Questions...not rhetoric

Is it wrong to think that life is o'er simple?
As right from wrong gets blurred, where do people place God in all this?
Do you know that I'm not half as cynical as I sound?
Will love fnd me even if I'm running a mile?

What happens after we cross that line?
Will you be there when the chips fail me?
What If our love was indeed meant to be?
How will I know if you really love me?

What will they say when we tell them our news?
Can our love survive the normality of life?
When people pry, how will we cry?
If our love dies, where will we hide?

Forbidden

I had a really weird dream last night…I woke up panting…
Tossing and turning indecisively…my mind deliberating..
Caught between this world and Peter pan's
Compare and contrast these rhythms, not blues..

Refusing to give in to the desire within..I give in whimsically
The door's left ajar and I peep in..breathlessly
What it is that lies within moves me to tears
The forbidden fruit plagues me o'er so tirelessly

Crying my heart out..ever so decidedly
Resolve was quick on the mark..no questions suprisingly
The fate that haunts me I did dare to find me
The sweet nectar of it all I now vow to enjoy

Awake in a flash..while the memories abound
Lying there motionless…confuses me paradoxically
Back in the real world and the shivers resume
Long term the forbidden fruit will leave me not unharmed..

XXV

As another year euphorically comes knocking at my door..
I apprehensively behold the visitor that I must embrace with open arms
Quarter of a century now, and I still feel less than two score ans
But I smile in the knowledge that where it counts…I’ll live on
Pondering and expecting the mysteries to come..

I’m still on the road where one must learn to Love God, Live Life and Love Life..
And flipping the pages one year back, I laugh at the one at my door
Because I am learning and loving this journey to who knows what.
Peeping through the keyhole is such an arduous task so..
I’ll continue to love today’s girl knowing that TG is safe and warm in His Embrace..

I remain eternally grateful to all the ones who continue to love me regardless..
Undeservedly, I pray that when 26 comes knocking this time next year..
I still continue to count you amongst the ones I love regardless of what may or may not..
Nothing more to say..
Here’s to God, Here’s to Life, Here’s to Us

What's in a Hedge?

Timing is everything, as young Menina has come to learn. And when it all comes down to it, the human being is a selfish creature, instinctively designed to protect itself. So the difficulty begins in attempting to achieve the balance in living life to the fullest but just never getting hurt. Let's face it - It just sucks to hurt, and yes, some argue that this is a necessary evil in one's development but I'm just not convinced..

I've come to realise that instinctively I hedge..Provide a hedge for my feelings, my friends, my work and even the guys I like. As is the case with some hedges, the up-side is limited because of the necessary steps taken out to protect the downsides, and then they're the cases where you just pay up-front to protect you from the worst case event while letting you enjoy continued participation when things are going your way..the question is how much is one willing to pay? And is it in fact really necessary at all?

Can't conclusively respond to any of these questions..human beings are diverse and have varying personalities..I will say however that personally, hedges just make sense for me..Enjoy the ride when things are good but put a structure in place somewhere in there just in case...Is this a self-fulfilling prophesy..I don't know? What on earth am I on about? Go figure..

The other thing with hedging is that one most ask...How much do I hedge? This will obviously be a function of your risk appetite and what expectations you have. When it comes to hedging against adverse behaviour from human beings, its difficult to know..People will always be people..and really as long as you know what to expect..surely? You can't be overly surprised.

I'm coming round to appreciating the simple things in life: A good conversion over an excellent meal, an interesting evening with someone I care about, a phone call just when I needed it, a text filled with laughter designed just for me, giggling with my beautiful mother over nothing and everything..Life can be good..what about a surprise check in from a blast from the past, or a rush of chemistry from someone you like..All in all, I'm a good memory collector..All I want to be able to do is to look back and smile...

Some thing's are permanent and some things endure...Maybe the greatest hedge is just to understand timing and know exactly when to let go..

Soweto..Soweto..

Joburg was quite an experience. It was euphoric to be momentarily part of a place that had been through so much yet managed to still show signs of promise. Thanks to RBOARF, I met quite a few young Africans that were thankfully not Nigerian. It was good to see the African diaspora, proud and ambituous. It was good to see people talking and thinking of a time when "Africa" as a whole will have so much and so many to boast about..

