The African Self?

I chucked in "self" into dictionary.com and came up wit the following:

Person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality:
A person's nature, character, etc.: his better self.
Personal interest.

Philosophically-
a.
the ego; that which knows, remembers, desires, suffers, etc., as contrasted with that known, remembered, etc.
b.
the uniting principle, as a soul, underlying all subjective experience.

So a person's "self" is basically an introspective view of his complete individuality? Considering that there is a thin semi-permeable membrane in existence between an individual and his environment-Can one really have a true appreciation of one's "self" if most things that they "should" identify with is falling apart-right around them? I don't profess to have the answers to these questions and must admit that this is a current trend which is beginning to mortify me. Clandestine questions with seemingly unapparent answers.

So what is my point? The word "Respect" has lost its meaning to most Africans. This is inexcusable considering that respect is a principle that gets talked at kids from the minute they can breathe! "Aunty, Uncle, Sister"- all expressions of respect for those who are older than us..Sometimes, we go beyond these verbal gestures and kneel or even prostrate in some cases. All interesting and sweet, but does this mean much?? Fortunately, I have come to my own conclusion: NO! When you show respect- you are declaring high esteem or a sense of worth or excellence of a person maybe because of a personal quality or ability that you admire. Respect for Africans has gone the route of religion and has become routine. The African has lost the meaning of respect for himself, and obviously for his brother.Why..I wonder.Most African cultures have proclaimed values that should mean that the African is a symbol of integrity, honour and accomplishment. We have stood the test of time and have been blessed with resources which some other continents can only dream of. Why has the African chosen to be the very thing that will undermine the progress of all that we really have: Our people. Why do we still lack a sense of real identity an dedication to the land that has been ours even before we were born?

So how can people claim to have respect for anything and anyone when greed and corruption has eaten through the fabric of everything sane and sacred? Life will always go on but things can be made better.In today's reality- money is the only thing we've given respect and though there are many arguably valid reasons for this-at the end of the day- we all fail, if after all the struggle..we've left our land worse than we met it. Until we can claim to have made an effort, lets stop the pretence and banish the word "respect" from our vocabulary. We do not preach respect..maybe fear, submission but definitely not respect. The soul of the continent is not dead yet but the grim disease that we see on the surface now is fast eroding the essence that those before us have strived for..What happens next? Another rhetoric yet written without practical solutions..

Maybe if we all "think" a little bit more.
Maybe if we all stopped pretending..just enough to see people for who they are
Who are we?
Who do we think we are?
Who will our kids think we are?

We all have to start with our "Self" because that's where the true trauma lies...

I'm much better at asking questions..lol

Et Al..

For a second, I invite you into my bubble where all things are nice, pretty and pink..
Everyone's happy and we never have to hurt, cry or lie pale..
Life as you've known it will surely change.. the day that you decide to see through my eyes.
Nothing's impossible..God's on the throne
What if you wake up? I hear you ask
I urge you to trust me..This is for life..

In this same bubble of mine..
Love is soo perfect..Its awesome...just the way he intended..
I never get bored..You give and I take..You take and I give..
Contented...we never wear thin..This "us" that will now be in this world and the next
Of course there'll be struggles..all part of the game...
But "us" is for life, so lets have fun fighting to win

The thing is..we'll now be living a dream..
And this bubble now ours will drift as we please
Past oceans and borders, both physical and not.
We'll work and we'll rest just as we please
Our bubble's our world and we needn't care less..

Lights Out..

So the lights have dimmed and there's not much to see..
Camaraderie between two lost like it never really was.
Pride and its allies seem to be winning the day again.
Maybe this time but never again..

Nobody can tell the future..
We can only look back and smile
Hoping that at every step, we did our very best..
Somehow, I pray this works the same for you.

What goes on in anyone's heads? Who knows?
People guesstimate and often get it wrong.
For what its worth, the words are plain
Reading between the lines will surely be an exercise in futility

We always think we know more than we show
Only to realise that the game's been on us
Because we've been too caught up to see
But all that's part of the sphere, undoubtedly is..

Livin' on a Prayer..

Once upon a time
Not so long ago
Tommy used to work on the docks
Unions been on strike
Hes down on his luck...
its tough, so tough
Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man,
she brings home her pay
For love - for love
She says weve got to hold on to what weve got
cause it doesnt make a difference
If we make it or not
Weve got each other and thats a lot
For love - well give it a shot

Chorus:Whooah, were half way there
Livin on a prayer
Take my hand and well make it - I swear
Livin on a prayer

Tommys got his six string in hock
Now hes holding in what he used
To make it talk - so tough, its tough
Gina dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers baby its okay, someday
Weve got to hold on to what weve got
cause it doesnt make a differenceIf we make it or not
Weve got each other and thats a lot
For love - well give it a shot

Weve got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when its all that youve got

(Bon Jovi)

For some reason, I've been listening to this song a lot...She brings home her pay-for love..? How many ladies get married with the notion that at some point or the other, they will have to bring home their pay?? For Love..

As I harbor that dream of a life with untold pleasures nesting beside Prince Charming who's truly madly deeply in love with me...I'll have to remember that sometimes, we'll have to hold on, say a little prayer and thank God that we have each other and Love...

I want to be Free..

This is the stuff that dreams are made of..

Pray be free..Free from
Insecurity
Poverty
Misconception
Misinterpretatition
Racism
Sexism
Myopia
Routine
Normality
Obesity
Hunger
Anxiety
Fear .
Fear .
Fear .

Go, my mind-explore..The world is your oyster..If you think it, you can have it..
Be Free...Don't fight it..Live Life, Fall down, get up..Live

Life is a gift..

In the I's

Love God, Live Life, Love Life
It's all in the eyes..
When I look deep into his subconscious
Through the windows that are his eyes
There, between the lines
I learn everything I need to know
People say the eyes don't lie
So I've watched him from the start
Trying desperately to uncover the secrets that he dare not tell
Unravelling slowly the mysteries that lie viscerally beneath the well manicured layers of his personality...
Often, we play games, his eyes and me
This man oblivious to the guise..
I ask if he loves me?
They blink that he does..
I ask if he'll always be true?
They reveal uncertainty
I smile and Mr. Man asks why
I brush him off swearing to guard the secret..
That its all in the eyes.

