. Next year will be important for Nigeria and the whole world will be watching to see if we can get our act together. All I have are questions and the same applies for most other people. Its time we actively pursued the answers that will take us one step further. It’s time to silence our critics for good. This will not be easy…Minds have to evolve- we have to move on and focus on the big picture. So what if you marry someone from a different culture? Why do we let our parents dictate our lives even though we claim adult status? Why are we afraid to go against the grain and think things through ourselves. Its time to decide what we will be remembered for. I don’t think those that came before me have given me much to be proud for. 1960 was 46 years ago and we’re still stuck in the same cycle. It’s time to stand accountable and snatch the reins of power from the outdated and backward minds that threaten to run us to the ground! Why can’t we channel out differences into fuel that will drive change in our time? Will I see Nigeria change in my lifetime? When will the winds of change embalm our land? I pray for a generational renewal. I pray for the spirit of optimism. I pray that when the time comes, I have the strength to play my part regardless of what small a magnitude it may represent.

Botha's Speech 1985

2006-11-02T10:12:00.000Z

Pieter Willem Botha (January 12, 1916 – October 31, 2006), he was commonly known as "PW" and Die Groot Krokodil (Afrikaans for "The Big Crocodile"), was prime minister of South Africa from 1978 to 1984 and state president from 1984 to 1989. Botha was a long-time supporter of South Africa's National Party and a staunch advocate of racial segregation and the apartheid system; however, he engineered a loosening of some of the government's most stringent racial policies toward the end of his career.

Botha speech 1985:

THE FOLLOWING is a speech made by former South African President P.W.
Botha to his Cabinet.
"Pretoria has been made by the White mind for the White man. We are not obliged even the least to try to prove to anybody and to the Blacks that we are superior people. We have demonstrated that to the Blacks in a thousand and one ways. The Republic of South Africa that we know of today has not been created by wishful thinking. We have created it at the expense of intelligence, sweat and blood. Were they Afrikaners who tried to eliminate the Australian Aborigines? Are they Afrikaners who discriminate against Blacks and call them Nigge*rs in the States? Were they Afrikaners who started the slave trade? Where is the Black man appreciated? England discriminates against its Black and their "Sus" law is out to discipline the Blacks. Canada, France, Russia, and Japan all play their discrimination too. Why in the hell then is so much noise made about us? Why are they biased against us? I am simply trying to prove to you all that there is nothing unusual we are doing that the so called civilized worlds are not doing. We are simply an honest people who have come out aloud with a clear philosophy of how we want to live our own White life.

We do not pretend like other Whites that we like Blacks. The fact that, Blacks look like human beings and act like human beings do not necessarily make them sensible human beings. Hedgehogs are not porcupines and lizards are not crocodiles simply because they look alike. If God wanted us to be equal to the Blacks, he would have
created> us all of a uniform colour and intellect. But he created us
differently: Whites, Blacks, Yellow, Rulers and the ruled.
Intellectually, we are superior to the Blacks; that has been proven beyond any reasonable doubt over the years. I believe that the Afrikaner is an honest, God fearing person, who has demonstrated practically the right way of being. Nevertheless, it is comforting to know that behind the scenes, Europe, America, Canada, Australia-and all others are behind us in spite of what they say. For diplomatic relations, we all know what language should be used and where. To prove my point, Comrades, does anyone of you know a White country without an investment or interest in South Africa? Who buys our gold? Who buys our diamonds? Who trades with us? Who is helping us develop other nuclear weapon? The very truth is that we are their people and they are our people. It's a big secret. The strength of our economy is backed by America, Britain, Germany. It is our strong conviction, therefore, that the Black is the raw material for the White man. So Brothers and Sisters, let us join hands together to fight against this Black devil. I appeal to all Afrikaners to come out with any creative means of fighting this war. Surely God cannot forsake his own people whom we are. By now every one of us has seen it practically that the Blacks cannot rule themselves. Give them guns and they will kill each other. They are good in nothing else but making noise, dancing, marrying many wives and indulging in sex. Let us all accept that the Black man is the symbol of poverty, mental inferiority, laziness and emotional incompetence. Isn't it plausible? therefore that the White man is created to rule the Black man? Come to think of what would happen one day if you woke up and on the throne sat a Kaff*ir! Can you imagine what would happen to our women? Does anyone of you believe that the Blacks can rule this country?

Hence, we have good reasons to let them all-the Mandelas-rot in prison, and I think we should be commended for having kept them alive in spite of what we have at hand with which to finish them off. I wish to announce a number of new strategies that should be put to use to destroy this Black bug. We should now make use of the chemical weapon. Priority number one, we should not by all means allow any more increases of the Black population lest we be choked very soon. I have exciting news that our scientists have come with an efficient stuff. I am sending out more researchers to the field to identify as many venues as possible where the chemical weapons could be employed to combat any further population increases. The hospital is a very strategic opening, for example and should be fully utilized. The food supply channel should be used. We have eveloped excellent slow killing poisons and fertility destroyers.
Our only fear is in case such stuff came in! ! to their hands as they are bound to start using it against us if you care to think of the many Blacks working for us in our homes.

However, we are doing the best we can to make sure that the stuff remains strictly in our hands. Secondly, most Blacks are vulnerable to money inducements. I have set aside a special fund to exploit this venue. The old trick of divide and rule is still very valid today. Our experts should work day and night to set the Black man against his fellowman. His inferior sense of morals can be exploited beautifully.
And here is a creature that lacks foresight. There is a need for us to combat him in long term projections that he cannot suspect. The average Black does not plan his life beyond a year: that stance, for example,should be exploited. My special department is already working round the clock to come out with a long-term operation blueprint. I am also sending a special request to all Afrikaner mothers to double their birth rate. It may be necessary too to set up a population boom industry by putting up centres where we employ and support fully White young men and women to produce children for the nation.
We are also investigating the merit of uterus rentals as a possible means of speeding up the growth of our population through surrogate mothers.

For the time being, we should also engage a higher gear to make sure that Black men are separated from their women and fines imposed upon married wives who bear illegitimate children.

I have a committee working on finding better methods of inciting Blacks against each other and encouraging murders among themselves. Murder cases among Blacks should bear very little punishment in order to encourage them.

My scientists have come up with a drug that could be smuggled into their brews to effect slow poisoning results and fertility destruction.
Working through drinks and manufacturing of soft drinks geared to the Blacks, could promote the channels of reducing their population. Ours is not a war that we can use the atomic bomb to destroy the Blacks, so we must use our intelligence to effect this. The person-to-person encounter can be very effective.

As the records show that the Black man is dying to go to bed with the White woman, here is our unique opportunity. Our Sex Mercenary Squad should go out and camouflage with Apartheid Fighters while doing their operations quietly administering slow killing poison and fertility destroyers to those Blacks they thus befriend.
We are modifying the Sex Mercenary Squad by introducing White men who should go for the militant Black woman and any other vulnerable Black woman. We have received a new supply of prostitutes from Europe and America who are desperate and too keen to take up the appointments.

My latest appeal is that the maternity hospital operations should be intensified. We are not paying those people to help bring Black babies to this world but to eliminate them on the very delivery moment. If this department worked very efficiently, a great deal could be achieved.