...And yet there were still the signs of bitterness and anger of a people recovering but not forgetting about a past filled with horror, death and pain. Restricting oneself to the city centres of Sandton and the like..you almost feel like the history is being drowned by the capitalist grasp of huge malls, dainty restaurants and fancy people. There have been progressive steps taken to address the imbalance in wealth distribution between the black and white South Africans so there are new cliques of young Africans awash with cash et al from the Corporate bees that have taken the South African city by storm. Nevertheless..the true wealth still lie with the white South Africans and that's obvious when you drive down roads in certain neighbourhoods or peer into many an expensive restaurant. There are still a lot of black South Africans immersed and held hostage by poverty in this city that's pregnant with the promise of things to come. How will these be given a chance?

Venturing into Soweto.I feel my blood rushing with the acknowledgement of the history in the air and the ground beneath me. It helped that we had Tebogo, who spent a lot of her childhood in this township. She's proud of where she's come from and she's eager to share and give us a little bit of what it is that makes Soweto special. We go to Freedom square to look at the tenets of the new South Africa and although we know that we still have a long way to go, we also acknowledge that a journey of a million miles starts with one foot step. We drove past some hostels where foreigners dare not venture near for fear of being clubbed to death but we also whiz past the hugest church I had ever seen which apparently doubles as a life style complex with shopping facilities, shelter and more.

We went to the Hector Pieterson museum, Hector being the first kid to be killed in the 1976 uprisings. One can't help but wonder how a human being can shoot down a child in cold blood and then go on to kill many others just because they stood for what they believed in. All because they asked was not to be taught in the slave masters language...Moving on painfully, because I'm not versed in South African history, I think about all the other wars in Africa that have been fought for unjustifiable causes..I think of how much Africa is still being manipulated by the powers that be.and I marvel at how we sit content in our silos..and do nothing..Blood, blood and more blood has been shed but still the war rages on..what to do?

Moving on to Vilakazi street, where Nelson Mandela once resided and Desmond Tutu still lives..we see the emergence of new business opportunities in the form of B&B's and tourist merchandise.We also get to see the grounds of Winnie Mandela's mansion heavily protected by guards...and I'm happy I came to Soweto..where women still gather in their nightgowns and hair nets early in the morning to discuss the past days events, where people still exude warmth and ambition even though they've been through so much..There's just something about the African spirit..We are just difficult to break..We keep on going..regardless..

Having lunch on Vilakazi street, I had to marvel at the number of sleek, new BMW's that drove past me. The nouveau rich who have left the township constantly flow in to show the people that they have "arrived"..I must have counted more than 200 BMW's and we only sat for a couple of hours. BMW have apparently opened up a plant in SA citing the demand for their cars as a good business reason. My SA friends tell me that there is no type of car that one can't find on the South African road..If it's been made, you will find it there..

After a beautiful meal served by the chirpiest waitress I have ever met (Elvis, one of the guys ordered a beer and she announced happily that he would have to be innovative in opening the bottle as the bottle opener has been mislaid earlier in the day! And she said this with a straight, happy face.), we headed back to the Joburg that most people know and acknowledge with the fancy restaurants, big malls and western taste..

All I can say is..RBOARF..Thank you for giving me Soweto.

Apr 26..

My phone went missing yesterday..Truthfully, I didn't even realise it was lost! I got a call on my BB from a friend who spoke to the good Samaritan that found and safe guarded my phone..Miracles happen..God looks after his own...The norm is reversed constantly..

I'm stubborn when it comes to insisting that one can spend one's life overcoming the odds and living out the dreams which most people dismiss because they seem to be far fetched or slightly unusual. To be fair, I've come to accept that quite a few people think I've naive and/or maybe a dreamer...and although I'll always argue..deep down..they can't be too far from the truth..

I'm finding that my thirst for pushing the boundaries is increasing as life gets along and it's exciting but still scary. Until very recently, I was sure I wanted a husband, a house and the kids just before I was thirty..But now I'm really not so sure..I think about having a soul mate and I'm happy and excited but then I think about routine, school fees and household bills and then it all breaks down..There's so much out there and I haven't even begun to scratch the surface..I have this intense curiosity about people, their culture..the things that drive them..the way they do things...

As much as I am very guilty of subscribing to stereotypes..the times that I've been decent enough to think..I've been pleasantly surprised! People are always people and I'm convinced somehow that everybody has a heart and is capable of good even if they've chosen to do evil..Why do people go down the wrong path? At what point does the innocent child become a thief/murderer or anger filled and full of hate. I've come to realised that the world is the way it for a reason. People will never get along..The Palestine and Israeli conflict will continue to be fuelled by people who look the same but have rallied around different agenda's. We will all pick where our loyalties lie and rally round a cause plus be prepared to die for it. Miscommunication will always breed divorce and the world will continue to be stuck in a vicious circle where people focus on "I" and forget the "we" that would make more sense..

