Sunday, December 03, 2006
Thursday, November 23, 2006
- I’m Thankful to God for being there for me from the beginning of time-Father, you know I’ll Love you always. You pick me up and wash me when nobody else will, reinventing me when they’ve all turned their backs. I thank you Lord for sticking with me even though I’ve messed up every step of the way. I’m grateful for because you make ALL my hearts desires come to pass. You keep me strong always and out of harms way. Father, I will always be in love with you. You knew me even before I was formed and Lord, you’re the one in whom I move and have my being. I just hope someday Father, I’ll make you proud although I know I can never be grateful enough.
- I’m Thankful to my mother because she has been the best role model any child could ever ask for. Most character defining traits I know I got from watching my mother working hard while putting her children first. I have always been given the best even if it came at the expense of your comfort and most things you hold dear. You’ve loved me, correcting me in love every time you saw fit. You taught how to read my Bible and surely that’s the greatest of all gifts. You showed me that everything is possible If I hand my life over to God. You showed me that being the head comes with responsibility and sacrifice to gain the respect. You’ve given me space to make my mistakes and surely now I have a mind of my own. Your life has not been easy but you’re always smiling and making us laugh. Even the smallest things you do sometimes I realise I’ll never forget. A woman of principle and surely one of the world’s finest. I know that God surely make sure you reap every seed you’ve sowed to make sure I’m who I am today. You’ve stayed beautiful through it all, surely I have no excuse…Words cannot express.
- I’m Thankful to my dad because he’s always there. Being a man doesn’t come easy but I’ve never doubted for one day that you love more than words can say. As a kid, you told me stories and taught me games that I’ll play until the day I’m gone. You’re not perfect dad, but you’re the best in the world. I haven’t always listened to you but as soon as I hit a roadblock you come running to pick me up. We have our fights but through it all you’ve shown love and patience. God chose you to give me life and when I look in the mirror –I have to say “Dad, you did a mighty fine job”. I can tell you anything and still you don’t judge. You don’t rule in fear and I appreciate that you let me make my decisions. You think I’ve forgotten how you went the extra mile all those years but no-I never forget. I have such a long way to go dad but I know you’ll be rooting for me.
- Sisters- Love you more you think you know. I truly don’t understand how you give me more than you have always. You’re always there doing things that break your back. When I’m moody, you’re the ones I take it out on, but you never judge me for it. Sometimes, I forget to be grateful but your hearts still stay open. Of course, we have our fights but we’re never angry for long. You guys are smart and beautiful women and I don’t I can’t even compare. I’m glad to have come before because you guys inspire me daily…breaking down boundaries, showing consistence, dedication and dilligence..all the way, all the time. We’re always sisters, always friends. Lets stay real close to the end.
- Brothers- The pride of my life. I can’t believe how gorgeous you guys are. You will make us proud. You will be men of valour and no one will be able to hold you down. When you’re around, I always feel the difference. Forever able to help and asking for nothing in return. You’re young but you are truly two of the most important men in my life. When I think of you-my heart beat accelerates because I know I’ll give anything to see you happy. Good men are hard to find-thank you for loving me.
- BA- You’re my cousin but you’re really my sis. Thank you for teaching me so much even though you’ve always thought it was the other way round. When I left CJ and had nowhere to turn, you showed me that life can still be fun and really those years-I had the time of my life! You never judge me although you’re never afraid to let me know what you think. I thank God for you and I love you, but you knew this already. We have the most amazing conversations and we’ve been through so much together. Do you remember chilling in Holborn, broke and hungry? Lol-what can I say? We did what he had to do. We still have many milestones ahead of us but just want you to know-I’ll always be there.
- TM & BS- Being my friend is surely a task and a half but you guys are there for me when I think the whole world’s gone crazy! Different as both of you are, you complete me and really-I’d change nothing at all. T-we catch the maddest trips and you just never complain. As far as girls go, you’re one of the most sensible ones I know. I push you but you just never break. Not even one argument-I’m grateful, I just want you to know. You listen as I navigate through the randomness that can be my life and at the end-what a laugh-no judging at all. We started this JH together and really its been great. Don’t forget our plans to have babies at the same time. The guys don’t need to know.B-Your pearls of wisdom have kept me through the storms and you’re just so sensible-you’re younger but I’ve learnt so much. Even the things you don’t say have showed me so much and I know that when I need an opinion-yours is as solid as gold. You girls really complete me and really I thank God for bringing us together-Ride or die!
