So many years have passed but maybe not so much time...
As I have watched life scroll by as though we were watching a slide show of some sort..
I've come to learn many lessons..some good, well some not so...
Life as I've come to find is neither black nor white.
Just all sorts and shades of gray and tones with hues
Being content is probably one of the greatest secret of all..
God loves us, so why be worrying for the morrows.
I expect a lot, I dream for so much..
But God is control..and that is the base line..

It's been a while..

So I have ignored my blog for a long minute but I think I'm ready to reaquaint myself..It's not that I havent been writing..its just been stored and kept in various little corners..oh well..its good to be back

Q4

Practically three-quarters through the year and this has been a stellar year..the world as we know it has changed but never has it been so important to acknowledge and emphasize that the source of our power is God and so even though all things shatter..we stand firm and strong..knowing that because He lives, we can face tomorrow and there is no such thing as fear..

As we surge towards the end of zero eight- we remain expectant..Loving God, Loving Love and Loving Life...

January..

Night comes and I will My Own to come home to me..tired, exhausted, wasted..but willing and restlessly he seeks out my voice, different and distinct from all the cluttering that can ring in a Man's head. It leaves me panting and unsophisticated..but content and still..The skies are angry and darken but My Own is in my arms...rocking by the fire that is Our Love and the Strength that is Our Life...The clock ticks and I tuck him into Our Nest..and watch the lamp play with the angles on his firm, characteristic jaw..All mine, All here...I sigh..planting a kiss on that forehead that will worry if I cry..or if the bed bugs bite....I hear him stir in the dark and I feel him seek me out, unrelenting in his efforts as I groan silently, trying not to falter the art I have come to worship..Skin to Skin..he finds and knows me and I feel like its the first time again..just like I did the night before and the night before that....Through muffled sounds from somewhere inside I ask if He does..and He smiles that smile that is only for me..And that is Enough..hisss..and with another sigh He rocks me to sleep, sweet and rhytimically like I was a new born babe...and as I dry desperately hang on to these moments of bliss..before the light comes and I lose him to that world again..tearfully still, I tear myself away as somewhere inside, the voice reminds that He is mine and haste I must make for all must be at peace when he cometh home tonight..My Love, My One, My All

Questions...not rhetoric

Is it wrong to think that life is o'er simple?
As right from wrong gets blurred, where do people place God in all this?
Do you know that I'm not half as cynical as I sound?
Will love fnd me even if I'm running a mile?

What happens after we cross that line?
Will you be there when the chips fail me?
What If our love was indeed meant to be?
How will I know if you really love me?

What will they say when we tell them our news?
Can our love survive the normality of life?
When people pry, how will we cry?
If our love dies, where will we hide?

Forbidden

I had a really weird dream last night…I woke up panting…
Tossing and turning indecisively…my mind deliberating..
Caught between this world and Peter pan's
Compare and contrast these rhythms, not blues..

Refusing to give in to the desire within..I give in whimsically
The door's left ajar and I peep in..breathlessly
What it is that lies within moves me to tears
The forbidden fruit plagues me o'er so tirelessly

Crying my heart out..ever so decidedly
Resolve was quick on the mark..no questions suprisingly
The fate that haunts me I did dare to find me
The sweet nectar of it all I now vow to enjoy

Awake in a flash..while the memories abound
Lying there motionless…confuses me paradoxically
Back in the real world and the shivers resume
Long term the forbidden fruit will leave me not unharmed..

XXV

As another year euphorically comes knocking at my door..
I apprehensively behold the visitor that I must embrace with open arms
Quarter of a century now, and I still feel less than two score ans
But I smile in the knowledge that where it counts…I’ll live on
Pondering and expecting the mysteries to come..

I’m still on the road where one must learn to Love God, Live Life and Love Life..
And flipping the pages one year back, I laugh at the one at my door
Because I am learning and loving this journey to who knows what.
Peeping through the keyhole is such an arduous task so..
I’ll continue to love today’s girl knowing that TG is safe and warm in His Embrace..

I remain eternally grateful to all the ones who continue to love me regardless..
Undeservedly, I pray that when 26 comes knocking this time next year..
I still continue to count you amongst the ones I love regardless of what may or may not..
Nothing more to say..
Here’s to God, Here’s to Life, Here’s to Us

What's in a Hedge?

Timing is everything, as young Menina has come to learn. And when it all comes down to it, the human being is a selfish creature, instinctively designed to protect itself. So the difficulty begins in attempting to achieve the balance in living life to the fullest but just never getting hurt. Let's face it - It just sucks to hurt, and yes, some argue that this is a necessary evil in one's development but I'm just not convinced..

I've come to realise that instinctively I hedge..Provide a hedge for my feelings, my friends, my work and even the guys I like. As is the case with some hedges, the up-side is limited because of the necessary steps taken out to protect the downsides, and then they're the cases where you just pay up-front to protect you from the worst case event while letting you enjoy continued participation when things are going your way..the question is how much is one willing to pay? And is it in fact really necessary at all?

Can't conclusively respond to any of these questions..human beings are diverse and have varying personalities..I will say however that personally, hedges just make sense for me..Enjoy the ride when things are good but put a structure in place somewhere in there just in case...Is this a self-fulfilling prophesy..I don't know? What on earth am I on about? Go figure..

The other thing with hedging is that one most ask...How much do I hedge? This will obviously be a function of your risk appetite and what expectations you have. When it comes to hedging against adverse behaviour from human beings, its difficult to know..People will always be people..and really as long as you know what to expect..surely? You can't be overly surprised.

I'm coming round to appreciating the simple things in life: A good conversion over an excellent meal, an interesting evening with someone I care about, a phone call just when I needed it, a text filled with laughter designed just for me, giggling with my beautiful mother over nothing and everything..Life can be good..what about a surprise check in from a blast from the past, or a rush of chemistry from someone you like..All in all, I'm a good memory collector..All I want to be able to do is to look back and smile...

Some thing's are permanent and some things endure...Maybe the greatest hedge is just to understand timing and know exactly when to let go..