Is the world wrong? Who can be blamed? People have stories which feasibly justify and moralise their actions..The justification for actions taken by two parties cannot be fully resolved if a person decided to be as neutral as one can be.In the end, we choose to side the story that we understand..Women take sides and sympathise with the he fellow who has been mistreated by a no good guy who has men sympathising with him because they understand the oath that means that love cannot be let in because that girl crushed him as he tried.

Right? Wrong? Sometimes, it just does not matter. There will be lots of fights which we can fight but I think the point where we win is where we can and should fight but don't..just because...Yes, as usual in my naive and aloof way, I have over-simplified the issue..But life in its basic form should be simple..I'm in love with the simplicity that it is life..Having friends but not too many that love me just the way I am..Falling in love unthinkably with a guy and living together for better or worse, through fights and mishaps, ecstasy and the world..Sticking close to good and taking each day as it comes..Dreams are what the world is made of..phew.

When I look at TG(Tomorrow's girl)..I really can't see her bored to death, discussing husband demeanours and waiting for the kids to come home. I can't see her working to live and struggling to survive with kids everywhere and a husband she abhors. Nobody can see this happening to them admittedly..but the reality is it does happen..The reality is that we all think we're going to live happy ever after with the house, hubby, kids and the dog..But somehow, somewhere, some things just seem to go wrong!

Still-I choose to consciously keep on believing in beating the odds..I want to live, love, travel..I want to ride the stakes and win..and maybe cry when I lose..I want to be 75.. and content in the knowledge that I've lived, loved, ridden the waves and won..I want to be one of those old women who you see walking around with their heads held high because they've fought life and won..This might mean redefining the rules, going against the grain, giving up the dream if a hubby, house and the kids..I don't know..Contentment is relative and a personal assessment of of what we wanted vs... what we got...Surely, somehow..If you strive to get what you can and just accept and be happy that it should be something you want..life might become much simpler..

I'd like him to love me for life and want kids who reach for the sky....I'd love us to spend the summers in our house on the coast and really I want my friends and their kids out there with us. I want to live in the sun in a house surrounded by flowers of all types..The crib will be tastefully furnished and my pets, well behaved and groomed..Yes- I have a dream..but should he decide to leave and the kids decide to flee..If the pets go astray and the house never emanates..then I'll drop the past in the past..and remake my wee dream..

Life is really what we make of it..God is a God of Love and all power lies in his hands..Nothing is impossible..Everything is possible...If I think it, I can have it.If I fall down, all I have to do id dust off and try again..

Being single does not have to equate the advent of alone-ness.. Allow your heart to love and be loved..What's the worst that can happen? Your heart gets broken, you cry for months but dust yourself off and try again....In the end, it doesn't really matter..Life will always trot along, regardless..Don't stick to what you know, test the boundaries, see for yourself..Dream..dream..dream..but let your dream be a verb and something might happen.

I might be naive, curious and restless..but I'm bullish on love and all that life has to give..There'll be fire and storms but there'll be sunshine and fun..Friends will come and go as will love after love..but I'll still be here curious, waiting to see what comes up next..The ones who will stay have been known to Him since the beginning of time..so what can I do but to go with the flow..It's good to know that he forgives because I'm constantly falling off..Thank God for Jesus and the price at the cross..

It's good to be on a high because sometimes I'm low but hey..It's all part of the process..If you meet me tomorrow and I'm arguing the impossible..just let me be..Its the risk I've been born to take..

My Samaritan found my phone and chose to go against the odds..and my life has been full of instances where things have worked out strictly against the grain..So if you see TG with all my dreams come true...just laugh and be merry...It's all in the name..

We ponder..

Sitting at my desk, right here and now..I wonder about time.Sometimes, the inquisitive me feels like I would spare a mess of porridge, Just to know, just to have a little peek at what the future holds. Would it make today easier knowing what the deal was with tomorrow?
I really don't know..but I'm sure there's a reason God protects us from the futureI need to learn to live in right here and now. The weekend is nearly over..my Friday's future has become Sunday evening's past. It's all so intruiging how my future's rapidly become my past. All the had I knowns useless, sometimes even a second after..
I'm curious to know what tomorrow's me will have in store for us? What will happen today to make chisel and shape her from the me that's here today? Time has away of telling tales on the ones who's its been travelling with.. ? I just hope those tales take it easy and are pleasant on meOne word uttered cannnot be taken backOnce the ball's been set in motion.. Sometimes, we just have to sit back and watchI'm burdened by the me of tomorrow for some strange reason..tonight.. I'm hoping I won't let her down and be careul..I must..or will what will be, be regardless? I need to live in here and now.. But the she of tomorrow knocks at my door.. Perpetually..
What to do?