Such is Life(SIL)

Ok.forgive the slightly cheesy header but hunting down appropriate three letter acronyms are becoming more difficult these days. In the past fortnight, I watched quite a few un-happy ending movies and although I'm a sucker for the digestible predictable ending, I have to admit that some of these movies with real-life endings can provoke thoughts in you that one ponders long after the camera has rolled by. I have to admit that one easily gets lost in our own matrix and we forget to think about other realities that exist parallel to mine. It is real that children suffer in developing countries around the world while I junk a half eaten brownie for fear of the full effect of the calorific intake. I think in a way being Nigerian and going home annually somehow lulls you into a false of African-ism, so you think you know what's going on and therefore assume that you've have a grip on the full picture. Watching Blood Diamond, I really felt compelled to do something...How can people who look unmistakingly alike spend so much time causing grief to one another? How can children suffer and get drawn into hate such that their frail bodies are ill prepared for? Has God really left Africa?? What can I do?? I must admit that being African myself, the selfish one in me would be terrified to drop down on the front lines-what if I get I get caught up and perish for a simple case of mistaken identity? So, there must be something I can do..The naive one in me really feels like the world doesn't have to be so wrong. Why can't people just get along? Why do we fear those that are so different from us? Don't we all just want to live out the rest of our lives, knowing that we did the best that we can, leaving a legacy behind that our kids will be proud of?? Where have all the good men gone..Fear...Fear has crippled our world..I look around today and all I see is the product of fear..Sexism, racism, tribalism-all illnesses that have perpetrated as a result of the fear that has begun to eat human kind from inside out..I get very irritated and emotional when even amongst my friends, I hear the stereotypical and hate-filled voices that were our parents begin to have a grip on our hearts.Why do Yoruba people think Ibo people cannot be trusted? Why do Ibo people think that the Yoruba will sell them out when it comes down to it? Why do the Scottish hate the English? Why do Christians and Muslims hate each other even though they all claim to serve an all-loving God? So many questions. As we grow older, I know that one can easily get sucked into the fear that has eaten those that came before us and to survive, I will fight before I become a part of it. I thank God for my parents, because I haven't grown up hearing that the next man is beneath me just because they are different in one way or the other. If only we could see..if only...that we can only compensate for each other's weaknesses. Why do we have to carry on doing things exactly the way those before us have done it. I believe in heeding the counsel of the elderly but I also firmly believe that we have to take what we hear and rip out the notions that have become extinct..Rome was not built in a day...We need to stop spreading the fear filled hate. We need to show our parents that we can do better. Fear is the opposite of faith..When we fear something so much, it usually comes to pass..Change is good, healthy, people are different for a reason...How can I learn to embrace others and learn to reconcile the things that my instinct shies away from on account of how different they are to my norm. The past month or so has brought be very close to a few cultures quite different from mine..one in particular. For example, I had no idea how different a Hausa wedding was from a Yoruba/Ibo wedding...Thrilling and exciting.I can tell you that much..only bit I didn't like is the part where the bride is absent from the actual wedding! Also quite fascinating to understand why Europeans feel the need to go to the ski slopes when its winter. I realise that people are the same..no good ones or bad ones.It's the choices we make day-to-day that determine which side of the fence we stand on, at any given point in time. We all have needs, we all have blood running through our veins..and we all have fears..But isn't growing up supposed to be about tackling these fears and preventing them from taking over the person that we can be. So many people have died because of fear-bred hate and many more will still die..All for what?? And its not only the Africans that inflict this suicide on themselves? What about the governments of the world that send troops to fight a war fuelled from fear? Isn't that just the same? Many people have died in the name of "The war on Terror" and what has been achieved? In my opinion-nothing! It's time we all woke up and got off the inertia that is fuelling our fears..I'm a Christian and I've met Muslims that have changed my life..literally..God is a God of Love..When we spread fear, anger and hate in his name-how can we blame how he feels...There are probably many thorough and intellectual reasons why these conflicts exist-some valid, other not..But as far as my own 24 year old mind is concerned-It all comes down to fear and I don't need a PhD to expand on this. This fear eats into friendships, then filters into marriages which they emanate as children..and as we are all a product if what was put into us? Who can we blame? We need to begin to challenge our upbringing and all the sacred truths that we've always taken as given...How else will we achieve change? We need to confront and test the fears that have held us captive? Where are all the great men? Alexander the great might be misplaced in this time and age, but we still need role models who have conquered the canopies of Sexism, racism, and all the isms that people use an excuse to spread fear. The crimes and atrocities that have been committed in the name of fear are very real and are probably a valid catalyst for more hate. But people need to stop and say no..How can we desire peace when we all choose to do nothing..Surely, that's the definition of madness..I think it's time we begin to take ourselves a little less seriously and the people around us more seriously..embrace life and step out from our parents' shadows..Life is a gift that is surely wasted walking in anybody else's shadow..
A little change everyday will surely culminate to make a difference..Some of us will have kids in the recent years to come..Please spare them and let this degeneration stop in our generation..Maybe this is just another spiel..but who knows..Its a dream I pray I can make come through for my children...Amen..

Disclaimer: I have to admit that some of the issues discussed above I struggle with daily, so do not take this as a subscription to perfection. if I pen down my aspirations, and revisit now and again..I'm sure I'll change in time..prejudices and stereotyping have no place in the great...according to me anyway..

290107

NY07

Sometimes, the iterations in my head just mean that I make life more complex than it needs to be. This is my first blog this year but I feel like its been a long year already. Lagos was fantastic and I wish I could do it all again. The atmosphere is just brimming with so much energy, you can't help but get infected.For the most of it, Nigerians still haven't changed and I have to include myself in making this gross generalisation.All most single people talk about fall under the broad heading of Money and Marriage! Money-I guess I don't mind as much but I'm sick of talking about Marriage. I don't have a boyfriend and I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for one yet. Marriage is not something I want to even venture near for the next couple of years so I really would like to live my life without having to be constantly reminded that I'm getting older and the few good men are diminishing at an increasing rate. As far as I'm concerned, Marriage is difficult and most marriages fail because of the delusions that have intrinsically affected the people around me. Sure, I'm a hopeless romantic but I also think that marriage can be the dire source of a rude awakening. Pessimistic-I know..All I'm saying is that we can't live out the rest of our lives waiting out for the one who might just be a figment fed to us all those years ago when we were Disney addicts! I want to go skiing, sailing, hiking...I want to travel to Asia, Australia, and Africa extensively..So much to do, so much to see..And so little time..

Being Human, it would be great to have that someone special who can immortalise the memories and make me feel like Walt Disney was a fake. So this year as far as New Year resolutions are concerned, I've asked God to give me the strength to change one little thing in my life, day by day; eat healthier, stick with the gym, work harder at my job, make a difference in my family, be a little more patient and ask God for the Grace to walk the path...and yes at the back of my mind, honestly, The icing on the cake would be that guy who makes sense to me and who is prepared to honestly navigate this road; knowing that together we can make a difference to each other and our present reality. I want to be able to learn from him..and he has to be a tad bit open minded. I've decided that for this, I'm ready to forgo the whole marriage and "where are we going with this" conversation..As long as we're living and learning, it doesn't really matter. So as it goes, I still remain Bullish on God, Life and Love.I just don't want to feel like anyone's dragging me down to aisleland with a noose..

There are some amazing guys out there and I've met some of them..

I remain eternally grateful..

Anyway, enough of the rambles..

