Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Sometimes, I really think I've lost it.
Can't get to grips with the fluctuations I see in my mind's eye
Being volatile can certainly lead to one's undoing
Painting absurd pictures that can easily be misconstrued
Why does this palette constantly paint pictures that haunt the ones that mean the most
Almost bewildering
Confusing.even for me
How much more for another.
There has to be method to my madness

In the beginning..

Talk about mega drama. The last week has been quite dramatic and I can truly say I've learnt quite a bit about myself and human beings in general. Somebody told me quite recently that I don't listen and I'm glad I listened long enough to hear him say that. I should learn to listen more often. One of my favourite coined up sayings goes as thus: "God's an Artist and our lives are his masterpieces". I quite often distrust people for the simple reason that human beings don't understand their personalities and thresholds as well as they think they do. But recent events have got me thinking? Does this really matter? Isn't that part of the HUGE learning curve?

Anyway, nobody knows when the next rate-determining step will only be round the corner. That's why I really can't believe human being can live their lives without God. I have so many issues and I'm so far from perfect but at least I have a benchmark and I have methods of measuring success-all thanks to the Bible. I even get clues when something strange is round the corner and really God's the only one who has no downsides!

I also got given an amazing gift this weekend-cover to cover chronological journey Bible guide. Only on day one and already I'm like WOW! The description of Eden is so poignant and just breathtaking. It's what all human beings spend their lives looking for. A land flowing with milk and honey, dominion over everything and man and woman existing in TOTAL harmony. The word "Adam" is derived from "adama"-the Hebrew feminine noun meaning "earth". So, adam was upgraded from earth-given perfection-and everything was handed to him on a silver spoon! And then, they had to go and mess everything up. But hang on second, before judgement is passed on so hastily-the human being of these times would have done even worse. How often do you come across somebody who is truly CONTENT? Someone who looks at where they are and is truly happy for today without having to source happiness from the prospects of tomorrow? I haven't met that many people. There's a thin line between ambition and discontent. What fuels our ambitions? The prospect of a better life? The oasis in the desert? We strive in our search for the optimum lifestyle, job, partner but keep on shifting the bars each time. Arguably, this is not necessarily a bad thing but one has to know where to draw the balance. How can one live life always forfeiting today for the sake of tomorrow-especially since nobody knows how long they have on this earth? Personally, I dare not criticize anybody on this subject because I don't think I've learnt how to draw the balance myself. Timing and Balance-I keep on coming back to these because that's what most things boil down to

On the issue of one's partner-I love how the Bible describes creation and how God asked man to "name" all the animals and all that he had created. Talk about empowerment! Adam even named "Eve". When you think about the importance the Bible places on names-one can only imagine the privilege given to man upon creation. The creation story is particularly important to me because that's the benchmark for perfection-God restores these privileges to us once we accept Jesus as our Lord! Today- misplaced priorities mean that roles and responsibilities have been confused and the lines have been blurred. I laugh when women declare their "independence" and then complain that men don't open doors! Marriage is increasingly becoming a washed out institution because people are going against the grain and trying to reorganise the order that was installed all those centuries ago. Its a man's job to be the HEAD of the family. He is the God-given leader and as such the final decisions rest with him. Like any CEO of a company, he naturally needs to know how to delegate and will obviously appreciate initiative from those he presides over. Thankfully, he has been built for this and needs to tap into the natural power available for the success of his organisation(family).Fortunately, the Bible doesn't give women an excuse to abscond as Proverbs 31 describes the perfect woman as one that works hard and supports her guy in every way. Being human, I've applied my own rationale to this.lol.When I meet a guy that talks about 50:50, I'm truly perplexed-Hard work is not and will never be a problem for me but I shudder to think about the day when the CEO of Microsoft decides to relegate half of his responsiblity.To me, a guy is RESPONSIBLE for the family. FULL STOP. No CEO does all the work himself-but should something go horribly wrong- he shoulders the responsibily. He is the face of the company and its his job to make sure that the shareholders are happy. Now when you have a company where everyone wants to be the CEO-surely one can see how the recipe for disaster starts to boil up. Being human and having inherited adam and eve's blood- many people have developed their own twists on the above-So you have men behaving recklessly and without respect because they are men-and woman thinking they can have the final say because they pay the bills. Thankfully,the Bible again points at Jesus as the perfect Leader who led by service. Privileges and responsibilities go hand in hand..

In my rather short time on this earth-I don't pretend to have the answers, all I can say is that I have a Manual. And I'll follow it blindly-because all the answers to "Who am I?" are in there. I'm an ambitious young girl-I want the best that life has to give and will strive endlessly to be the best. But I'm also female and thankfully can and will choose carefully who my lifelong CEO will be. God will have to govern that decision cos the effects are irreversible. However, I also pray that I respect his rights as a leader and I help make the decision making process that much easier. Probably won't be easy and I don't expect the ride to start off smoothly-but like any merger; companies ,human beings, personalities, composites, etc-One can anticipate problems and will have to work hard to extract synergies and achieve the pre-envisioned "value add" that made the whole process appear worthwhile in the first place. People can learn a lot from analysing how and what makes a company run. We are like individual companies, have our own tenets and procedures. Merging with someone else which often is more like an acquisition instead of a "true merger" can often be complex and should not be taken lightly. Investment bankers work all night trying to analyse if companies will be a true fit. Surely, marriage requires even more attention. Perhaps, we all have another reason to enrol on that MBA?

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


Life'll always be a struggle..you must remember
My inner eye will always criticize me..to my discomfort
In a struggle to attain perfection, will I miss out on the people and things that matter the most?
Who are the people that matter the most?
What are that things that matter the most?
As Life moves on..and we face the inevitable..
Is it realistic that anyone guy will take me for better or WORSE?
Therein lies the problem...
As seasonal and erratic as my patterns are.
I admit that I ponder and maybe worry.
What happens when we become routine and the little quirks of our characters begin to magnify and plague the space around us?
I'm scared..
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Emotional volatility is a weird concept.
Almost as certain as change.
People will get hurt..
And its human to protect oneself
Which often results in hurting the ones that you care about(the most).
I think about God, Love and the Bible.
That's the only solution.
That's the key.
I can't trust myself not to hurt you
I can't trust you not to hurt me.
But if we both cling on to God and continue to plead for Grace.
That's the only way we'll have a chance.
I say I've never been heart broken but maybe because I've never let myself go.
People are sure to let you down.
Sometimes, I watch myself let another down.
Lord, I ask you to fill me with you.
Half the issues that plague us are buried in our subconsious.
I'll never be perfect,so Lord give me the Grace to accept that we are all soiled
And make me better, one day at a time.
As I manouevre my way around this journey I call life.
Lord, please help me forgive and FORGET those who hurt me
And please help others forgive and forget when I hurt them,
Change can be good.
Change can be bad
Change can be exciting
Change can be excruciating
Riding the waves is part of the process.
Father, grant us the serenity..

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Previous notions- Defenestrated.
How many times does one have to press that reset button?

Just you wait and see-
Watch this Space.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

History Repeats Itself

I'm reading this book on "Technical Analysis of the Financial Markets" and I came across one of the major presumptions behind tech. analysis: History repeats itself-the key to understanding the future lies in a study of he past.Human pyschology tends not to change..

But what happens If we have no knowledge of the past..

The future is merely a repetition of the past-Thank God for the Bible.