My Government has set aside a special fund for erecting more covert hospitals and clinics to promote this programme. Money can do anything for you. So while we have it, we should make the best use of it. In the meantime my beloved White citizens, do not take to heart what the world says, and don't be ashamed of being called racists. I do not mind being called the architect and King of Apartheid. I shall not become a monkey simply because someone has called me a monkey. I will still remain your bright star...His Excellency B

Table Conversation

2006-11-02T09:36:00.000Z

Somewhere between entrees and desert last night-It struck me as things often do before I come to terms with them-I can only do me(which is a slightly plagiarised term from LA.lol). There were three of us on the table, all female-and this girl was going on an on about different designer labels, guys with extremely large pockets and shops I didn’t even know existed in this town! Bored to death and restless- I tried unsuccessfully to change the subject, as selfish as that might sound! Somewhere along the line, for the sake of inclusiveness-she poses the question “Wouldn’t you buy a GBP 1500 dress. Instantaneously, I replied “Of course not”..Simutaneously, a list of things which I would happily do with 1500 pounds flashed before my eyes. We quickly moved on to GBP 600 shoes from a designer whose name I can’t remember…On and on and on..I just felt lost..So as I do, I decided to relegate my mind to observer mode.lol. It occurred to me that there as just so many paradigms to life and you just have to find the one you belong to. I could not consistently hang out with people who talked endlessly about shoes, clothes and who name dropped(not that we are all not guilty of this on some level, but please with moderation!) at every chance they get. Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with discussing those issues if those are the things you enjoy-after all, after watching “The devil wears prada”-I know there’s more to a glamour magazine than the pages! Tis just that personally, I just wouldn’t be able to keep up with that kind of conversation. I remarked somewhere along the line that Primark clothes aren’t half bad if you’re looking for cheap and cheerful sort of numbers. Understandably, she didn’t see why anyone would be caught dead in a store like that! Admittedly, I laughed to myself cos I really can’ tell the difference between cheap and cheerful or expensive and heavy.lol. Obviously, there has to be a balance-I would never expect anyone to buy all their stuff from Primark, but I’ve been in there and come out with a few things. I really thank God for the friends I have because we really don’t feel the need to fierily follow fashion trends. We all want the good things in life but we firmly believe that there’s a time and place for everything. I like to think that we still look nice and pleasant even though we don’t spend hours trawling through unspeakable designer outlets. In my paradigm, those things just don’t matter. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with stumbling upon a shop and falling in love with it-I know some people who will only wear Levi’s or who will only buy bags over a certain price range. I’ve gone into a shop many times and come out with an ultra-expensive “IA-have you gone mad” item but it just gets relegated like everything in my wardrobe until someone points out-Oh, my gosh, your bag is from ABC-and I decide, maybe this bag is worth putting in a cloth bag.lol.On some level, I think as we get older, our tastes evolve and really, I’m starting to see that with my self. But I still wouldn’t make clothes, bags, shoes et al my preferred table conversation. Funny thing is, when the bill finally arrived- all the airs and graces were vanquished as she barely had her portion of the bill. Walking away that evening-I just thought “Why carry a GBP 1500 bag and have no money to put in it???????

I can only do me. It’s easy to get drawn in to other people’s paradigms but after all said and done-I can only do me.lol

2006-10-24T19:18:00.000+01:00

Sometimes, I really think I've lost it.
Can't get to grips with the fluctuations I see in my mind's eye
Being volatile can certainly lead to one's undoing
Painting absurd pictures that can easily be misconstrued
Why does this palette constantly paint pictures that haunt the ones that mean the most
I AM TIRED..
Almost bewildering
Confusing.even for me
How much more for another.
JE SUIS TRES FATIGUE
There has to be method to my madness
Timing........

In the beginning..

2006-10-24T17:26:00.000+01:00

Talk about mega drama. The last week has been quite dramatic and I can truly say I've learnt quite a bit about myself and human beings in general. Somebody told me quite recently that I don't listen and I'm glad I listened long enough to hear him say that. I should learn to listen more often. One of my favourite coined up sayings goes as thus: "God's an Artist and our lives are his masterpieces". I quite often distrust people for the simple reason that human beings don't understand their personalities and thresholds as well as they think they do. But recent events have got me thinking? Does this really matter? Isn't that part of the HUGE learning curve?

Anyway, nobody knows when the next rate-determining step will only be round the corner. That's why I really can't believe human being can live their lives without God. I have so many issues and I'm so far from perfect but at least I have a benchmark and I have methods of measuring success-all thanks to the Bible. I even get clues when something strange is round the corner and really God's the only one who has no downsides!

I also got given an amazing gift this weekend-cover to cover chronological journey Bible guide. Only on day one and already I'm like WOW! The description of Eden is so poignant and just breathtaking. It's what all human beings spend their lives looking for. A land flowing with milk and honey, dominion over everything and man and woman existing in TOTAL harmony. The word "Adam" is derived from "adama"-the Hebrew feminine noun meaning "earth". So, adam was upgraded from earth-given perfection-and everything was handed to him on a silver spoon! And then, they had to go and mess everything up. But hang on second, before judgement is passed on so hastily-the human being of these times would have done even worse. How often do you come across somebody who is truly CONTENT? Someone who looks at where they are and is truly happy for today without having to source happiness from the prospects of tomorrow? I haven't met that many people. There's a thin line between ambition and discontent. What fuels our ambitions? The prospect of a better life? The oasis in the desert? We strive in our search for the optimum lifestyle, job, partner but keep on shifting the bars each time. Arguably, this is not necessarily a bad thing but one has to know where to draw the balance. How can one live life always forfeiting today for the sake of tomorrow-especially since nobody knows how long they have on this earth? Personally, I dare not criticize anybody on this subject because I don't think I've learnt how to draw the balance myself. Timing and Balance-I keep on coming back to these because that's what most things boil down to

On the issue of one's partner-I love how the Bible describes creation and how God asked man to "name" all the animals and all that he had created. Talk about empowerment! Adam even named "Eve". When you think about the importance the Bible places on names-one can only imagine the privilege given to man upon creation. The creation story is particularly important to me because that's the benchmark for perfection-God restores these privileges to us once we accept Jesus as our Lord! Today- misplaced priorities mean that roles and responsibilities have been confused and the lines have been blurred. I laugh when women declare their "independence" and then complain that men don't open doors! Marriage is increasingly becoming a washed out institution because people are going against the grain and trying to reorganise the order that was installed all those centuries ago. Its a man's job to be the HEAD of the family. He is the God-given leader and as such the final decisions rest with him. Like any CEO of a company, he naturally needs to know how to delegate and will obviously appreciate initiative from those he presides over. Thankfully, he has been built for this and needs to tap into the natural power available for the success of his organisation(family).Fortunately, the Bible doesn't give women an excuse to abscond as Proverbs 31 describes the perfect woman as one that works hard and supports her guy in every way. Being human, I've applied my own rationale to this.lol.When I meet a guy that talks about 50:50, I'm truly perplexed-Hard work is not and will never be a problem for me but I shudder to think about the day when the CEO of Microsoft decides to relegate half of his responsiblity.To me, a guy is RESPONSIBLE for the family. FULL STOP. No CEO does all the work himself-but should something go horribly wrong- he shoulders the responsibily. He is the face of the company and its his job to make sure that the shareholders are happy. Now when you have a company where everyone wants to be the CEO-surely one can see how the recipe for disaster starts to boil up. Being human and having inherited adam and eve's blood- many people have developed their own twists on the above-So you have men behaving recklessly and without respect because they are men-and woman thinking they can have the final say because they pay the bills. Thankfully,the Bible again points at Jesus as the perfect Leader who led by service. Privileges and responsibilities go hand in hand..