Last Friday..

Ok, I can’t complain-I have had a very good week. Can’t put my finger on the exact highlights but I know I’m not feeling as worn out as I usually do. I got conned into climbing up 40 floors today..in the name of exercise..and yes, I had to walk back down.Awful..thought about giving up, but these were colleagues so I had to save face. My thighs are going to hurt tomorrow but yet- I want to be fit.lol. Anyway, my boss is still ecstatic about her new boyfriend so all is calm..for now..I find myself praying daily that he does not mess up-Selfish, but necessary..This weekend will be busy so I’m not looking forward to it all-I can’t sleep in and I have to be out and about in the cold..I also have a test to round up my baptism classes so really, maybe I’m looking forward to Monday. On the other hand, it’s the first of December and before this month runs out-I’ll be sun-bathing on the beaches of Lagos Island..lol. So much to do before then though-Its just not easy being a girl.You just have to look good-no excuses. At least, that’s the way I see it. Haven’t really spoken to that many people this week but yesterday I want to Rodizio Rico with my cousin and these two girls I have not seen for two and a half years. If you love meat, you have to try this one out. It’s Brazilian and from one true carnivore to the next, I can safely say that I will not be eating meat for a WHILE. You pay about nineteen pounds and you can feast on all sorts of freshly off0the-grill meat, hot food and salad until you’re worn out. Hmm..nice though..although not good for my I-really-want-to-lose-weight mindset.So three weeks from today, I’ll be packing to jet off on the Sat. after-amazing. I’m so looking forward to this holiday and I can’t help but wonder what 07 has in store for me. I’m bullish as usual because I know God reigns..So no quibbling. I just realised that one of my friends is turning to Islam on account of her boyfriend. I took everything in me not to ask her “what on earth she was doing??” But I said nothing-no point arguing. All I can really do is pray-I just think that citing a “guy” as your reason for jumping ship just doesn’t make sense. But I don’t profess to know it all-and preaching to a girl in love is like…well, you know..If this doesn’t work out-what happens? Just too risky if you ask me..Almost like you’re giving up your ticket to Heaven for a mess of porridge..The things that a girl will do for love? Strange? And we never change..On the same table last night, we got into a “You can’t show a guy how much you like him”conversation.And I just didn’t agree..Why should I pretend when I know how I really feel.? Having said that I’ve had the “ I didn’t commit because you liked me too much” line before and it’s painful. I just believe that its important to treat everyone on a case-by-case basis and everyone deserves at least ONE chance. so fronting and putting my emotions on a leash isn’t a practise that is necessarily down my road. Obviously, I believe that wasting your time with a guy who you’d rather have a relationship with is a no-no but sometimes things aren’t so black and white..Besides, being single is fun and I don’t think I’ll give that up until I feel a conviction-what’s the point otherwise??Anyway, I think I’ve rambled on enough so I’m going to occupy myself in some other more office-friendly way. Lol-Just thought I’d mention. Went unto lastminute.com and on the right, top corner-they have a button labelled “When your boss is watching”-Hilarious-Clicking on it opens up charts and data in a spreadsheet. Perception is everything..Hey?

Thanksgiving..

So, its Thanksgiving today and although I’m no where near being American, I know I have a lot to be thankful about.