- CJ-You were my first and really you set the pace. You treated me like a queen and showed me what life can be life when a guy makes you his all. I know we ended badly but still I never forget-four years of loving, living and learning-lessons I’ll take with me to the grave. You taught me about “us” and giving selfelssly..You showed me that guys can change and Love really is power. I know I was young and could have done things better-but really I apologise for all the pain that I know still resides. I know you’ll love me forever just because I do. 143.CJ.143.
- JA- You’ve been there for me J-showed me that really a girl can be spoilt and treated like a flower. I see how I light up your eyes even to this day and I marvel because I know you love me. Amazing, after all these years. We’ve grown and we’ve shared and we’ve laughed-You’re my rock even though I never tell you this. I know you hold me above every other girl even to this day and I know I don’t deserve it but I’ll always be there. All those valentines made special by you even when we weren’t together-No one else on this earth has spoilt me as much as you. The flowers..the music..cooking for me..presents I’ll keep forever…J-you’re more than a gem..I know you don’t like this but really you’re almost like my bro-Thanks, words fail at this point.
- LA-It’s been two years since our paths crossed and I hope we have more. You’ve been more than a friend although sometimes I wish you were more. We’re two peas in a pod and this road has been rocky, but somehow we always seem to come through the storm.Even when we’ve wandered our different ways-It’s been comforting knowing you always be there.I’m struggling for words because sometimes its hard to describe the bond that we shared. I thank you for always being truthful to me and always listening to me through my rants and all that. Even when all the odds are against, you’ve trusted me and I find that hard to digest. It gives me comfort to know that somehow, we’ll always stay friend..even if we decide that its with other people our destinies lie. I thank God for bringing me across you because you were the first guy who taught me that a girl and a guy can exist without the need for the coital so and so’s. We play fight and have a laugh and really it’s great..even your pancakes are amazing and the pasta you make.Now-I try to live by principles that you’ve taught me so far, and its so much easier because really,I know it can be done. LA-I thank you being there for me even if it was against your better judgement.
- BK-I’m thankful to you because you’re more than a rock. You’ve been there for me somehow-regardless. I really don’t get it and to be honest-It scares me a bit. But I accept you for you and we just flow like that. All those times, when no one would listen to me moan about work-you would. You’re so patient and I don’t think I could have gone through that year without you. Even when I was stroppy and unkind. BK-you would stick. Especially when I’ve given you nothing in return. I’ll really make it up to you, truly I will. I know I mean the world to you so I’ll make it count. Thank you so much and I know there’ll be so much more.
- RBOARF-Hmm. My twin, SM-What can I say? I have never met anyone who understood me so seamlessly. We’re two sides of the same coin and I’m amazed by how much we click. I know we have our arguments but that makes it so much fun-even if you live 3000 miles away. Thank you for coming to see me. Those were truly two of the best weeks this year. I thank you for all the support and care you’ve shown me since we met. I was truly bowled over and you’re really a dream and I appreciate that you keep on coming back even after the rude phone calls. Everybody loves you because you’re so well behaved. I think you’re mum has done a fab job indeed. When we’re in our eighties and still having a blast.RBOARF-we’ll know that we kept our promise to stick till the end.
- NO, TA & FO-Guys, guys, guys-You three are amazing. You’ve made all the difference-Thank you so much for listening and just being there.
- PO-Thanks a lot. You’re truly the nicest guy I know and I’m sure without a doubt that you’ll always be there. I’m so lucky it’s me that you love and sometimes I wish I could…… You’re more than a gem. You know the Bible so well and my grandma loves you to bits. We have such a laugh and when we fight-its deep..Thank you for always coming back and for treating me like a princess-It’s more than I can ask for.
- To the man of my dreams: Lol-I thank you because I know you’re coming for me. Every day, I pray that our paths cross at just the right time. I might have even met you, but anyone’s guess is just as good as mine. I ask God to keep you safe and secure from danger, especially from all those girls who will most certainly break your heart! I’m waiting for you because you have to find me and in the mean time I’ll dream of sugar and all things so nice.
Friday, November 17, 2006
All I’m saying is that London is one of the best cities in the world and I love it to bits..I may say I don’t and I do think its too cold but what can I say..there’s always that thin line.lol..To enjoy the city though, you have to have the right company and really the right man can turn this city into any dream you’ve ever had..I probably spend my time day-dreaming more than the average person-so really I want me some of that.