In my rather short time on this earth-I don't pretend to have the answers, all I can say is that I have a Manual. And I'll follow it blindly-because all the answers to "Who am I?" are in there. I'm an ambitious young girl-I want the best that life has to give and will strive endlessly to be the best. But I'm also female and thankfully can and will choose carefully who my lifelong CEO will be. God will have to govern that decision cos the effects are irreversible. However, I also pray that I respect his rights as a leader and I help make the decision making process that much easier. Probably won't be easy and I don't expect the ride to start off smoothly-but like any merger; companies ,human beings, personalities, composites, etc-One can anticipate problems and will have to work hard to extract synergies and achieve the pre-envisioned "value add" that made the whole process appear worthwhile in the first place. People can learn a lot from analysing how and what makes a company run. We are like individual companies, have our own tenets and procedures. Merging with someone else which often is more like an acquisition instead of a "true merger" can often be complex and should not be taken lightly. Investment bankers work all night trying to analyse if companies will be a true fit. Surely, marriage requires even more attention. Perhaps, we all have another reason to enrol on that MBA?

Underlying...

2006-10-10T11:09:00.000+01:00

Life'll always be a struggle..you must remember
My inner eye will always criticize me..to my discomfort
In a struggle to attain perfection, will I miss out on the people and things that matter the most?
Who are the people that matter the most?
What are that things that matter the most?
As Life moves on..and we face the inevitable..
Is it realistic that anyone guy will take me for better or WORSE?
Therein lies the problem...
As seasonal and erratic as my patterns are.
I admit that I ponder and maybe worry.
What happens when we become routine and the little quirks of our characters begin to magnify and plague the space around us?
I'm scared..
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Emotional volatility is a weird concept.
Almost as certain as change.
People will get hurt..
And its human to protect oneself
Which often results in hurting the ones that you care about(the most).
I think about God, Love and the Bible.
That's the only solution.
That's the key.
I can't trust myself not to hurt you
I can't trust you not to hurt me.
But if we both cling on to God and continue to plead for Grace.
That's the only way we'll have a chance.
I say I've never been heart broken but maybe because I've never let myself go.
People are sure to let you down.
Sometimes, I watch myself let another down.
Lord, I ask you to fill me with you.
Half the issues that plague us are buried in our subconsious.
I'll never be perfect,so Lord give me the Grace to accept that we are all soiled
And make me better, one day at a time.
As I manouevre my way around this journey I call life.
Lord, please help me forgive and FORGET those who hurt me
And please help others forgive and forget when I hurt them,
Change can be good.
Change can be bad
Change can be exciting
Change can be excruciating
Riding the waves is part of the process.
Father, grant us the serenity..

2006-10-07T14:59:00.001+01:00

Previous notions- Defenestrated.
How many times does one have to press that reset button?

Just you wait and see-
Watch this Space.

History Repeats Itself

2006-10-05T11:52:00.000+01:00

I'm reading this book on "Technical Analysis of the Financial Markets" and I came across one of the major presumptions behind tech. analysis: History repeats itself-the key to understanding the future lies in a study of he past.Human pyschology tends not to change..

But what happens If we have no knowledge of the past..

The future is merely a repetition of the past-Thank God for the Bible.

On Timing...

2006-09-19T10:44:00.000+01:00

It just hit me that Timing is Everything..
I've read it in the Bible many times but don't think I ever got it.
The wrong idea at the wrong time just will not work
Eating the wrong things at the wrong times- Absolute disaster
The wrong bar on the wrong day- Social nightmare
The wrong job at the wrong time- Career Limiting move
The wrong guy at the wrong time- Emotional Rollercoaster
The right guy at the wrong time- What a waste?
The wrong guy at the right time- Semi-permanent damage.

The permutations are endless..One minute later and your miracle would have strolled past you.

How can anyone leave anything to chance? The iterations are programme-boggling..

Nah, just can't take the chance.Thanks God for God and the way He directs our path.

Mind Boggling? Wonder how many life changing miracles I've strolled past in disobedience?

I won't even start...!!!

BOLL..Pre-exam rambles..Any excuse to promote incoherency..

2006-09-19T10:18:00.000+01:00

Today or so far at least has been one of those days when I'm Bullish on Life(BOL) but I can feel something in the back of my mind gnawing away at me like something 's wrong.I'm desperately seeking a panacea but I'm quickly running out of options. I have this exam today and I pray I do well..That'll obviously go a long way in relaxing the muscles that are tightening in my belly..I'm generally never stressed about exams but this one is irritating cos it's not all that intuitive..Learning random things can be such a bore.Besides, when this is under my belt..I immediately graduate to new level and really the there's no glass ceiling..

I also hope I'm not using this exam as an excuse for something else that is bothering me, but I'll see come 7pm tonight..

Amazing how God continues to touch up His masterpiece that is my life..I'm always left wondering what's happening next.It's amazing to wake up and fall in love with Him again and again..

I can only contemplate and probably don't understand what it means to love Him with your heart and soul- But I sure plan to give it a try.I read a chapter in his Book today that literally gave me butterflies in my stomach..Almost like a massage coming from the Master Himself..He always knows what I need to hear and when I need to hear it..

I can't say that I fully understanmd what's going on in my head or my heart but I know about eagle's wings so no point stressing it..

I guess I did ask Him to sort out my head and my heart...I can only truly achieve my Destiny if I defenestrate all the "I" in me and trust with absolutely EVERYTHING..

Lol..That sort of makes me laugh because it's sure more difficult than it sounds..Then, I'm reminded that everything he's promised is within my reach..

Just need to learn to love him with All my heart and soul.In a world where we're increasing learning to use and trust our heads..all I ask for is Grace..

Anyway, mid-revision rambling definitely hepls clear one's head out.lol.Sometimes, its just great to write as one thinks..Who makes the rules anyway?

Anyway, I'm Bullish on Life and Love and all the Great and Amazing things that'll come with it..

I can't see the future but all I can do is capture the past so that I can look back and smile..

BOLL...Always....................x

Human Nature- Ironical?

2006-09-13T22:18:00.000+01:00

So, for the last few days, some us have been utterly transfixed by the realgist blog. Personally, ,I think it has been one of those experiments that expose the contradicting faces of human nature..Most of the stuff on there was vile, people's parents were even brought into it..The characters were taken apart and discredited with every line the "editors" spun.On the part of the more than willing audience, we didn't do anything to dis-popularise the site. Even those shouting "foul" "foul" "foul" have to admit that they logged onto that site more than once. Surely, if we really belong on the moral high-ground that we steadfastlly claim to stand one..We'd have only spared one peek..I think sometimes there are discrepancies between who we really are and who we actually think we are! Comment after comment slandered and cursed the unadmittedly devious writers but surely most of us have to take responsibility for the part we played in making the site the raving success that it was..

Bad news travels fast..Bad Gossip travels even faster..and the worst thing about it is..We all love it..As long as it has nothing to do with us..

I didn't agree with the concept of the blog but I was too human to leave a chastising message- After all, I had to ponder the indiscretion of my fingers who frequently crept back to the site to read the latest update.