Hmmm...

I'm starting of this week - happy, sad, content, confused, torn up...I'm heading the way of an emotional wreck..Times like these cajole you to take the easy way out and not think..The last ten days have been amazing for reasonsI can't even begin to describe. Some things just feel right even when you don't even try at all..I always default tothe logical when times like these arise- but not this time..

HK- Thank you for being you and much more than that..We've gone and complicated our lives even more but you know what -I don't care..If there's one lesson we've learnt in the past week or so, then it's that we only have ONE life to live..And we both know we're not going down like that..Thanks for making me feel one with a world which only months back- would have been alien to me..Thanks for the conversations inspired by the diamond that is your heart..I'm grateful that you let me in..regardless..
Ours has become an intrinsically complex case..threatening to challenge the source of our identities..but sometimes, theend justifies the means..

Thank You..lets see how this tale unfolds..

Prestige..

So you urge me to walk your way
Even though you know I cannot stay
It hurts me so to see you wait
Especially since I have to go
Leave!

Last night, I watched you sleep
Snoring soundly to my pulse
Burying myself in your embrace
I willed you strongly take your leave
Please!

You light my world with just one look
Your eyes the window to my soul
But can't you see it wouldn't do
To place my heart inside your keep
No!

The dress I bought will shake your world
This date will rage your loins no doubt
But as I turn and say goodbye
This time will be the final bid
Sigh!

March On..

So on a surprisingly fine day..at the end of last March
Spring time just kicked in.. the air rife with the thought..
At Butler Wharf they meet, these two dear strangers of mine
I know them both well, a bit at the least
And from a distance I watch as they dine and make feast

Says one to another- chirpy banter they make
As the real drama plays out ..unspoken and as silent as night
Thing is..I can read both their minds..so this is classic at best.
The Lion and the Virgin, oh dear..what will they say?
Still watching and smiling, my head in a twirl..

As different as peas, this way and the next
The mystery palette painting a picture of clues
The rebel in a bottle and yea shy of hints
The conservative giggler, distrusting as any
Yes, three peas in a pod..Him, Her and Myself

What if he asks her to dance and she waves him away
Fiery Nigerian girl with so much to say..
And if the wine doesn't take him so far
Will his notions die out unborn and dismayed

And if she asks him to tell as the Lion thinks it
Will he think her intrusive, English man with the spirit
Before the wine takes him so far, the challenge will be
Can he show her himself, relaxed and unguarded

The questions abound as the meal fizzles out
These two strangers of mine still chirpy at best
Guarded, politely, they go on and on
The spoken, the unspoken ve all come out to play
Parallel and unnoticed in this unhealthy unison..

RIP

Life is so delicate
This is brought home so much more when you lose a loved one
One minute someone's there and the next they're no more
I lost an aunt today..
She left home like everybody else, rushing to a meeting she didn't know she would never make
I can imagine her asking her driver to hurry on as she headed to Kaduna from Abuja
In a split second..Everything changed..
She would be no more...

As I sift through my memories of this aunt
I remember how I held something against her for so many years
However implicit, I would have sunk if I knew I didn't forget before she left
Thank You Lord for bringing her to me last year
What if she died and I hadn't let go?
What if I held on to the insignificant yearns?

She had her struggles, no doubt
But Lord I hope she learnt to focus on you..But Lord I hope she learnt to focus on you..
Did she remember to pray as that meeting dwelt on her mind this day?
Has she gone to be with you?
That's all that matters now..no doubt

All the dreams, worries and strife..
All vanished with her last breath today
The meeting, promotions..that new house
Do not figure any more
I think about all the what if's
If she had known that today would be The Day..