• I’m Thankful to God for being there for me from the beginning of time-Father, you know I’ll Love you always. You pick me up and wash me when nobody else will, reinventing me when they’ve all turned their backs. I thank you Lord for sticking with me even though I’ve messed up every step of the way. I’m grateful for because you make ALL my hearts desires come to pass. You keep me strong always and out of harms way. Father, I will always be in love with you. You knew me even before I was formed and Lord, you’re the one in whom I move and have my being. I just hope someday Father, I’ll make you proud although I know I can never be grateful enough.
• I’m Thankful to my mother because she has been the best role model any child could ever ask for. Most character defining traits I know I got from watching my mother working hard while putting her children first. I have always been given the best even if it came at the expense of your comfort and most things you hold dear. You’ve loved me, correcting me in love every time you saw fit. You taught how to read my Bible and surely that’s the greatest of all gifts. You showed me that everything is possible If I hand my life over to God. You showed me that being the head comes with responsibility and sacrifice to gain the respect. You’ve given me space to make my mistakes and surely now I have a mind of my own. Your life has not been easy but you’re always smiling and making us laugh. Even the smallest things you do sometimes I realise I’ll never forget. A woman of principle and surely one of the world’s finest. I know that God surely make sure you reap every seed you’ve sowed to make sure I’m who I am today. You’ve stayed beautiful through it all, surely I have no excuse…Words cannot express.
• I’m Thankful to my dad because he’s always there. Being a man doesn’t come easy but I’ve never doubted for one day that you love more than words can say. As a kid, you told me stories and taught me games that I’ll play until the day I’m gone. You’re not perfect dad, but you’re the best in the world. I haven’t always listened to you but as soon as I hit a roadblock you come running to pick me up. We have our fights but through it all you’ve shown love and patience. God chose you to give me life and when I look in the mirror –I have to say “Dad, you did a mighty fine job”. I can tell you anything and still you don’t judge. You don’t rule in fear and I appreciate that you let me make my decisions. You think I’ve forgotten how you went the extra mile all those years but no-I never forget. I have such a long way to go dad but I know you’ll be rooting for me.
• Sisters- Love you more you think you know. I truly don’t understand how you give me more than you have always. You’re always there doing things that break your back. When I’m moody, you’re the ones I take it out on, but you never judge me for it. Sometimes, I forget to be grateful but your hearts still stay open. Of course, we have our fights but we’re never angry for long. You guys are smart and beautiful women and I don’t I can’t even compare. I’m glad to have come before because you guys inspire me daily…breaking down boundaries, showing consistence, dedication and dilligence..all the way, all the time. We’re always sisters, always friends. Lets stay real close to the end.
• Brothers- The pride of my life. I can’t believe how gorgeous you guys are. You will make us proud. You will be men of valour and no one will be able to hold you down. When you’re around, I always feel the difference. Forever able to help and asking for nothing in return. You’re young but you are truly two of the most important men in my life. When I think of you-my heart beat accelerates because I know I’ll give anything to see you happy. Good men are hard to find-thank you for loving me.
• BA- You’re my cousin but you’re really my sis. Thank you for teaching me so much even though you’ve always thought it was the other way round. When I left CJ and had nowhere to turn, you showed me that life can still be fun and really those years-I had the time of my life! You never judge me although you’re never afraid to let me know what you think. I thank God for you and I love you, but you knew this already. We have the most amazing conversations and we’ve been through so much together. Do you remember chilling in Holborn, broke and hungry? Lol-what can I say? We did what he had to do. We still have many milestones ahead of us but just want you to know-I’ll always be there.
• TM & BS- Being my friend is surely a task and a half but you guys are there for me when I think the whole world’s gone crazy! Different as both of you are, you complete me and really-I’d change nothing at all. T-we catch the maddest trips and you just never complain. As far as girls go, you’re one of the most sensible ones I know. I push you but you just never break. Not even one argument-I’m grateful, I just want you to know. You listen as I navigate through the randomness that can be my life and at the end-what a laugh-no judging at all. We started this JH together and really its been great. Don’t forget our plans to have babies at the same time. The guys don’t need to know.B-Your pearls of wisdom have kept me through the storms and you’re just so sensible-you’re younger but I’ve learnt so much. Even the things you don’t say have showed me so much and I know that when I need an opinion-yours is as solid as gold. You girls really complete me and really I thank God for bringing us together-Ride or die!
• CJ-You were my first and really you set the pace. You treated me like a queen and showed me what life can be life when a guy makes you his all. I know we ended badly but still I never forget-four years of loving, living and learning-lessons I’ll take with me to the grave. You taught me about “us” and giving selfelssly..You showed me that guys can change and Love really is power. I know I was young and could have done things better-but really I apologise for all the pain that I know still resides. I know you’ll love me forever just because I do. 143.CJ.143.
• JA- You’ve been there for me J-showed me that really a girl can be spoilt and treated like a flower. I see how I light up your eyes even to this day and I marvel because I know you love me. Amazing, after all these years. We’ve grown and we’ve shared and we’ve laughed-You’re my rock even though I never tell you this. I know you hold me above every other girl even to this day and I know I don’t deserve it but I’ll always be there. All those valentines made special by you even when we weren’t together-No one else on this earth has spoilt me as much as you. The flowers..the music..cooking for me..presents I’ll keep forever…J-you’re more than a gem..I know you don’t like this but really you’re almost like my bro-Thanks, words fail at this point.
• LA-It’s been two years since our paths crossed and I hope we have more. You’ve been more than a friend although sometimes I wish you were more. We’re two peas in a pod and this road has been rocky, but somehow we always seem to come through the storm.Even when we’ve wandered our different ways-It’s been comforting knowing you always be there.I’m struggling for words because sometimes its hard to describe the bond that we shared. I thank you for always being truthful to me and always listening to me through my rants and all that. Even when all the odds are against, you’ve trusted me and I find that hard to digest. It gives me comfort to know that somehow, we’ll always stay friend..even if we decide that its with other people our destinies lie. I thank God for bringing me across you because you were the first guy who taught me that a girl and a guy can exist without the need for the coital so and so’s. We play fight and have a laugh and really it’s great..even your pancakes are amazing and the pasta you make.Now-I try to live by principles that you’ve taught me so far, and its so much easier because really,I know it can be done. LA-I thank you being there for me even if it was against your better judgement.
• BK-I’m thankful to you because you’re more than a rock. You’ve been there for me somehow-regardless. I really don’t get it and to be honest-It scares me a bit. But I accept you for you and we just flow like that. All those times, when no one would listen to me moan about work-you would. You’re so patient and I don’t think I could have gone through that year without you. Even when I was stroppy and unkind. BK-you would stick. Especially when I’ve given you nothing in return. I’ll really make it up to you, truly I will. I know I mean the world to you so I’ll make it count. Thank you so much and I know there’ll be so much more.
• RBOARF-Hmm. My twin, SM-What can I say? I have never met anyone who understood me so seamlessly. We’re two sides of the same coin and I’m amazed by how much we click. I know we have our arguments but that makes it so much fun-even if you live 3000 miles away. Thank you for coming to see me. Those were truly two of the best weeks this year. I thank you for all the support and care you’ve shown me since we met. I was truly bowled over and you’re really a dream and I appreciate that you keep on coming back even after the rude phone calls. Everybody loves you because you’re so well behaved. I think you’re mum has done a fab job indeed. When we’re in our eighties and still having a blast.RBOARF-we’ll know that we kept our promise to stick till the end.
• NO, TA & FO-Guys, guys, guys-You three are amazing. You’ve made all the difference-Thank you so much for listening and just being there.
• PO-Thanks a lot. You’re truly the nicest guy I know and I’m sure without a doubt that you’ll always be there. I’m so lucky it’s me that you love and sometimes I wish I could…… You’re more than a gem. You know the Bible so well and my grandma loves you to bits. We have such a laugh and when we fight-its deep..Thank you for always coming back and for treating me like a princess-It’s more than I can ask for.
• To the man of my dreams: Lol-I thank you because I know you’re coming for me. Every day, I pray that our paths cross at just the right time. I might have even met you, but anyone’s guess is just as good as mine. I ask God to keep you safe and secure from danger, especially from all those girls who will most certainly break your heart! I’m waiting for you because you have to find me and in the mean time I’ll dream of sugar and all things so nice.
  
  

The B-word

Ok.Started this piece talking about work but got bored so scrap that!! My day? How has it been? Well, slept at 1.30 am this morning sending text messages half way across Europe..Ask me why I had to? No reply! I’m 24, have a half decent job and some amazing friends. I go to a wonderful church, still live at home with my family and my mum’s teaching me how to drive. So why on earth am I so bored??? Went to see 007 yesterday with a friend who I hope intends to stay a friend..lol..I only say this because this is the second time he’s asked me out this week. The first time he took me, or should I say, I escorted him to a Leonardo Da Vinci exhibition which was very nice and I have to admit, I thoroughly enjoyed myself . I went to a University in South Kensington and I don’t believe I didn’t take advantage of the free access that studying close to all these amazing museums offered. Also, the natural history museum have put out an ice rink and people were skating to the sounds of some beautiful Christmas tunes. This is the London I have come to love. London is amazing, exciting and there’s tonnes to do. Every postcode is pregnant with discoveries waiting to be explored. London is a truly metroploitan city with different cultures coexisting in sometimes questionable disharmony.lol. One doesn’t have to travel to India to get a flavour of the Asian way of life-venture to Southall, the Greeks-Wood Green, Nigeria-Peckham, French-South Kensington, Spanish-Notting Hill. There is so much to do!! So am I and a lot of my friends guilty of using the B-word?? How can we say there’s nothing to do? We’re older and life has moved past the bi-weekly hot parties that would be the toast of the Nigerian circle. We have to move on to. Most parties I’ve had the pleasure of attending this year have been boring and flat..In fact, I didn’t bother having a party on my birthday because frankly, its all BORING now! So what is the problem?? WE are the problem. I have refused to wake up and explore the beauty that God has put around me-parks, museums, theatres-all amazing. Why do we all clamber to the same places when there’s a city out here waiting to be explored.??In the next year or so, I aim to discover London and what it means to me-next year will mark a decade I have lived here and I plan to make it COUNT.I wish I could propose a panacea for the current boredom that is infecting my peer group but we’d have to be guillotined for that to happen!The movement to fight this disease has started though. We need a phalanx of some magnitude to stand up and refuse to let the beauty of this town be lost on us. But that’s just it, you need to be part of a rather unique coterie of Nigerians to sell this idea effectively. Going to the theatre and exploring history on your own will be dirt boring..So you either find a way to inspire your friends or get a man who understands and is willing to learn with you. If he knows a wee bit himself, then good.Let me deviate for a second or maybe a long minute..I did warn of a rant..lol- Please where can I find a man who loves music, loves art, respects God and thinks with his heart(lol-thanks Indie Arie) and can afford to show me things I haven’t seen before? I can’t remember the last time anybody swept me off my feet..?? Maybe, I’m asking for too much? Are my standards too high? I accept that many guys have the right ideas but need the financial backing to make these dreams come to life. Well, get on with it!! It’s a man’s world but I still maintain my right to be wooed beyond my imagination. I’ve set my sights high and I understand that I have to break out of my current mould to find the kind of guys I’m looking for. And please don’t confuse this with marriage or anything else..I just want to know that when it comes to guys, I’ve met the full spectrum. And how can you settle down when you haven’t been swept off your feet? And truly, although most guys think it’s expensive to make an effort, I personally think that this is a weak attempt to cover up for their lack of creativity. Personally, I’m not on this marriage train at all..I haven’t seen the works yet and I’m not handing over my “single” hat that easily!! Admittedly, there have been times where I wished I had a knight in shining armour but really that could pose more trouble than its worth. Yup-is this a risky way to think about things? Probably! But life is worth living and you’re only legitimately SINGLE once and I intend to maximise my ticket. I probably don’t even know how to be a “girlfriend” but I’m sure it can’t be Physics..lol.Might be Chemistry though..I want the guy I’m with to have made and EFFORT and these days? Why should they? There are just TOO MANY girls!! I’ll wait though-just have to learn to be patient and take this race one at a time..Being single is actually pseudo-addictive..Its difficult to get over the “You just never know”..I see a nice dark guy and I’m like..I wonder..lol..Maybe, I’m just loopy…Anyway, I have deviated yet again..