The internet can be an ugly place..Bad gossip can be very entertaining.as long as it doesn't happen to YOU..!

Monday Blues..

2006-09-11T18:35:00.000+01:00

After a weekend of serenading, imagine my irritation at having to spend the whole day in an Options pricing class..I wish the lecturer was a tad bit interesting..I just hope I learnt enough to pull off that I attended the course..Good news- Day one is over. Bad news- Three more days to go..

Also found out that there's a Nigerian buka-on -wheels @ Liverpool Street. I had J-rice,fish, plantain and beef..(weird but true). All of this cost me 5 quid..Not bad I must admit..But considering that carbs are bad for you..I doubt If I'm going to be one of her loyal customers..So I'm standing in the queue and a blonde petite girl walks up to Madam Buka and asks her if she sells Thai food? I'm like "try reading the signs"..I guess some people just think that anything post-English pretty much tastes the same..The woman should have sold her some hot efo and ewedu plus amala..And I'm sure she'll never forget the difference..

Anyway, for a second today..I don't think I was very Bullish on Life but all it took was a quick reminder and I'm back on track..

I'm off to a Thai restaurant..I hope don't get served efo when I sit down to dine.lol

RBOARF.......

2006-09-05T10:01:00.000+01:00

The weirdest things happen to the simplest people, or so I like to think..
The last two weeks have been mad in so many ways, so I thank you for building this bridge
SA really isn't all that far..
So I guess I'l be seeing you soon..lol
There's probably so much I'd love to write
But for the sake of simplicity I'll say
Thanks for coming the extra mile(or 3000 miles as the case may be)
Fly Safe...

BOL...

2006-09-05T09:59:00.000+01:00

So I've abandoned my blog as I do..now and again..What can I say? I've been busy..
Moving on, I'm back at work and I'm ready to take the bull by the horns..
Every now and again, we all resort to making resolutions which we often do not stick to.
Well, this time I've decided to adhere to the rather abridged resolutions I've now set for myself.
As with most of these things, you need to work towards a goal..and therefore need to define what success will mean in that space..

Another year is coming to an end.Where on earth is time flying to?
Last time I checked I was a toddler..lol
I'm bullish on Life and Love and all the Little things that we all take for granted.
God's an artist, so I just love to watch him painting the masterpiece that is my life.

Thats the sole factor that gives method to m madness..

Pre-birthdayocratic yarns

2006-08-25T16:25:00.001+01:00

It's my birthday tomorrow..Try as I may, I can never take the onslaught of this day unseriously enough..I'm always expectant..After all, God decided on that day xxxxx years ago, life as I knew it would change..So I celebrate in the knowledge that He has kept me through another year, filling me with purpose.August is an amazing month to be born in, and you just have to be one of us to understand..

My yardstick for success and happiness is obviously very different from the next mans' but I thank God because he always shows Grace and comes through for me.Funny though that I still remember my tenth birthday with so much clarity.It's intriguing to think about the concept of time and how we can't do anything to slow or quicken its pace..The day will tick away regardless of your mood..In a way, knowing this is almost soothing in itself...One hour will always be sixty minutes which will always be sixty seconds..

Life isn't that consistent..In fact, we've always heard that the only thing constant in life is change.So sometimes I like to focus and enjoy who I am today, harbouring at the back of mind that this will truly affect what I am tomorrow.How? I might not know. But lets just say a dog will never give birth to cats..

Thing is some people think they can only trust themselves..I say you can only trust God because when push comes to shove..even you can disappoint "you"..

Another birthday is going to come and go..I have no idea where I'll be this time next year..All I know is that regret-free, I'll look back and smile..because everyday was part if the process..

Friends come, friends go..Hearts break and mend again..the clock ticks steadfastly away..and Ify will continue to surprise herself and those who care to indulge..

Random- it ain't all bad...

2006-08-25T11:53:00.000+01:00

Life has a way of throwing things at you...thats why we have to remain hooked to God...Sometimes, when I get a rather pleasant surprise..I can't help but smile..God is Good..

Random happenings aren't always so bad...You just have to keep your head up..otherwise you might miss the moment when that rather random stranger might be looking your way...

Here's to Random happenings and Random moments shared in the most Random of places..

You're Perfect...Almost...lol

Act One, Scene Two

2006-08-18T16:48:00.000+01:00

Its been almost two months since I hung up my corporate suit..
Today will be my last day off..
The summer is officially over
Monday will mark the beginning of a new era..
All I ask is God's Grace..
With him looking down on me..
World domination is imminent..

Ermmmm..??

2006-08-16T14:22:00.000+01:00

It just started raining cats and dogs!
Guess I spoke too soon :-(

Encore

2006-08-16T14:00:00.000+01:00

Yay......

The summer's back..!!

My tan was beginning to fade out,

Out to get a top-up :-)

Postcript

2006-08-16T13:53:00.000+01:00

I guess Romance is not dead after all...How would else would you describe his understate gesture to brace the cold just because she couldn't be warm???

C'est tres interessant...(Pardon my French)

Who moved my Cheese?

2006-08-16T00:36:00.000+01:00

As another summer draws to a close, I can't help but wonder what this years' souveneirs will be..I've had countless conversations along the lines of "Do you remember the summer when we did...or when they..or when we went.."These precious keepsakes are undoubtedly as important as the sunshine itself.Admittedly, these welcome souveneirs are decreasing at an alarming rate..I'm sure not looking forward to the phase when one summer is just like another..Euwww..sends shivers down by spine just to think about it..

In all fairness, this summer, albeit in a different way, has been very important in its own way..So I suspect when I flip back the history books, this summer will definitely stand its ground in the charts..2002 has probably been the most memorable summer for me, till date ;-)

Anyway, as I look into the not too distant future, I admit that I will have to fight to make my summers count...Trips abroad, sightseeing on London tour buses..whatever..I just won't let this inertia gripping environment take me down with it..You know?

I just don't understand folks that don't travel and don't like Music..(As I speak I'm watching Lick classics on MTV base...some of the songs are taking me back a few summers..Music happens to provide some of the best souvenirs of summers well spent)..

Isn't it weird how some people just vanish from your life? Even weirder how sometimes we don't even notice that these people have gone down under until their name comes up in conversation randomly..Just bizarre how one era ends and another one begins and we just don't know..Can you ascertain the exact moment when you fell in love with Mr or Ms X? Looking back, can you tell when you fell out of love with your ex? Hmm, obviously assuming that you've moved on.Some people still reside in the past..

Life just seems to move on with or without our permission..Summers come and go..Years come and go..Partners come and go as do Friends...All we can do is seize and enjoy the moments so we can look back and smile..On this journey called life, all we can do is make sure we keep on top of the game..Prob a bit calculating..but I sure hope I outgrow more people than outgrow me..It's almost a race..But as long as you know God has your back..you don't have to worry..The race is not always to the swift..

Change is the only element thats constant..so we have to embrace it..Building castles one brick at a time..

Life's what we make of it...It's a beautiful thing...

M&M's

2006-08-14T18:40:00.000+01:00

So,half way through a purely rhetorical conversation about men, my Cameroonian friend(who shall remain nameless) comments that she doesn't understand why Nigerians are so obsessed about Money an Marriage(in that order)..This made me laugh, although I couldn't help thinking that there was some truth to the rather random statement!