How can I make the best of today?
How can I learn to live and love every being I come across?
Father, I need not complain but focus on you
Who knows the day My Day will be nigh
The date inscribed on your heart..of course
Known only by Father, Son and the Holy Spirit

Whatever happens Father-I am not afraid
You've sent me here to do your Will
I'm constantly falling off the rails
But doesn't matter because I've given my life to you
Say the word Father-and I'll be Home

The thing that terrifies me-I know
Is the loss of the ones that I hold most dear
Father-I'm not ready for this
So please I plead-Father-spare them daily with your Grace
Let them live till they are Ninety plus eight

Who am I that you are mindful of me?
Father Lord-You give and you take
Aunty Ego-your memories abound
Rest in perfect peace-I urge you this day
Life is so delicate
Nothing's as it seems.

Alas...

Sometimes, I want to be a bird..
Free to explore my flights of fancy
Unrestricted and unhindered by the laws of gravity
The sky will be the limit
But I reckon I'll find a way to transcend beyond that
When it's cold, I'll be off in a bleep
No rules except the ones that nature's imposed
I'd like to be a bird.
Free..

I think I'd be an eagle
The Queen of the skies
Sharp eyed and sharp witted..
Love me if you dare
Strong and bold, fearless no doubt
Yes, I'd be an eagle..
Catch me if you can tis what the game'll be
Try..

And when it's night and the moon's in power
I'll transform into the owl
Wise beyond my years, knowing all always
Again my eyes will be piercing
Searching and sighting those things which most creatures ignore
Test me and see..
Seek my counsel and learn.
The wise owl that is me will always perform
Test..

Of course when my love draws near
I'll be the nightingale reborn
Sweet, beautiful..True melody abounds
I'll drive him beyond senseless with the music I spout
Colourful and chirpy,he can never be down
Never nervous cos he's sure
I'll always be back
Wait..

I will be all three birds but will still really be me
Seasons will change and days will be years
But God, Life and Love will always stand true
Alas..

Rhetoric

One one hand..I'm in love with Love. On the other hand, I'm afraid to fall..Instinctively, I try to hedge....
What on earth is wrong with me???

Have often heard that the things we fear the most come to pass..

Read this book and both the guy and the girl knew that this was "it" cos they had both seen each other in their dreams..Have heard so many people say that they knew this was "it" instantaneously..Surely that would eradicate the need to be weary?? lol

Maybe not??

Do we really get more sceptical as we get older? Scary stuff..

I just don't want to know..

Maybe I think too much...

Thing is if I didn't really care-then I wouldn't really think?

I guess as we get older, we want more..but isn't that just selfish..but...you really have to set the standard
Where does one draw the line?

Why do so many marriages fail? Surely, they thought this was "it" at some point..
Arghh-one can't do this without God.

Ha ha- sounds good huh? Until that red neck walks into your life and demands of you that heart that you've so fastidiously kept..
And yes..you hand it to him on a plate..

Why are women so gullible?
Who is true and who is not?


How is this all supposed to work again?
Most women want so much but yet so little...
We all have the "child" in each one of us..If you don't understand the child, you can't understand the person.

Why does it all have to be so hard?
Seeing an old couple the other day made me cry..They looked so happy, content

I think its very important to be able to laugh and cry together, if not
What is the point?

To be fair, sometimes I really don't really get me..
How can anyone else stand a chance?

I'd rather die alone that rot slowly as one half nothing
Why do so many people get it wrong?

Do people change? Too quickly too notice?
When does the drifting begin?

Admittedly, when it works, it works..
Every time I see a couple that's made it work..I feel butterflies in my stomach
Yes, she knows how he likes his meat cooked and his coffee made.
And he knows the day before it is that time of the month..

I haven't learnt to be content
I have never been content

I'm seriously confused..
I'm leaving this to God.
And yes it is the easy way out
Why not? I know it will work!

Questions, rambles..
I've managed to give myself a headache..

Note to Him...

Lord, teach me to rest in you..
Help me to trust in you
Incite in me the will to always obey..
Because without you, I don't want to know

Sometimes I feel like its creaking
My weakness will always betray me
How can I learn what I do not know
When I do not know that I do not know?

I know the passion within me
And I pray that you teach me to fathom
The necessity of watching you lead
Moment by moment through this world and the next

Dear Lord, I'll always be grateful
Even when I often forget to acknowledge
I'm in love with Love
And in love with You.

The African Self?

I chucked in "self" into dictionary.com and came up wit the following:

Person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality:
A person's nature, character, etc.: his better self.
Personal interest.

Philosophically-
a.
the ego; that which knows, remembers, desires, suffers, etc., as contrasted with that known, remembered, etc.
b.
the uniting principle, as a soul, underlying all subjective experience.