Another weekend..lets see what the cat brings in..
Monday, November 13, 2006
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
I can’t make up my mind
To go to Lagos or not this Christmas?
Why won't I go anywhere else at Christmas time?
I'd really like to be adventurous one of these years..
But the magnetic pull from Lagos just won't let me be
To go to Lagos or not?
What a dilemma
Friday, November 03, 2006
It’s a Friday afternoon-I’m sitting here-waiting until 3.20 so I can get in a cab and head for the airport. I’m headed for Geneva and I just can’t wait to get on that plane! The last month or so has been especially difficult as far as I’m concerned and I’m glad that there’s finally some light at my end of the tunnel. Funny how quickly, the future becomes your past. In less than a 100 hours, Geneva will struggle for a place in my memory banks. As hard as it may seem, I will have to learn to also live for today because that’s really what reinforces my history and will propel my future.
One of the most amazing things about writing is the freedom that you feel when you flirt with words and place hide and seek with the phrases that match the way you feel at the precise time and place. Often, you read back and you can’t believe how well you captured that moment especially since you’ve moved well on since then.
As another year draws to an end, I really wonder what the years to come will hold. I keep asking God to wrap me with the Spirit of Wisdom because simple things only get more complex as we get older. I’m amazed how I manage to significantly complicate things that should have been left mindless and as simple as they were intended to be. All the shouldas, couldas, wouldas of the next year. How I will I make them count??
I probably will speak (constantly) to fewer people than I do this year because that’s just how the curve progresses. And I think, in many ways, that’s a positive. I probably will do much more travelling than I did this year and try make my money work more for me. Next year’s birthday will be a milestone and I intend to make it count..TO Me.lol.Will I have a boyfriend next year? Will I still love my job next year? Will I remain in Europe next year? The jury is out and we’ll have to be patient with the verdict because I don’t know. But with every day that passes, I get closer to uncovering these answers, so every day does count..I know what I’d like the answers to some of these questions to be but who knows what will happen tomorrow to change that.
I’m grateful for to all those that have stuck with me this far and I pray that tomorrow only brings us closer than yesterday. After all said and done, God is an artist and our lives are His masterpieces-we may not get it while he’s painting, but in hindsight, everything makes perfect sense.
I’ll always be proud to be Nigerian because God ordained it so.I have to admit though that the Nigerian story is one that is saturated with ironical nuances and tragic admissions. How can a country that was given so much continue to realise so little? How can we be a net importer of energy products?coffee? and all the other things I have no idea about. Why is poverty rampant and why do the people suffer so? How long does this have to last and when will we see the light at the end of the tunnel. All we need are a few good men to stand in the gap. This mission will probably cost them their lives but maybe just maybe, people will get the message. Admittedly, I wasn’t the world’s most focused history student but I do know that human nature is human nature. From the little I know of British history, I acknowledge that there was a time when Great Britain stood where we stand now. There will always be corrupt, greedy and one-tracked minded individuals lining the fabric of a society’s make-up so we can’t continue to use that as an excuse! How do we move on from here? Who will be prepared to make the sacrifice? I’m under no illusions. Blood will be shed for this cause! When will Nigerians pause long enough to operate as one body relegating the cultural differences that divide us to focus on a common goal? When will we have educated leaders who map out a well structured plan to move my country forward? Will this happen in my lifetime? Will my kids be proud to be associated with the Giant of Africa? People talk. Talk is cheap when it has no substance. How did the Great Britain of yesterday evolve into what we have today? Are there lessons to be learnt? Who will be the catalyst of change? What can I do? When will people stop being short sighted and focus on the long term? When will we stop trusting outsiders more than we trust our fellow men? Nigerians are everywhere, in every work of life and city that stands on this earth. A Nigerian has even been to space! Who will be prepared to give their life for this cause? When will we embrace the Nigerian identity and realise that as a tem we will all be empowered. Next year will be important for Nigeria and the whole world will be watching to see if we can get our act together. All I have are questions and the same applies for most other people. Its time we actively pursued the answers that will take us one step further. It’s time to silence our critics for good. This will not be easy…Minds have to evolve- we have to move on and focus on the big picture. So what if you marry someone from a different culture? Why do we let our parents dictate our lives even though we claim adult status? Why are we afraid to go against the grain and think things through ourselves. Its time to decide what we will be remembered for. I don’t think those that came before me have given me much to be proud for. 1960 was 46 years ago and we’re still stuck in the same cycle. It’s time to stand accountable and snatch the reins of power from the outdated and backward minds that threaten to run us to the ground! Why can’t we channel out differences into fuel that will drive change in our time? Will I see Nigeria change in my lifetime? When will the winds of change embalm our land? I pray for a generational renewal. I pray for the spirit of optimism. I pray that when the time comes, I have the strength to play my part regardless of what small a magnitude it may represent.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Botha speech 1985:
THE FOLLOWING is a speech made by former South African President P.W.