Apparently, she does not understand why Nigerian men are always full of giant ideas. They have huge ideas and think they can go from paupers to princes in one swift move.Before I had the chance to fully rumminate these comments, she admitted that she did want to move back home- to a big house with a swimming pool..Hmm, so I thought, so maybe its not only the Nigerians who dream big?

Whats a man or woman for that matter without dreams? hopes? etcetera, etcetera....But my question is "When can you identify a dreamer as just that, and nothing more" 32? 35? 38? At what age can you look at a man and say to him..wake up and get a job, you're never going to be president!Well, at least not if you carry on down this path...Most women like security so admittedly, its quite bizarre to handle a 32 year old with zero track record but a head full of lofty ideas.You've never had a job, you didn't do well at school, ok you talk the talk, but when do you start walking the walk...??

In the perfect world, a man with dreams would be perfect companion because every great idea started from a simple dream.But who really wants to get stuffed with a truck full of dreams when there are bills to be paid.?

Anyway, on to this issue of the M&M's..Marriage and Money...
Actually, I'm on the phone with Goose..I'll finish it later!

.............

2006-08-14T18:28:00.000+01:00

A certain someone I know signs their e-mails as follows:

"It may take you forever to arrive at the place you long to get to, but no one will remember that once you do".

For some bizarre reason, everything time I receive an e-mail from him, I linger a little while on this line, even though I've seen it quite a few times..

She smiles...

Ardent..

2006-08-12T14:31:00.001+01:00

Ok.Now give me the base line..
It's a Hard Knock Life for us..lol
Is the glass half full or half empty?
Well, most of us..In my opinion will live our lives out depending on which side of the fence we belong to..
Some people say Mr. Romance is dead...I prefer to think that he's sleeping.
It all depends really..
Take L.A for example..He thinks I'm a difficult, stress-full, emotionally high maintenance sister..and whereas I don't have sufficient data points to prove him utterly wrong..I have evidence that suggests that with the right matrix, I can be part of a composite structure that is both formidable and weather resistant...lol(winking again).

I look at successful people who once upon a time seemed to be no good..and my conclusion still hovers around the fact that you still need to know what side of the fence you belong to..Confidence,self-belief and a strong mind-set you can't buy from Portobello market..Sometimes, I ask myself "Ifeanyichukwu, what is your story??" If one does not have one's story straight in one's head..one is left open for alien infections of all sorts..So when that fine looking brother with the "S" on his chest tells me he thinks I should be more laid back..I'll laugh politely and focus on my story...

Thing is though..some us balance unevenly on the fine line that is called sanity..So it helps to have at least one other person that buys into your story...Now is when the complications mount up..The variables that exist make the equations complex.Great, when you have your family on your side, it sure does make life easier..But somehow, they have to buy your story..so maybe in as much as they count the most...on some angles, you can equate them = negligible(lol, let my mother read that)..

So we spend most our lives trying to balance the following equation

Love+ Value system = Partner + Soul mate

If any one of these blocks are skewed, the equation shifts out of balance..

So, in typical human style...we (ignorantly) look for the balanced(finished) equation..Only to stop and think..Hold on a second..Acid + Alkali= Salt and Water..However,this equation does not start out balanced..You start off with too little salt and gradually, the equation shifts to the right until we achieve the balanced state...And most of all, for all this to happen "Energy(Work)" has to be applied..If energy is not applied, the acid and alkali remain exactly as they are..

In true twenty-first century style, we all want "everything" and we want it now..!!For two individuals to undergo a true merger(and not an acquisition), "Work" needs to be done on both sides..Arguably, sometimes, the "energy" required for some mergers make the whole effort unfeasible and a waste of time..I guess that's where due diligence comes in..Not forgetting the basics, God and common sense..

Everything we have, we will have to work for..Easy come,easy go..That applies to Everything..

So we decide,will it be easier to empty out the rest of the glass or do we just put the work in and fill up the already half-filled glass..

IA.

12/08/06

2006-08-12T13:57:00.000+01:00

Just spent the week away from London..
Feel so much better now..
So much so that I'm ready to re-enter my world now..
Still something missing though..
Still can't place my finger on it.

I'm 24 in two weeks.
Still don't feel a day over 19..lol
Next stop..25...
Hmm, I'm quietly excited..
Soon...The aunts and uncles are going to start asking for my other half.
I have more than a dozen distasteful retorts for any mis-probing questions..

Do they think I'm sitting with my hands crossed doing nothing?
Actually, thats exactly what I'm doing..lol
After all,he needs to get his head straight and convince me..(she winks)
No fun when it's the other way round..
Go figure..!

Anyway, new year, new job..
Seems like a good time to stuff in some resolutions..
Watch This Space..

Dreams come True

2006-07-27T16:54:00.000+01:00

So, Its the hottest summer I've ever seen in my nine years of steadfastly living in London..And I've been off work for about a month now, with roughly another month to go..

I quit GS and decided it was time to test the waters..What can I say? I'm truly blessed and I'm starting with Macquarie in August. Didn't have a job when I left GS but I know the God that I serve- I wouldn't/couldn't be left hanging..

So now- back to the summer..Spent some of last week @ the Big apple...did some shopping, sightseeing et al and came back.

Now, I discover that I'm a bit of a workaholic- I miss being at work.Most of my friends are at work-Thank God for Toby Martins, she's been my comrade so far..and I couldn't have asked for better really..

So, today..I'm sitting at home, with absolutely nothing to do.I'm sure I have a to-do list lying around somewhere but I'm in a sorry state of inertia..and it's so HOT!!

Oh yes and I lost my phone AND all my contacts so reaching out is that much more difficult..I hear you ask: What do you want to tonight? All I can say is: " I NEED someone to creatively take me on a date.." Dinner and a movie will not cut it today..Why are guys these days so conventional? What happened to the guys who used to be interesting and creative? Shoot! Maybe it's me? Have I morphed into this un-pleasable being? I doubt it? But I just have so many questions unanswered. The summer is perfect! I have time off work! In fact, I'm being paid to have time off work..and no its not a holiday..Some people would say I have it all..On second thoughts, I think I do..I Thank God for the amazing opportuntity he has given me..

I think I'm going to go for a swim..

2006-05-12T00:05:00.000+01:00

Ok, I'm going home now.
Its 00.03 am. I should not be at work!
Good Night!
Muah.................x

2006-05-12T00:01:00.000+01:00

God grant me the Serenity
Grant Bxxo the Serenity too
Work without sleep CANNOT be easy

Still..

2006-05-11T23:51:00.000+01:00

So I haven't written a while. So much to say, so little time to say it. I've missed writing my thoughts down on paper(virtual as it may be).

Life has a way of throwing the weirdest things at you.How can anybody say there's no God?? We live and we learn and we continue to ask for Grace..

Nobody knows how long we're here to stay. But we have no choice but to life to the fullest.

Life is a hustle. You need God on your side

Place Neuve

2006-03-14T14:46:00.000Z

So, I've been away for ever so long
Quiet but far from silent
Thoughts constantly racing through my head
Ideas not stopping to take in air
Yes, its 2006 and I'm going to be 24 this year
For once in my life I'm stable
Man trouble , a thing of the past
Yes, they come and go
But they need to come and go..
I never forget though..
After all a person is the sum total of her memories..
But I'm loving the peace in my heart, the tranquillity of my Spirit
I feel..I feel..almost like God is preparing for something unique
I smell it in the air..feel it in my bones.
But remain absolutely clueless as to what it is..
But when it does come, whatever "it" is..It won't be a second late..
And I'll be ready..after all God is on the throne..