So a person's "self" is basically an introspective view of his complete individuality? Considering that there is a thin semi-permeable membrane in existence between an individual and his environment-Can one really have a true appreciation of one's "self" if most things that they "should" identify with is falling apart-right around them? I don't profess to have the answers to these questions and must admit that this is a current trend which is beginning to mortify me. Clandestine questions with seemingly unapparent answers.

So what is my point? The word "Respect" has lost its meaning to most Africans. This is inexcusable considering that respect is a principle that gets talked at kids from the minute they can breathe! "Aunty, Uncle, Sister"- all expressions of respect for those who are older than us..Sometimes, we go beyond these verbal gestures and kneel or even prostrate in some cases. All interesting and sweet, but does this mean much?? Fortunately, I have come to my own conclusion: NO! When you show respect- you are declaring high esteem or a sense of worth or excellence of a person maybe because of a personal quality or ability that you admire. Respect for Africans has gone the route of religion and has become routine. The African has lost the meaning of respect for himself, and obviously for his brother.Why..I wonder.Most African cultures have proclaimed values that should mean that the African is a symbol of integrity, honour and accomplishment. We have stood the test of time and have been blessed with resources which some other continents can only dream of. Why has the African chosen to be the very thing that will undermine the progress of all that we really have: Our people. Why do we still lack a sense of real identity an dedication to the land that has been ours even before we were born?

So how can people claim to have respect for anything and anyone when greed and corruption has eaten through the fabric of everything sane and sacred? Life will always go on but things can be made better.In today's reality- money is the only thing we've given respect and though there are many arguably valid reasons for this-at the end of the day- we all fail, if after all the struggle..we've left our land worse than we met it. Until we can claim to have made an effort, lets stop the pretence and banish the word "respect" from our vocabulary. We do not preach respect..maybe fear, submission but definitely not respect. The soul of the continent is not dead yet but the grim disease that we see on the surface now is fast eroding the essence that those before us have strived for..What happens next? Another rhetoric yet written without practical solutions..

Maybe if we all "think" a little bit more.
Maybe if we all stopped pretending..just enough to see people for who they are
Who are we?
Who do we think we are?
Who will our kids think we are?

We all have to start with our "Self" because that's where the true trauma lies...

I'm much better at asking questions..lol

Et Al..

For a second, I invite you into my bubble where all things are nice, pretty and pink..
Everyone's happy and we never have to hurt, cry or lie pale..
Life as you've known it will surely change.. the day that you decide to see through my eyes.
Nothing's impossible..God's on the throne
What if you wake up? I hear you ask
I urge you to trust me..This is for life..

In this same bubble of mine..
Love is soo perfect..Its awesome...just the way he intended..
I never get bored..You give and I take..You take and I give..
Contented...we never wear thin..This "us" that will now be in this world and the next
Of course there'll be struggles..all part of the game...
But "us" is for life, so lets have fun fighting to win

The thing is..we'll now be living a dream..
And this bubble now ours will drift as we please
Past oceans and borders, both physical and not.
We'll work and we'll rest just as we please
Our bubble's our world and we needn't care less..

Lights Out..

So the lights have dimmed and there's not much to see..
Camaraderie between two lost like it never really was.
Pride and its allies seem to be winning the day again.
Maybe this time but never again..

Nobody can tell the future..
We can only look back and smile
Hoping that at every step, we did our very best..
Somehow, I pray this works the same for you.

What goes on in anyone's heads? Who knows?
People guesstimate and often get it wrong.
For what its worth, the words are plain
Reading between the lines will surely be an exercise in futility

We always think we know more than we show
Only to realise that the game's been on us
Because we've been too caught up to see
But all that's part of the sphere, undoubtedly is..

Livin' on a Prayer..

Once upon a time
Not so long ago
Tommy used to work on the docks
Unions been on strike
Hes down on his luck...
its tough, so tough
Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man,
she brings home her pay
For love - for love
She says weve got to hold on to what weve got
cause it doesnt make a difference
If we make it or not
Weve got each other and thats a lot
For love - well give it a shot

Chorus:Whooah, were half way there
Livin on a prayer
Take my hand and well make it - I swear
Livin on a prayer

Tommys got his six string in hock
Now hes holding in what he used
To make it talk - so tough, its tough
Gina dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers baby its okay, someday
Weve got to hold on to what weve got
cause it doesnt make a differenceIf we make it or not
Weve got each other and thats a lot
For love - well give it a shot

Weve got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when its all that youve got

(Bon Jovi)

For some reason, I've been listening to this song a lot...She brings home her pay-for love..? How many ladies get married with the notion that at some point or the other, they will have to bring home their pay?? For Love..