Botha to his Cabinet.
"Pretoria has been made by the White mind for the White man. We are not obliged even the least to try to prove to anybody and to the Blacks that we are superior people. We have demonstrated that to the Blacks in a thousand and one ways. The Republic of South Africa that we know of today has not been created by wishful thinking. We have created it at the expense of intelligence, sweat and blood. Were they Afrikaners who tried to eliminate the Australian Aborigines? Are they Afrikaners who discriminate against Blacks and call them Nigge*rs in the States? Were they Afrikaners who started the slave trade? Where is the Black man appreciated? England discriminates against its Black and their "Sus" law is out to discipline the Blacks. Canada, France, Russia, and Japan all play their discrimination too. Why in the hell then is so much noise made about us? Why are they biased against us? I am simply trying to prove to you all that there is nothing unusual we are doing that the so called civilized worlds are not doing. We are simply an honest people who have come out aloud with a clear philosophy of how we want to live our own White life.
We do not pretend like other Whites that we like Blacks. The fact that, Blacks look like human beings and act like human beings do not necessarily make them sensible human beings. Hedgehogs are not porcupines and lizards are not crocodiles simply because they look alike. If God wanted us to be equal to the Blacks, he would have
created> us all of a uniform colour and intellect. But he created us
differently: Whites, Blacks, Yellow, Rulers and the ruled.
Intellectually, we are superior to the Blacks; that has been proven beyond any reasonable doubt over the years. I believe that the Afrikaner is an honest, God fearing person, who has demonstrated practically the right way of being. Nevertheless, it is comforting to know that behind the scenes, Europe, America, Canada, Australia-and all others are behind us in spite of what they say. For diplomatic relations, we all know what language should be used and where. To prove my point, Comrades, does anyone of you know a White country without an investment or interest in South Africa? Who buys our gold? Who buys our diamonds? Who trades with us? Who is helping us develop other nuclear weapon? The very truth is that we are their people and they are our people. It's a big secret. The strength of our economy is backed by America, Britain, Germany. It is our strong conviction, therefore, that the Black is the raw material for the White man. So Brothers and Sisters, let us join hands together to fight against this Black devil. I appeal to all Afrikaners to come out with any creative means of fighting this war. Surely God cannot forsake his own people whom we are. By now every one of us has seen it practically that the Blacks cannot rule themselves. Give them guns and they will kill each other. They are good in nothing else but making noise, dancing, marrying many wives and indulging in sex. Let us all accept that the Black man is the symbol of poverty, mental inferiority, laziness and emotional incompetence. Isn't it plausible? therefore that the White man is created to rule the Black man? Come to think of what would happen one day if you woke up and on the throne sat a Kaff*ir! Can you imagine what would happen to our women? Does anyone of you believe that the Blacks can rule this country?
Hence, we have good reasons to let them all-the Mandelas-rot in prison, and I think we should be commended for having kept them alive in spite of what we have at hand with which to finish them off. I wish to announce a number of new strategies that should be put to use to destroy this Black bug. We should now make use of the chemical weapon. Priority number one, we should not by all means allow any more increases of the Black population lest we be choked very soon. I have exciting news that our scientists have come with an efficient stuff. I am sending out more researchers to the field to identify as many venues as possible where the chemical weapons could be employed to combat any further population increases. The hospital is a very strategic opening, for example and should be fully utilized. The food supply channel should be used. We have eveloped excellent slow killing poisons and fertility destroyers.
Our only fear is in case such stuff came in! ! to their hands as they are bound to start using it against us if you care to think of the many Blacks working for us in our homes.