Reminisc-ant

2006-01-25T08:38:00.000Z

As we drift apart, into our separate worlds..forcing further apart the bonds that we once held dear…

I feel the need to stop and reminsce cos there's no point fighting it.

We might have come to the end of the road.

Maybe the powers that be will mean that our winds regain on a collision path..

But in the eventuality that this one is for good..

I'll have to stop and reminisce cos there's no point fighting it.

We might have come to the end of the road..

Memories abound in my head and my heart..

I still smile when I hear your favourite tunes, but after all said and done

I'll have to stop and reminisce cos there's no point fighting it.

We might have come to the end of the road..

You'll always have a part of me, frozen and kept unfazed by time

Now and again I'll look into our book and

I'll have to stop and reminisce cos there's no point fighting it.

We might have come to the end of the road..

2006-01-24T01:31:00.000Z

God has a way of ALWAYS making a way where there seems to be NO way.
Amazing really..I guess he owns all the doors, so why not really?

2006-01-19T23:00:00.000Z

Commitment,Companionship, Conflict,Conviction, Confusion, Connection, Chemistry..Catch my drift??

Another New Beginning

2006-01-07T23:27:00.001Z

So I've been to Nigeria and back and its the new year..
New Dreams, desires..you name it.
Only God can tell what the year will have in store..
But he judiciously keeps it a secret
I'm thankful for last year and the years before that
But I look forward to what the years beyond me will hold..
Joys,Tears..and all the Rollercoaster rides that come along..
As the book of events unknown begins to undoubtedly unfold..
I look on in anticipation..
Living and trying to love every second as it whizzes pass..
After all, the alternative would be unbearable..

Raindrops

2005-12-06T23:00:00.000Z

Raindrops on my window sill
The world around deceptively melting away
I'm warm underneath my absorbing covers..So
Let it Rain..
Let it Rain..

After all, after this comes the sun..
Everything'll better than it once was.
My world'll become a brighter place..So
Let it Rain..
Let it Rain.

I'll send out a dove to explore the horizons
She'll guide me through the seasons of change.
But soon she'll find my oasis..So
Let it Rain
Let it Rain..

2005-11-26T18:57:00.001Z

It's freezing
I'm a tropical being..
I feel the need to hibernate..
Naija where are you???

Silent Thoughts..

2005-11-24T22:35:00.000Z

You reinspire me
Undeniably..
(Breathe...)

So remarkably
you rekindle me
Tirelessly
(Sigh...)

So contentedly..
Generously..
I give you everything
(Smile...)

When I look at you..
Quietly..
I think..
(Wow..)

2005-11-22T21:43:00.000Z

And it the end..
It does all really matter..
I can't wait to look back and smile..
The world is ours..
What to do with it now?

Act 2

2005-11-13T22:13:00.000Z

Music's playing in the background..
The tune's so rich..
Goose Pimples..
Something expodes..
Everything's quiet..
She steps beside herself..
Speechless..
Silent..
Suffice to say..
Words are useless..
Curtain falls..
Enough..

And again..

2005-11-13T22:01:00.000Z

I feel a knot in my insides
Something's not right..
I've learnt to trust my insticts.
They prove right..again and again..
The ability of man to disappoint is one that
Intrigues me again and again..
Sometimes, I cant even trust myself to
do whats right for me..
I find myself on that road again..
Where I need to contemplate the pits
That may lie so incospicuosly before me.
But then again, history has proven that
I'm not the most rational of people..
But trying telling that to a clamp..
I've seen it unfold in my head.
The pessimist that I can be..
I dare you to prove me wrong.
Besides,I know the rules..
Most of them written in stone..
I could ramble forever.
All I know is one thing..
Something's not right..
Alarm bells are ringing in my head..

Stranger in our midst..

2005-11-10T21:58:00.000Z

Stranger in our midst..
Where have you come from?
Three nightfalls ago,as we dined under the moon's light..
You became us
And we became you...
...and for a split second, for a moment in time..
Everything was perfect..just as it should be..
As we linked hands under the moon's embrace,
In acceptance of the path laid before us..
It all made sense..
And one cannot help but wonder?
What if our stranger had chosen a different path?
What if we had moved on too soon?
Before the doubts threaten to ruin the harmony..
We are reminded..
All is as it should be..

2005-11-05T01:14:00.000Z

Sometimes, I wonder where I learnt the art of saying so much, yet revealing little or nothing?
When I think about the thoughts et al which I have never shared with a soul..I marvel..
But then again, I've learnt to be my own best friend..
Perhaps, one day I'll trust another enough..
To bare my soul and unburden my heart..

Oh..

2005-11-05T00:43:00.000Z

Sometimes I want out of this struggle..
The constant battle to validate oneself.
Can result in mental fatigue in more ways than one..
The thing is you dare not forget
Cos the race will go on with or without you..

Sometimes I feel the need to sleep and dream for awhile..
Waking up, seemingly painful..
However inevitable it might seem..
The thing is you dare not oversleep.
Procrastination is only a short term remedy..

Too many questions running around in my head..
Cross roads converging to assumedly taunt me..
Sods law up and running as smoothly as usual.
Where do I go from here?
And what happens next?

In times like these, I hope on "The Rock"
He's all that's left...
Besides the fickleness of man..
Grant me the serenity..oh God.
I pray daily.Amen again and again..

2005-11-01T20:44:00.000Z

Funny how Time flies..
But when you think about it..
We also change so much in so little time..
God grant me the serenity.

What's in a song?

2005-11-01T20:28:00.000Z

Tonight, I sing a new song
Simply because tomorrow brings with it a new tune..
I think back to old chords, sung and unsung.and I appreciate
Because my History is part of who I am and who I will be someday.
And as I close the book of things past
To allow it rest on the shelves where dust resides.
Don't be fooled..Because I do it
Nostalgically but willingly..
But that was a moment ago.
As I look to the future..
Thoughts of new tunes come to my mind
And I grow a spring in my step.
I hold my head up high..
I throw a whistle to the wind.
I'm not looking back,that's for sure.

2005-10-25T22:23:00.000+01:00

What will I bring?
When the trumpets consume me?

Who will I hold?
When the sea rages before me?

Who will I send?
To the corners that hide me?

Surely, as the sun rises from the west and sets in the east..
I know you will come..

Time?

2005-10-25T21:55:00.000+01:00

This whole concept of "Time" utterly intrigues me.We listen to songs that preach "Do not let time pass you by", etc etc etc..Then we have the ones that say "Seize the moments" or even the random timeless quotes like "Time waits for no man".Needless to say that time is something that we all take for granted..Some people spend their lives hurrying and scurrying away, trying to hit theit "mirage" type targets..and they forget to lets say "Seize the moments"..Others, spend too much time analyzing and dwelling on the moments,which means that time continually eludes them..

But surely all this is subjective..Even the bible says that a 1000 years can be like one day to God, and vice versa..So maybe we measure our concept and perception of time relative to one another and our society at large..

I think sometimes about being in the "City Rat Race" makes you forget about what is important.That five minutes during the day spent on the phone to someone you love..that unexpected visit with flowers from someone who cares.these are not time consuming per say but provide memories that last a lifetime..