As I harbor that dream of a life with untold pleasures nesting beside Prince Charming who's truly madly deeply in love with me...I'll have to remember that sometimes, we'll have to hold on, say a little prayer and thank God that we have each other and Love...

I want to be Free..

This is the stuff that dreams are made of..

Pray be free..Free from
Insecurity
Poverty
Misconception
Misinterpretatition
Racism
Sexism
Myopia
Routine
Normality
Obesity
Hunger
Anxiety
Fear .
Fear .
Fear .

Go, my mind-explore..The world is your oyster..If you think it, you can have it..
Be Free...Don't fight it..Live Life, Fall down, get up..Live

Life is a gift..

In the I's

Love God, Live Life, Love Life
It's all in the eyes..
When I look deep into his subconscious
Through the windows that are his eyes
There, between the lines
I learn everything I need to know
People say the eyes don't lie
So I've watched him from the start
Trying desperately to uncover the secrets that he dare not tell
Unravelling slowly the mysteries that lie viscerally beneath the well manicured layers of his personality...
Often, we play games, his eyes and me
This man oblivious to the guise..
I ask if he loves me?
They blink that he does..
I ask if he'll always be true?
They reveal uncertainty
I smile and Mr. Man asks why
I brush him off swearing to guard the secret..
That its all in the eyes.

Such is Life(SIL)

Ok.forgive the slightly cheesy header but hunting down appropriate three letter acronyms are becoming more difficult these days. In the past fortnight, I watched quite a few un-happy ending movies and although I'm a sucker for the digestible predictable ending, I have to admit that some of these movies with real-life endings can provoke thoughts in you that one ponders long after the camera has rolled by. I have to admit that one easily gets lost in our own matrix and we forget to think about other realities that exist parallel to mine. It is real that children suffer in developing countries around the world while I junk a half eaten brownie for fear of the full effect of the calorific intake. I think in a way being Nigerian and going home annually somehow lulls you into a false of African-ism, so you think you know what's going on and therefore assume that you've have a grip on the full picture. Watching Blood Diamond, I really felt compelled to do something...How can people who look unmistakingly alike spend so much time causing grief to one another? How can children suffer and get drawn into hate such that their frail bodies are ill prepared for? Has God really left Africa?? What can I do?? I must admit that being African myself, the selfish one in me would be terrified to drop down on the front lines-what if I get I get caught up and perish for a simple case of mistaken identity? So, there must be something I can do..The naive one in me really feels like the world doesn't have to be so wrong. Why can't people just get along? Why do we fear those that are so different from us? Don't we all just want to live out the rest of our lives, knowing that we did the best that we can, leaving a legacy behind that our kids will be proud of?? Where have all the good men gone..Fear...Fear has crippled our world..I look around today and all I see is the product of fear..Sexism, racism, tribalism-all illnesses that have perpetrated as a result of the fear that has begun to eat human kind from inside out..I get very irritated and emotional when even amongst my friends, I hear the stereotypical and hate-filled voices that were our parents begin to have a grip on our hearts.Why do Yoruba people think Ibo people cannot be trusted? Why do Ibo people think that the Yoruba will sell them out when it comes down to it? Why do the Scottish hate the English? Why do Christians and Muslims hate each other even though they all claim to serve an all-loving God? So many questions. As we grow older, I know that one can easily get sucked into the fear that has eaten those that came before us and to survive, I will fight before I become a part of it. I thank God for my parents, because I haven't grown up hearing that the next man is beneath me just because they are different in one way or the other. If only we could see..if only...that we can only compensate for each other's weaknesses. Why do we have to carry on doing things exactly the way those before us have done it. I believe in heeding the counsel of the elderly but I also firmly believe that we have to take what we hear and rip out the notions that have become extinct..Rome was not built in a day...We need to stop spreading the fear filled hate. We need to show our parents that we can do better. Fear is the opposite of faith..When we fear something so much, it usually comes to pass..Change is good, healthy, people are different for a reason...How can I learn to embrace others and learn to reconcile the things that my instinct shies away from on account of how different they are to my norm. The past month or so has brought be very close to a few cultures quite different from mine..one in particular. For example, I had no idea how different a Hausa wedding was from a Yoruba/Ibo wedding...Thrilling and exciting.I can tell you that much..only bit I didn't like is the part where the bride is absent from the actual wedding! Also quite fascinating to understand why Europeans feel the need to go to the ski slopes when its winter. I realise that people are the same..no good ones or bad ones.It's the choices we make day-to-day that determine which side of the fence we stand on, at any given point in time. We all have needs, we all have blood running through our veins..and we all have fears..But isn't growing up supposed to be about tackling these fears and preventing them from taking over the person that we can be. So many people have died because of fear-bred hate and many more will still die..All for what?? And its not only the Africans that inflict this suicide on themselves? What about the governments of the world that send troops to fight a war fuelled from fear? Isn't that just the same? Many people have died in the name of "The war on Terror" and what has been achieved? In my opinion-nothing! It's time we all woke up and got off the inertia that is fuelling our fears..I'm a Christian and I've met Muslims that have changed my life..literally..God is a God of Love..When we spread fear, anger and hate in his name-how can we blame how he feels...There are probably many thorough and intellectual reasons why these conflicts exist-some valid, other not..But as far as my own 24 year old mind is concerned-It all comes down to fear and I don't need a PhD to expand on this. This fear eats into friendships, then filters into marriages which they emanate as children..and as we are all a product if what was put into us? Who can we blame? We need to begin to challenge our upbringing and all the sacred truths that we've always taken as given...How else will we achieve change? We need to confront and test the fears that have held us captive? Where are all the great men? Alexander the great might be misplaced in this time and age, but we still need role models who have conquered the canopies of Sexism, racism, and all the isms that people use an excuse to spread fear. The crimes and atrocities that have been committed in the name of fear are very real and are probably a valid catalyst for more hate. But people need to stop and say no..How can we desire peace when we all choose to do nothing..Surely, that's the definition of madness..I think it's time we begin to take ourselves a little less seriously and the people around us more seriously..embrace life and step out from our parents' shadows..Life is a gift that is surely wasted walking in anybody else's shadow..
A little change everyday will surely culminate to make a difference..Some of us will have kids in the recent years to come..Please spare them and let this degeneration stop in our generation..Maybe this is just another spiel..but who knows..Its a dream I pray I can make come through for my children...Amen..