All I’m saying is that London is one of the best cities in the world and I love it to bits..I may say I don’t and I do think its too cold but what can I say..there’s always that thin line.lol..To enjoy the city though, you have to have the right company and really the right man can turn this city into any dream you’ve ever had..I probably spend my time day-dreaming more than the average person-so really I want me some of that.

Another weekend..lets see what the cat brings in..

The Corporate Wives' Club

Read the most fascinating article in the FT Today, and I couldn’t help laughing for a long minute. It’s a man’s world, whichever way you look at it. Apparently, men..oops, make that successful men, want smart women who have abandoned the route to a successful career and willingly embraced the route of getting the private jet and diamonds via the very successful hubbie. Reading this article confirms two things to me; (a) There’s no way out of the rat race;(b) Either way, being a woman aint easy..and that’s the reality of the whole situation.You have two choices-Buy the private jet yourself or marry someone who will.Buying the private jet yourself will obviously involve total devotion to work and outsourcing of most of the household and childcare type chores that come with the feminine territory.However, you get the respect you think you deserve from work colleagues and hubbie alike. If you’ve done very well, you get global acclaim for your work and maybe get courted by the people around you, who are obviously vying for your attention.On the other hand, the succesful hubbie would have made sure you signed that awful pre-nup,just in case you change your mind and want to do a 360. However, you still get all of life’s best.. and you still get help with the housework and kids. Money will not be something that you worry about and your kids will have the best that life has to offer. Obviously, there’s no such thing as a free lunch-accepting this offer will mean a lifetime of prioritising your husband’s needs(and most would argue that women do that anyway),a life where bad-hair days will be prohibited and where you’re expected to make up for every shortcoming he has.He wants you to be smart and witty, sexy and homely, well- read and entertaining..almost reminds me of what Geisha’s were expected to be in those days.To be fair, reading the article, I mentally tick off the points I think I can live with-most good things come at a price right?? As long as he knows that keeping me at home will COST him.I’m prepared to sacrifice..The point in this article where it all breaks down for me is where the writer points out that emotional neediness is a big no-no. At this point I’m like hold on..What this guy is looking for is a functional hand bag!! And that’s where I draw the line. If I can’t express myself to my other half even when we’re alone, I would rather slave 100 hours a week at the office. At least, someone somewhere will appreciate my persistent dedication to the cause. I argue that there has to be a balance.Or maybe I’m just not being realistic. Maybe the problem lies in being overly ambituous in the first place. Many people will settle for a house and a dog? Where does one draw the line? Not many women will want to sacrifice spending time with their kids for the career in a suit, but how many people have the choice? How far will a woman have to go to capture the heart of a man whom she knows every other woman wants. What will she have to give up? One might say that at least, she gets to spend time with the kids..But how do you go from being the woman most guys will die for to being the ornament and baby-sitter of a so-called “master of the universe”..? For sanity sake, I have to believe there’s a balance. Like so many girls out there, I have my notion of the perfect man and the ideal family and this dream is kept in a bubble, well away from the tragedy and pessimism that we see in marriage today. This is just a dream and rationale tells me that the odds are against me..but I choose to ignore and like most girls.I proclaim “It’ll be different in my case”.lol.If the truth be told, most women are forced to make a choice and the majority err towards protecting their children’s future. Fulfillment is a big part of what I want for myself..and somehow I don’t believe that playing the eternal handbag is what God has ordained for me in this sphere.Or maybe, I’m just putting what I want first? Either way, it’s important to recognise that at some point, it might become important to guillotine the dreams that we hold dear and wake up the dire reality of making a choice..What will it be?? When the time comes and you reach the proverbial cross roads, will you choose yourself or your kids? Do we even have to make that choice?? Help!!

Christmas in Lagos-To be or not to be

I can’t make up my mind
To go to Lagos or not this Christmas?
Why won't I go anywhere else at Christmas time?
I'd really like to be adventurous one of these years..

But the magnetic pull from Lagos just won't let me be
To go to Lagos or not?
What a dilemma

TOMORROW.

I will be one of the first to admit that I’m not as rational and straight-thinking as the average human being should be. My mind is constantly racing and it’s a struggle for most people to keep up. The ones that do keep up only do so because they aren’t so normal themselves. My old boss used to insist that I was too hard on myself, advice which to all intents and purposes always fell on deaf ears. Who am I? Well, depends on when you ask me. I’m constantly evolving which means that something that was perfectly normal yesterday couldtoday-become a taboo. The ones that know me just let me ride-I usually come full circle once all the steam has been let out of my sail.lol.

It’s a Friday afternoon-I’m sitting here-waiting until 3.20 so I can get in a cab and head for the airport. I’m headed for Geneva and I just can’t wait to get on that plane! The last month or so has been especially difficult as far as I’m concerned and I’m glad that there’s finally some light at my end of the tunnel. Funny how quickly, the future becomes your past. In less than a 100 hours, Geneva will struggle for a place in my memory banks. As hard as it may seem, I will have to learn to also live for today because that’s really what reinforces my history and will propel my future.