Reality is T:ime will wait for no one..We all have to ask for wisdom to do the right things at the right time..

I can't change yesterday..21:55 on the 25th October, 2005 is now a record in nature's eternal history book..I can afect 22:i5, and that's what is important..One miniscule "move" can alter the course of your life forever..

Sometimes I think about coincidence and how random moments in one's life line up to result in a seemingly thought out end.Weird..but I guess all things work together for the good of those that love him..

After all, the only factor constant in life is "change"..

OIA

2005-10-19T14:53:00.000+01:00

The best things in life are free...
The past few weeks have been a dream
I want to appreciate right here and now..
Cos one day, you'll need to know

If

2005-10-18T00:26:00.000+01:00

If you could hold me and whispher in my ears.
What would you say?

If you could write me a song.
What would words spring to mind?

If my life depended on it..
Would you give it?

If our love was a lie..
Would you leave?

Hey..

2005-10-17T22:15:00.000+01:00

It only takes a fraction of a second to bring me closer to you..
Strangers as we once were,oblivious as the wind.
And now in one, inexplicable moment..
The script is rewritten..
The cast is replaced.
Cynical as I am, I daren't forget that I've been down this road before..
But somewhere, somehow..
This is different.
It seems like forever since I last went down this road..
Youthful exuberance means that we forget the lessons we've learnt..
But who cares..
As long as we're together..
In this world and the next
This is the stuff that dreams are made of

Another Fri night in London

2005-10-15T04:48:00.000+01:00

So its another Friday night, and the cycle is ending where it has begun. I haven't seen my phone in almost twenty-four hours, and It hasn't been a thing..This Fri night was amazing though..Saw the World,or at least some of it from the London Eye..then walked down the embankment,sauntering to the sounds of the keys being struck by this woman and her piano..Had the most amazing dinner as well..All in all, I appreciate a night well spent..especially compared to many a night that have been spent brooding and delirious (maybe ~I'm slightly exaggerating)..

Merci beaucoup...

Here's to many more chilled ones..

African Art

2005-10-12T22:52:00.000+01:00

So I went to the Sainbury’s Gallery at the British Museum today….I was confronted by an array of mixed emotions. On one hand, I was proud..Proud to be African, particularly Nigerian..As I listened to the curator narrate the colourful tales behind some of the art work (metal work, pottery, bronze sculptures, fabrics, modern art), I was drawn back to the days when Benin and Ife were Empires to reckon with..When the Kings were worshipped not because they were corrupt but because it was as assumed not only that they were chosen by the gods, but they were stronger than all other men and animals..The bronze work from Benin told tales of a time when we were the centre of trade,when men were men, and when values were engraved in stone..When I looked upon those pieces, I not only saw the beauty, but I appreciated the time, precision, hard work, patience, commitment that went into these amazing carvings (for want of a better word).

Then what about the history behind these pieces..I felt ashamed for not knowing more.As I listened to this stranger talk so passionately about “a people” whose blood run through my veins…I felt like I had not done enough..Our heritage is being diluted as we pass from generation to generation, and there’s not much being done about it..Ok, we study history at school, but all is soon forgotten..Even worse for those who are raised here..they don’t stand a chance..You look at the sophisticated and expertly moulded pottery. Every marking tells a tale of a time that was..These people were strong, they had knowledge, they were doctors, albeit traditional medicine..You had to appreciate the intricacy of the designs on the knives..Forget the samurai sword, we have even better…Apparently, these weirdly shaped knives were so valuable, they were used as currency in those days..The world is full of sob stories of Africa being deprived and backwards..but we need to take these stories with a pinch of salt.. We need to appreciate where we’ve come from to understand how far we can go..

I think I felt some pangs of anger..Angry that we had so much taken from us..then I felt stupid because I know that these pieces of “evidence” would not have existed if they were left in our care..

But after all said and done..I learnt a lot tonight, and I hope I just don’t leave it there..

,,,

2005-10-09T16:58:00.000+01:00

There's so much to live for..
I love being reminded of this..
the world is full of so much beauty..
So much to see,to learn..to absorb..
And when I find one who shares these passions..
Surely the world will be our oyster..

French Thoughts

2005-10-09T16:57:00.002+01:00

So, this girl is rounding up a weekend in France. I've been in Paris, beautiful as usual..but I've spent the day exploring Fontableau, Baxtine, and a few other villages whose names escape me..Wow..is all I can say..I've been dreaming all day..I've seen the ideal castle for my wedding..yep.just as I've dreamed it..I've enjoyed french cuisine..had loads of rest..and even partied in one of these "chateaus"(not sure if the plural is represented like that)..

But now it's time for me to come home...I love going away..but I'm always happy to return to London Heathrow or Gatwick as the case may be..

I'm quite sentimental so its not long before i start missing my family, friends, and even the English weather..home is where the heart is..

LOL..What can I say??

Rantings

2005-10-05T23:29:00.000+01:00

Who can guess the silent thoughts that invade my mind?
Who can imagine the silent cravings that consume my mind.?
Who dare anwser to the silent calls that escape my lips?
I wonder?
The answers lie beyond..

2005-10-05T23:24:00.000+01:00

It's good to finally have things worked out in my head..
I know what I want..and there's going to be no compromise..
LOL..sure feels good..sure feels good..

Life Goes On

2005-10-03T22:36:00.000+01:00

One minute a guy is your friend.
Next thing he starts to like you..
Then you push him away..
Two years later, you're still friends.
You know he still likes you..
A year from then, he smells the coffee.
He gets engaged, and you're not phased.
He gets married, and you raise an eyebrow..
Then he has a kid..And you're like wow.
The nail sinks in, HE's GONE..

So, you know your ex still loves you..
These feelings are not mutual.
Somewhere in sub-zero though...
You think you still have a stake...
Ok, he can't seem to keep a girl..
You're like wow..
When he's going to be over you?
You seem him out, once in a while..
Chemicals reacting at 98 deg celsius.
You call each other once in a while..
And pretend that all's well.
You're single, so is he..
All's good, at least on the surface..
You wake up one day to find him married..
Wow, shock, horror and more shock.
Another One Bites The Dust..

The train will move with or without you...If you hang on..you might get trampled..

Memories

2005-10-03T22:23:00.000+01:00

We are a sumtotal of the memories we possess..We are born as templates, and the memories that we accumulate begin to define us..mould us almost..Imagine for a split second that one contacted amnesia..Your world would be blank..You don't know you're supposed to be beautiful, smart, loved, etc etc etc..You lose your benchmark, your rationale..The only reason we miss the "dead" is because we "remember" ..

Sometimes I think I live my life by this "rack up the memories" approach.. almost..As long as I have God, and he makes me sensible..then I can enjoy today..and look forward to tomorrow...

Sometimes we meet someone new,and we are so preoccupied by the future that we forget to enjoy "today".Brings me back to FEAR..

All things work together for the good of those that love him..so I'll catch my trips today, take what I can get..and let tomorrow work itself out..(Ha..or so I keep telling myself)

What if? Nah, never mind..

One Sunday Morning

2005-10-02T15:12:00.000+01:00

The message today can only be described as inspirational.. To receive the abundant blessings we think we deserve from God..we have to change our paradigms..We can all think we are "saved" but if our minds are not renewed, and we have not changed our paradigms..