However, we are doing the best we can to make sure that the stuff remains strictly in our hands. Secondly, most Blacks are vulnerable to money inducements. I have set aside a special fund to exploit this venue. The old trick of divide and rule is still very valid today. Our experts should work day and night to set the Black man against his fellowman. His inferior sense of morals can be exploited beautifully.
And here is a creature that lacks foresight. There is a need for us to combat him in long term projections that he cannot suspect. The average Black does not plan his life beyond a year: that stance, for example,should be exploited. My special department is already working round the clock to come out with a long-term operation blueprint. I am also sending a special request to all Afrikaner mothers to double their birth rate. It may be necessary too to set up a population boom industry by putting up centres where we employ and support fully White young men and women to produce children for the nation.
We are also investigating the merit of uterus rentals as a possible means of speeding up the growth of our population through surrogate mothers.
For the time being, we should also engage a higher gear to make sure that Black men are separated from their women and fines imposed upon married wives who bear illegitimate children.
I have a committee working on finding better methods of inciting Blacks against each other and encouraging murders among themselves. Murder cases among Blacks should bear very little punishment in order to encourage them.
My scientists have come up with a drug that could be smuggled into their brews to effect slow poisoning results and fertility destruction.
Working through drinks and manufacturing of soft drinks geared to the Blacks, could promote the channels of reducing their population. Ours is not a war that we can use the atomic bomb to destroy the Blacks, so we must use our intelligence to effect this. The person-to-person encounter can be very effective.
As the records show that the Black man is dying to go to bed with the White woman, here is our unique opportunity. Our Sex Mercenary Squad should go out and camouflage with Apartheid Fighters while doing their operations quietly administering slow killing poison and fertility destroyers to those Blacks they thus befriend.
We are modifying the Sex Mercenary Squad by introducing White men who should go for the militant Black woman and any other vulnerable Black woman. We have received a new supply of prostitutes from Europe and America who are desperate and too keen to take up the appointments.
My latest appeal is that the maternity hospital operations should be intensified. We are not paying those people to help bring Black babies to this world but to eliminate them on the very delivery moment. If this department worked very efficiently, a great deal could be achieved.
My Government has set aside a special fund for erecting more covert hospitals and clinics to promote this programme. Money can do anything for you. So while we have it, we should make the best use of it. In the meantime my beloved White citizens, do not take to heart what the world says, and don't be ashamed of being called racists. I do not mind being called the architect and King of Apartheid. I shall not become a monkey simply because someone has called me a monkey. I will still remain your bright star...His Excellency B
I can only do me. It’s easy to get drawn in to other people’s paradigms but after all said and done-I can only do me.lol
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Can't get to grips with the fluctuations I see in my mind's eye
Being volatile can certainly lead to one's undoing
Painting absurd pictures that can easily be misconstrued
Why does this palette constantly paint pictures that haunt the ones that mean the most
I AM TIRED..
Confusing.even for me
How much more for another.
JE SUIS TRES FATIGUE
There has to be method to my madness
Anyway, nobody knows when the next rate-determining step will only be round the corner. That's why I really can't believe human being can live their lives without God. I have so many issues and I'm so far from perfect but at least I have a benchmark and I have methods of measuring success-all thanks to the Bible. I even get clues when something strange is round the corner and really God's the only one who has no downsides!