One of the most amazing things about writing is the freedom that you feel when you flirt with words and place hide and seek with the phrases that match the way you feel at the precise time and place. Often, you read back and you can’t believe how well you captured that moment especially since you’ve moved well on since then.

As another year draws to an end, I really wonder what the years to come will hold. I keep asking God to wrap me with the Spirit of Wisdom because simple things only get more complex as we get older. I’m amazed how I manage to significantly complicate things that should have been left mindless and as simple as they were intended to be. All the shouldas, couldas, wouldas of the next year. How I will I make them count??

I probably will speak (constantly) to fewer people than I do this year because that’s just how the curve progresses. And I think, in many ways, that’s a positive. I probably will do much more travelling than I did this year and try make my money work more for me. Next year’s birthday will be a milestone and I intend to make it count..TO Me.lol.Will I have a boyfriend next year? Will I still love my job next year? Will I remain in Europe next year? The jury is out and we’ll have to be patient with the verdict because I don’t know. But with every day that passes, I get closer to uncovering these answers, so every day does count..I know what I’d like the answers to some of these questions to be but who knows what will happen tomorrow to change that.

I’m grateful for to all those that have stuck with me this far and I pray that tomorrow only brings us closer than yesterday. After all said and done, God is an artist and our lives are His masterpieces-we may not get it while he’s painting, but in hindsight, everything makes perfect sense.

I have a dream..

I’ll always be proud to be Nigerian because God ordained it so.I have to admit though that the Nigerian story is one that is saturated with ironical nuances and tragic admissions. How can a country that was given so much continue to realise so little? How can we be a net importer of energy products?coffee? and all the other things I have no idea about. Why is poverty rampant and why do the people suffer so? How long does this have to last and when will we see the light at the end of the tunnel. All we need are a few good men to stand in the gap. This mission will probably cost them their lives but maybe just maybe, people will get the message. Admittedly, I wasn’t the world’s most focused history student but I do know that human nature is human nature. From the little I know of British history, I acknowledge that there was a time when Great Britain stood where we stand now. There will always be corrupt, greedy and one-tracked minded individuals lining the fabric of a society’s make-up so we can’t continue to use that as an excuse! How do we move on from here? Who will be prepared to make the sacrifice? I’m under no illusions. Blood will be shed for this cause! When will Nigerians pause long enough to operate as one body relegating the cultural differences that divide us to focus on a common goal? When will we have educated leaders who map out a well structured plan to move my country forward? Will this happen in my lifetime? Will my kids be proud to be associated with the Giant of Africa? People talk. Talk is cheap when it has no substance. How did the Great Britain of yesterday evolve into what we have today? Are there lessons to be learnt? Who will be the catalyst of change? What can I do? When will people stop being short sighted and focus on the long term? When will we stop trusting outsiders more than we trust our fellow men? Nigerians are everywhere, in every work of life and city that stands on this earth. A Nigerian has even been to space! Who will be prepared to give their life for this cause? When will we embrace the Nigerian identity and realise that as a tem we will all be empowered. Next year will be important for Nigeria and the whole world will be watching to see if we can get our act together. All I have are questions and the same applies for most other people. Its time we actively pursued the answers that will take us one step further. It’s time to silence our critics for good. This will not be easy…Minds have to evolve- we have to move on and focus on the big picture. So what if you marry someone from a different culture? Why do we let our parents dictate our lives even though we claim adult status? Why are we afraid to go against the grain and think things through ourselves. Its time to decide what we will be remembered for. I don’t think those that came before me have given me much to be proud for. 1960 was 46 years ago and we’re still stuck in the same cycle. It’s time to stand accountable and snatch the reins of power from the outdated and backward minds that threaten to run us to the ground! Why can’t we channel out differences into fuel that will drive change in our time? Will I see Nigeria change in my lifetime? When will the winds of change embalm our land? I pray for a generational renewal. I pray for the spirit of optimism. I pray that when the time comes, I have the strength to play my part regardless of what small a magnitude it may represent.

Botha's Speech 1985

Pieter Willem Botha (January 12, 1916 – October 31, 2006), he was commonly known as "PW" and Die Groot Krokodil (Afrikaans for "The Big Crocodile"), was prime minister of South Africa from 1978 to 1984 and state president from 1984 to 1989. Botha was a long-time supporter of South Africa's National Party and a staunch advocate of racial segregation and the apartheid system; however, he engineered a loosening of some of the government's most stringent racial policies toward the end of his career.



Botha speech 1985:

THE FOLLOWING is a speech made by former South African President P.W.
Botha to his Cabinet.
"Pretoria has been made by the White mind for the White man. We are not obliged even the least to try to prove to anybody and to the Blacks that we are superior people. We have demonstrated that to the Blacks in a thousand and one ways. The Republic of South Africa that we know of today has not been created by wishful thinking. We have created it at the expense of intelligence, sweat and blood. Were they Afrikaners who tried to eliminate the Australian Aborigines? Are they Afrikaners who discriminate against Blacks and call them Nigge*rs in the States? Were they Afrikaners who started the slave trade? Where is the Black man appreciated? England discriminates against its Black and their "Sus" law is out to discipline the Blacks. Canada, France, Russia, and Japan all play their discrimination too. Why in the hell then is so much noise made about us? Why are they biased against us? I am simply trying to prove to you all that there is nothing unusual we are doing that the so called civilized worlds are not doing. We are simply an honest people who have come out aloud with a clear philosophy of how we want to live our own White life.

We do not pretend like other Whites that we like Blacks. The fact that, Blacks look like human beings and act like human beings do not necessarily make them sensible human beings. Hedgehogs are not porcupines and lizards are not crocodiles simply because they look alike. If God wanted us to be equal to the Blacks, he would have
created> us all of a uniform colour and intellect. But he created us
differently: Whites, Blacks, Yellow, Rulers and the ruled.
Intellectually, we are superior to the Blacks; that has been proven beyond any reasonable doubt over the years. I believe that the Afrikaner is an honest, God fearing person, who has demonstrated practically the right way of being. Nevertheless, it is comforting to know that behind the scenes, Europe, America, Canada, Australia-and all others are behind us in spite of what they say. For diplomatic relations, we all know what language should be used and where. To prove my point, Comrades, does anyone of you know a White country without an investment or interest in South Africa? Who buys our gold? Who buys our diamonds? Who trades with us? Who is helping us develop other nuclear weapon? The very truth is that we are their people and they are our people. It's a big secret. The strength of our economy is backed by America, Britain, Germany. It is our strong conviction, therefore, that the Black is the raw material for the White man. So Brothers and Sisters, let us join hands together to fight against this Black devil. I appeal to all Afrikaners to come out with any creative means of fighting this war. Surely God cannot forsake his own people whom we are. By now every one of us has seen it practically that the Blacks cannot rule themselves. Give them guns and they will kill each other. They are good in nothing else but making noise, dancing, marrying many wives and indulging in sex. Let us all accept that the Black man is the symbol of poverty, mental inferiority, laziness and emotional incompetence. Isn't it plausible? therefore that the White man is created to rule the Black man? Come to think of what would happen one day if you woke up and on the throne sat a Kaff*ir! Can you imagine what would happen to our women? Does anyone of you believe that the Blacks can rule this country?