And this thing about fear...What is actually the worst thing that can happen? I'm going to choose not to be afraid of whatever, whenever it comes...

Because really..What is the worst that can happen..especially whrn I have THE ONE on my side..

2005-10-02T02:28:00.000+01:00

This has been one of the most amazing days I've had for a while..a very long while..I thank God for making it just right..and I thank "you" for making it mem orable..:-) I raise a glass to you!!

Life's full of surprises...

October is Black History Month

2005-10-01T10:08:00.000+01:00

I guess it's time to remember..appreciate..
and maybe time to return some of our antiques and ancient artwork to us...LOL..

October- First

2005-10-01T09:07:00.000+01:00

I wonder if I'll be celebrating with the rest today..
I've lived one score and three so one can argue that I don't get the full picture.
I come from a land flowing with milk and honey..
A Canaan pregnant with God's promises..
But what do my people do..?
We all want the finest things and we want them NOW..
We ship away the raw materials for almost nothing and import the finished products for prices that make my heart bleed..
Our men our strong, smart, proud..the best in the land..
But I think it's time to stop selling our birthrights for a lousy mess of porridge.
Europe has nothing.No Gold,hardly any Oil..No Diamonds..
Africa has it ALL..
It's time to PUT a stop to this curse..
It's time to learn from the past and look to the future.
I want my kids to be proud of their land,their culture, their heritage..
I want to turn on CNN, and see the West coming to Africa to suck up and beg..
Look at China,oh, look at China..
They've crept up on the world and taken us all by surprise..
The biggest organisations are queuing up to mop up their feet.
The Giants of the World begged for years just to have them revalue their currency..even marginally..

Nigeria can argue that it is young..but I say accepting that "age" is subjective in itself..Oh wow.We "gained" our independence in 1960..
We still have not gained jack..Our leaders still have to go and grovel at the feet of the G7 every now and again..

Yes, and why we might all have grand plans for change and revolution..Lets all plant mustard seeds..If you've ever seen them, they are small and almost insignificant, but when they grow..You should see the mighty trees they become.

If we all planted mustard seeds..In our children, in our friends, in our communities, in our enemies..

Lets root out greed, jealousy, and all the things that divide a nation..We all need a VISION.."The African Dream"..I don't subscribe to tribalism..why be just from Delta, when I can be Nigerian.and why be just Nigerian when I can be American..

It's easy to go for talks and have fancy ideas, etc, etc..but our homes are still full of cobwebs..Don't marry this, don't marry that..WHAT?? Marriage is one of the strongest tools that we have..Maybe if more of the Hutus had intermarried the Tootsies, we could have stoppped a major African disaster..which the world never really cared about..I guess they don't have diamonds or oil in Rwanda..

I'm a sucker for a "well-spoken brother"..I can't even lie...Fine boys can only go so far with me..And that's cos we all need a voice..How can you expect to get listened to when you can't string words together intelligently? Come on?

Even in London, we don't have a voice.The 419..ners, and the "Odu" boys have managed to steal the spotlight..All the eloquent, well-educated boys are happily chilling in the background..content with their "local" achievements..RUBBISH..Even worse, some of them are no longer "Afrcan".. They think they're now British..LOL..Some people are just ignorant..Yes,I was born here, and yes I have a "BRITICO" passport..and my mum and her mum were born here..but the blood flowing through our veins have come from some "cute" village in Nigeria :-)

And that's why to some extent, I repsect African Americans..they recognise that there's a problem..and that's a good place to start..

It's time to stop thinking that having a couple of mansions in VGC, a cook, and a dog
is enough to see us through..The world is shrinking,and we need a VOICE...before we pale into total insignificance..

But we have hope..I mean we're invading the Investment Banks, the Law firms, the Oil Companies..Mustard seeds, all of these are..after all, a "VOICE" needs some sort of authenticity..Trevor Macdonald came to GS the other day..and my, what a voice..An over-suscribed event where people even had to stand silently as his voice infiltrated the auditorium..Imgaine what that kind of "POWER" can do

As we all toast to Nigeria's "independence"..lets not forget that we haven't really achieved that much..So please don't get intoxicated..there's still TOO much work to be done.

Am I Random or what?.

2005-09-29T15:25:00.000+01:00

LOL.It just takes one LOOK from the right person to change the dynamics of a neutral equation.! Ha, so then comes the chemical inbalance, the butterflies in the stomach.the daydreams at night..Time apparently heals all wounds, cleanses all fears and reveals all secrets.Well, my headache has subsided..and TIME spent in bed has been well appreciated..The world certainly looks different when you're out on a week day..So ok,I haven't given my number to a guy for AGES..Wow..for TIME..actually..Hmm, something has to give..It's just that I'm not in the mood for the random dinner date with the random guy who has random things to say..But you just never know..You know what? What? It's time to be RANDOM..TIME spent doing RANDOM things might just prove to be interesting..Right..Random act (1)..I'm going to Paris weekend after next..There's a James Bond Ball I've been invited to and I'll be needing a frock..How much does BA charge for flights to Paris these days?..Ha..My Parisian friends will definitely be shocked.Who would have thought..That Random lines written from Random thoughts on a Random day would lead me on to a Random trip weekend after next..I must be RANDOM..Ha!

Awwww

2005-09-29T11:16:00.000+01:00

Awwww..We still have some really sweet folks in this world..Really makes all the difference.. Thanks..;-)

After thought

2005-09-29T09:10:00.000+01:00

I've been ill for a couple of days now, and I still managed to make it into work..somewhere between eight and nine last night..It dawned on me, that "this work" will surely go on if something rather unfortunate happened to me tomorrow..

I've refocused and for the first time in my life..I've called in sick..Your life is your own..God has given you the responsibility to look after your self.If you don't look after number one..NOBODY will..

I have so much to be thankful for..and so much more to live for..

2005-09-28T00:36:00.000+01:00

I am so tired..mind and body...Only my soul stays resilient..
What I would do for a..............

Please wake me, I'm dreaming

2005-09-24T18:59:00.000+01:00

Please wake me when the sun decides to wander to the east
Don't leave me wading in this determined uncertainty
Lie by my side and watch me smile
As I move rhythmically to the tune in my dreams
I feel the warmth from your breath and the strings in your heart
Leave your arms tightly wrapped around my resonating form
Don't let go before the nightmare hunters get me
Stroke my hair so my unconscious revels in your presence
But when it's morning and you have to leave
Please wake me, I don't want to keep on dreaming..

2005-09-24T18:46:00.000+01:00

There is a some kind of clarity that one gets from spending time alone, pondering..It's truly amazing.But then you also have to deal with the harsh realities, and that's not easy either. I'm increasingly enjoying weekends where I just spend time with me, myself and I. It's almost like I'm chilling in a different world..and then maybe my phone rings, and I get confused for the split second before I say "hello"..This weekend I've realised two things..Being young is an invaluable resource..All you need to do is dream it, and it's possible... I've also learnt that you have to take this whole "friendship" thing with a pinch of salt.GOD is the only one who's forever unchanging, forever reliable, forever loving..Putting your trust in any thing in human form is clearly asking for trouble..I can't even trust myself to do what I think I will when I think i will..But it all comes with the territory.
I think I'm going to go visit an old friend tonight..I'm in the mood to reminisce, so I think a visit to the past is quite in order..Being human, I ought to be home by midnight..