Disclaimer: I have to admit that some of the issues discussed above I struggle with daily, so do not take this as a subscription to perfection. if I pen down my aspirations, and revisit now and again..I'm sure I'll change in time..prejudices and stereotyping have no place in the great...according to me anyway..

290107

NY07

Sometimes, the iterations in my head just mean that I make life more complex than it needs to be. This is my first blog this year but I feel like its been a long year already. Lagos was fantastic and I wish I could do it all again. The atmosphere is just brimming with so much energy, you can't help but get infected.For the most of it, Nigerians still haven't changed and I have to include myself in making this gross generalisation.All most single people talk about fall under the broad heading of Money and Marriage! Money-I guess I don't mind as much but I'm sick of talking about Marriage. I don't have a boyfriend and I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for one yet. Marriage is not something I want to even venture near for the next couple of years so I really would like to live my life without having to be constantly reminded that I'm getting older and the few good men are diminishing at an increasing rate. As far as I'm concerned, Marriage is difficult and most marriages fail because of the delusions that have intrinsically affected the people around me. Sure, I'm a hopeless romantic but I also think that marriage can be the dire source of a rude awakening. Pessimistic-I know..All I'm saying is that we can't live out the rest of our lives waiting out for the one who might just be a figment fed to us all those years ago when we were Disney addicts! I want to go skiing, sailing, hiking...I want to travel to Asia, Australia, and Africa extensively..So much to do, so much to see..And so little time..

Being Human, it would be great to have that someone special who can immortalise the memories and make me feel like Walt Disney was a fake. So this year as far as New Year resolutions are concerned, I've asked God to give me the strength to change one little thing in my life, day by day; eat healthier, stick with the gym, work harder at my job, make a difference in my family, be a little more patient and ask God for the Grace to walk the path...and yes at the back of my mind, honestly, The icing on the cake would be that guy who makes sense to me and who is prepared to honestly navigate this road; knowing that together we can make a difference to each other and our present reality. I want to be able to learn from him..and he has to be a tad bit open minded. I've decided that for this, I'm ready to forgo the whole marriage and "where are we going with this" conversation..As long as we're living and learning, it doesn't really matter. So as it goes, I still remain Bullish on God, Life and Love.I just don't want to feel like anyone's dragging me down to aisleland with a noose..

There are some amazing guys out there and I've met some of them..

I remain eternally grateful..

Anyway, enough of the rambles..