Hence, we have good reasons to let them all-the Mandelas-rot in prison, and I think we should be commended for having kept them alive in spite of what we have at hand with which to finish them off. I wish to announce a number of new strategies that should be put to use to destroy this Black bug. We should now make use of the chemical weapon. Priority number one, we should not by all means allow any more increases of the Black population lest we be choked very soon. I have exciting news that our scientists have come with an efficient stuff. I am sending out more researchers to the field to identify as many venues as possible where the chemical weapons could be employed to combat any further population increases. The hospital is a very strategic opening, for example and should be fully utilized. The food supply channel should be used. We have eveloped excellent slow killing poisons and fertility destroyers.
Our only fear is in case such stuff came in! ! to their hands as they are bound to start using it against us if you care to think of the many Blacks working for us in our homes.

However, we are doing the best we can to make sure that the stuff remains strictly in our hands. Secondly, most Blacks are vulnerable to money inducements. I have set aside a special fund to exploit this venue. The old trick of divide and rule is still very valid today. Our experts should work day and night to set the Black man against his fellowman. His inferior sense of morals can be exploited beautifully.
And here is a creature that lacks foresight. There is a need for us to combat him in long term projections that he cannot suspect. The average Black does not plan his life beyond a year: that stance, for example,should be exploited. My special department is already working round the clock to come out with a long-term operation blueprint. I am also sending a special request to all Afrikaner mothers to double their birth rate. It may be necessary too to set up a population boom industry by putting up centres where we employ and support fully White young men and women to produce children for the nation.
We are also investigating the merit of uterus rentals as a possible means of speeding up the growth of our population through surrogate mothers.

For the time being, we should also engage a higher gear to make sure that Black men are separated from their women and fines imposed upon married wives who bear illegitimate children.

I have a committee working on finding better methods of inciting Blacks against each other and encouraging murders among themselves. Murder cases among Blacks should bear very little punishment in order to encourage them.

My scientists have come up with a drug that could be smuggled into their brews to effect slow poisoning results and fertility destruction.
Working through drinks and manufacturing of soft drinks geared to the Blacks, could promote the channels of reducing their population. Ours is not a war that we can use the atomic bomb to destroy the Blacks, so we must use our intelligence to effect this. The person-to-person encounter can be very effective.

As the records show that the Black man is dying to go to bed with the White woman, here is our unique opportunity. Our Sex Mercenary Squad should go out and camouflage with Apartheid Fighters while doing their operations quietly administering slow killing poison and fertility destroyers to those Blacks they thus befriend.
We are modifying the Sex Mercenary Squad by introducing White men who should go for the militant Black woman and any other vulnerable Black woman. We have received a new supply of prostitutes from Europe and America who are desperate and too keen to take up the appointments.

My latest appeal is that the maternity hospital operations should be intensified. We are not paying those people to help bring Black babies to this world but to eliminate them on the very delivery moment. If this department worked very efficiently, a great deal could be achieved.

My Government has set aside a special fund for erecting more covert hospitals and clinics to promote this programme. Money can do anything for you. So while we have it, we should make the best use of it. In the meantime my beloved White citizens, do not take to heart what the world says, and don't be ashamed of being called racists. I do not mind being called the architect and King of Apartheid. I shall not become a monkey simply because someone has called me a monkey. I will still remain your bright star...His Excellency B

Table Conversation

Somewhere between entrees and desert last night-It struck me as things often do before I come to terms with them-I can only do me(which is a slightly plagiarised term from LA.lol). There were three of us on the table, all female-and this girl was going on an on about different designer labels, guys with extremely large pockets and shops I didn’t even know existed in this town! Bored to death and restless- I tried unsuccessfully to change the subject, as selfish as that might sound! Somewhere along the line, for the sake of inclusiveness-she poses the question “Wouldn’t you buy a GBP 1500 dress. Instantaneously, I replied “Of course not”..Simutaneously, a list of things which I would happily do with 1500 pounds flashed before my eyes. We quickly moved on to GBP 600 shoes from a designer whose name I can’t remember…On and on and on..I just felt lost..So as I do, I decided to relegate my mind to observer mode.lol. It occurred to me that there as just so many paradigms to life and you just have to find the one you belong to. I could not consistently hang out with people who talked endlessly about shoes, clothes and who name dropped(not that we are all not guilty of this on some level, but please with moderation!) at every chance they get. Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with discussing those issues if those are the things you enjoy-after all, after watching “The devil wears prada”-I know there’s more to a glamour magazine than the pages! Tis just that personally, I just wouldn’t be able to keep up with that kind of conversation. I remarked somewhere along the line that Primark clothes aren’t half bad if you’re looking for cheap and cheerful sort of numbers. Understandably, she didn’t see why anyone would be caught dead in a store like that! Admittedly, I laughed to myself cos I really can’ tell the difference between cheap and cheerful or expensive and heavy.lol. Obviously, there has to be a balance-I would never expect anyone to buy all their stuff from Primark, but I’ve been in there and come out with a few things. I really thank God for the friends I have because we really don’t feel the need to fierily follow fashion trends. We all want the good things in life but we firmly believe that there’s a time and place for everything. I like to think that we still look nice and pleasant even though we don’t spend hours trawling through unspeakable designer outlets. In my paradigm, those things just don’t matter. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with stumbling upon a shop and falling in love with it-I know some people who will only wear Levi’s or who will only buy bags over a certain price range. I’ve gone into a shop many times and come out with an ultra-expensive “IA-have you gone mad” item but it just gets relegated like everything in my wardrobe until someone points out-Oh, my gosh, your bag is from ABC-and I decide, maybe this bag is worth putting in a cloth bag.lol.On some level, I think as we get older, our tastes evolve and really, I’m starting to see that with my self. But I still wouldn’t make clothes, bags, shoes et al my preferred table conversation. Funny thing is, when the bill finally arrived- all the airs and graces were vanquished as she barely had her portion of the bill. Walking away that evening-I just thought “Why carry a GBP 1500 bag and have no money to put in it???????

I can only do me. It’s easy to get drawn in to other people’s paradigms but after all said and done-I can only do me.lol

Sometimes, I really think I've lost it.
Can't get to grips with the fluctuations I see in my mind's eye
Being volatile can certainly lead to one's undoing
Painting absurd pictures that can easily be misconstrued
Why does this palette constantly paint pictures that haunt the ones that mean the most
I AM TIRED..
Almost bewildering
Confusing.even for me
How much more for another.
JE SUIS TRES FATIGUE
There has to be method to my madness
Timing........

In the beginning..

Talk about mega drama. The last week has been quite dramatic and I can truly say I've learnt quite a bit about myself and human beings in general. Somebody told me quite recently that I don't listen and I'm glad I listened long enough to hear him say that. I should learn to listen more often. One of my favourite coined up sayings goes as thus: "God's an Artist and our lives are his masterpieces". I quite often distrust people for the simple reason that human beings don't understand their personalities and thresholds as well as they think they do. But recent events have got me thinking? Does this really matter? Isn't that part of the HUGE learning curve?

Anyway, nobody knows when the next rate-determining step will only be round the corner. That's why I really can't believe human being can live their lives without God. I have so many issues and I'm so far from perfect but at least I have a benchmark and I have methods of measuring success-all thanks to the Bible. I even get clues when something strange is round the corner and really God's the only one who has no downsides!

I also got given an amazing gift this weekend-cover to cover chronological journey Bible guide. Only on day one and already I'm like WOW! The description of Eden is so poignant and just breathtaking. It's what all human beings spend their lives looking for. A land flowing with milk and honey, dominion over everything and man and woman existing in TOTAL harmony. The word "Adam" is derived from "adama"-the Hebrew feminine noun meaning "earth". So, adam was upgraded from earth-given perfection-and everything was handed to him on a silver spoon! And then, they had to go and mess everything up. But hang on second, before judgement is passed on so hastily-the human being of these times would have done even worse. How often do you come across somebody who is truly CONTENT? Someone who looks at where they are and is truly happy for today without having to source happiness from the prospects of tomorrow? I haven't met that many people. There's a thin line between ambition and discontent. What fuels our ambitions? The prospect of a better life? The oasis in the desert? We strive in our search for the optimum lifestyle, job, partner but keep on shifting the bars each time. Arguably, this is not necessarily a bad thing but one has to know where to draw the balance. How can one live life always forfeiting today for the sake of tomorrow-especially since nobody knows how long they have on this earth? Personally, I dare not criticize anybody on this subject because I don't think I've learnt how to draw the balance myself. Timing and Balance-I keep on coming back to these because that's what most things boil down to

On the issue of one's partner-I love how the Bible describes creation and how God asked man to "name" all the animals and all that he had created. Talk about empowerment! Adam even named "Eve". When you think about the importance the Bible places on names-one can only imagine the privilege given to man upon creation. The creation story is particularly important to me because that's the benchmark for perfection-God restores these privileges to us once we accept Jesus as our Lord! Today- misplaced priorities mean that roles and responsibilities have been confused and the lines have been blurred. I laugh when women declare their "independence" and then complain that men don't open doors! Marriage is increasingly becoming a washed out institution because people are going against the grain and trying to reorganise the order that was installed all those centuries ago. Its a man's job to be the HEAD of the family. He is the God-given leader and as such the final decisions rest with him. Like any CEO of a company, he naturally needs to know how to delegate and will obviously appreciate initiative from those he presides over. Thankfully, he has been built for this and needs to tap into the natural power available for the success of his organisation(family).Fortunately, the Bible doesn't give women an excuse to abscond as Proverbs 31 describes the perfect woman as one that works hard and supports her guy in every way. Being human, I've applied my own rationale to this.lol.When I meet a guy that talks about 50:50, I'm truly perplexed-Hard work is not and will never be a problem for me but I shudder to think about the day when the CEO of Microsoft decides to relegate half of his responsiblity.To me, a guy is RESPONSIBLE for the family. FULL STOP. No CEO does all the work himself-but should something go horribly wrong- he shoulders the responsibily. He is the face of the company and its his job to make sure that the shareholders are happy. Now when you have a company where everyone wants to be the CEO-surely one can see how the recipe for disaster starts to boil up. Being human and having inherited adam and eve's blood- many people have developed their own twists on the above-So you have men behaving recklessly and without respect because they are men-and woman thinking they can have the final say because they pay the bills. Thankfully,the Bible again points at Jesus as the perfect Leader who led by service. Privileges and responsibilities go hand in hand..

In my rather short time on this earth-I don't pretend to have the answers, all I can say is that I have a Manual. And I'll follow it blindly-because all the answers to "Who am I?" are in there. I'm an ambitious young girl-I want the best that life has to give and will strive endlessly to be the best. But I'm also female and thankfully can and will choose carefully who my lifelong CEO will be. God will have to govern that decision cos the effects are irreversible. However, I also pray that I respect his rights as a leader and I help make the decision making process that much easier. Probably won't be easy and I don't expect the ride to start off smoothly-but like any merger; companies ,human beings, personalities, composites, etc-One can anticipate problems and will have to work hard to extract synergies and achieve the pre-envisioned "value add" that made the whole process appear worthwhile in the first place. People can learn a lot from analysing how and what makes a company run. We are like individual companies, have our own tenets and procedures. Merging with someone else which often is more like an acquisition instead of a "true merger" can often be complex and should not be taken lightly. Investment bankers work all night trying to analyse if companies will be a true fit. Surely, marriage requires even more attention. Perhaps, we all have another reason to enrol on that MBA?

Underlying...

Life'll always be a struggle..you must remember
My inner eye will always criticize me..to my discomfort
In a struggle to attain perfection, will I miss out on the people and things that matter the most?
Who are the people that matter the most?
What are that things that matter the most?
As Life moves on..and we face the inevitable..
Is it realistic that anyone guy will take me for better or WORSE?
Therein lies the problem...
As seasonal and erratic as my patterns are.
I admit that I ponder and maybe worry.
What happens when we become routine and the little quirks of our characters begin to magnify and plague the space around us?
I'm scared..
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Emotional volatility is a weird concept.
Almost as certain as change.
People will get hurt..
And its human to protect oneself
Which often results in hurting the ones that you care about(the most).
I think about God, Love and the Bible.
That's the only solution.
That's the key.
I can't trust myself not to hurt you
I can't trust you not to hurt me.
But if we both cling on to God and continue to plead for Grace.
That's the only way we'll have a chance.
I say I've never been heart broken but maybe because I've never let myself go.
People are sure to let you down.
Sometimes, I watch myself let another down.
Lord, I ask you to fill me with you.
Half the issues that plague us are buried in our subconsious.
I'll never be perfect,so Lord give me the Grace to accept that we are all soiled
And make me better, one day at a time.
As I manouevre my way around this journey I call life.
Lord, please help me forgive and FORGET those who hurt me
And please help others forgive and forget when I hurt them,
Change can be good.
Change can be bad
Change can be exciting
Change can be excruciating
Riding the waves is part of the process.
Father, grant us the serenity..