I also got given an amazing gift this weekend-cover to cover chronological journey Bible guide. Only on day one and already I'm like WOW! The description of Eden is so poignant and just breathtaking. It's what all human beings spend their lives looking for. A land flowing with milk and honey, dominion over everything and man and woman existing in TOTAL harmony. The word "Adam" is derived from "adama"-the Hebrew feminine noun meaning "earth". So, adam was upgraded from earth-given perfection-and everything was handed to him on a silver spoon! And then, they had to go and mess everything up. But hang on second, before judgement is passed on so hastily-the human being of these times would have done even worse. How often do you come across somebody who is truly CONTENT? Someone who looks at where they are and is truly happy for today without having to source happiness from the prospects of tomorrow? I haven't met that many people. There's a thin line between ambition and discontent. What fuels our ambitions? The prospect of a better life? The oasis in the desert? We strive in our search for the optimum lifestyle, job, partner but keep on shifting the bars each time. Arguably, this is not necessarily a bad thing but one has to know where to draw the balance. How can one live life always forfeiting today for the sake of tomorrow-especially since nobody knows how long they have on this earth? Personally, I dare not criticize anybody on this subject because I don't think I've learnt how to draw the balance myself. Timing and Balance-I keep on coming back to these because that's what most things boil down to
On the issue of one's partner-I love how the Bible describes creation and how God asked man to "name" all the animals and all that he had created. Talk about empowerment! Adam even named "Eve". When you think about the importance the Bible places on names-one can only imagine the privilege given to man upon creation. The creation story is particularly important to me because that's the benchmark for perfection-God restores these privileges to us once we accept Jesus as our Lord! Today- misplaced priorities mean that roles and responsibilities have been confused and the lines have been blurred. I laugh when women declare their "independence" and then complain that men don't open doors! Marriage is increasingly becoming a washed out institution because people are going against the grain and trying to reorganise the order that was installed all those centuries ago. Its a man's job to be the HEAD of the family. He is the God-given leader and as such the final decisions rest with him. Like any CEO of a company, he naturally needs to know how to delegate and will obviously appreciate initiative from those he presides over. Thankfully, he has been built for this and needs to tap into the natural power available for the success of his organisation(family).Fortunately, the Bible doesn't give women an excuse to abscond as Proverbs 31 describes the perfect woman as one that works hard and supports her guy in every way. Being human, I've applied my own rationale to this.lol.When I meet a guy that talks about 50:50, I'm truly perplexed-Hard work is not and will never be a problem for me but I shudder to think about the day when the CEO of Microsoft decides to relegate half of his responsiblity.To me, a guy is RESPONSIBLE for the family. FULL STOP. No CEO does all the work himself-but should something go horribly wrong- he shoulders the responsibily. He is the face of the company and its his job to make sure that the shareholders are happy. Now when you have a company where everyone wants to be the CEO-surely one can see how the recipe for disaster starts to boil up. Being human and having inherited adam and eve's blood- many people have developed their own twists on the above-So you have men behaving recklessly and without respect because they are men-and woman thinking they can have the final say because they pay the bills. Thankfully,the Bible again points at Jesus as the perfect Leader who led by service. Privileges and responsibilities go hand in hand..
In my rather short time on this earth-I don't pretend to have the answers, all I can say is that I have a Manual. And I'll follow it blindly-because all the answers to "Who am I?" are in there. I'm an ambitious young girl-I want the best that life has to give and will strive endlessly to be the best. But I'm also female and thankfully can and will choose carefully who my lifelong CEO will be. God will have to govern that decision cos the effects are irreversible. However, I also pray that I respect his rights as a leader and I help make the decision making process that much easier. Probably won't be easy and I don't expect the ride to start off smoothly-but like any merger; companies ,human beings, personalities, composites, etc-One can anticipate problems and will have to work hard to extract synergies and achieve the pre-envisioned "value add" that made the whole process appear worthwhile in the first place. People can learn a lot from analysing how and what makes a company run. We are like individual companies, have our own tenets and procedures. Merging with someone else which often is more like an acquisition instead of a "true merger" can often be complex and should not be taken lightly. Investment bankers work all night trying to analyse if companies will be a true fit. Surely, marriage requires even more attention. Perhaps, we all have another reason to enrol on that MBA?
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
My inner eye will always criticize me..to my discomfort
In a struggle to attain perfection, will I miss out on the people and things that matter the most?
Who are the people that matter the most?
What are that things that matter the most?
As Life moves on..and we face the inevitable..
Is it realistic that anyone guy will take me for better or WORSE?
Therein lies the problem...
As seasonal and erratic as my patterns are.
I admit that I ponder and maybe worry.
What happens when we become routine and the little quirks of our characters begin to magnify and plague the space around us?
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Emotional volatility is a weird concept.
Almost as certain as change.
People will get hurt..
And its human to protect oneself
Which often results in hurting the ones that you care about(the most).
I think about God, Love and the Bible.
That's the only solution.
That's the key.
I can't trust myself not to hurt you
I can't trust you not to hurt me.
But if we both cling on to God and continue to plead for Grace.
That's the only way we'll have a chance.
I say I've never been heart broken but maybe because I've never let myself go.
People are sure to let you down.
Sometimes, I watch myself let another down.
Lord, I ask you to fill me with you.
Half the issues that plague us are buried in our subconsious.
I'll never be perfect,so Lord give me the Grace to accept that we are all soiled
And make me better, one day at a time.
As I manouevre my way around this journey I call life.
Lord, please help me forgive and FORGET those who hurt me
And please help others forgive and forget when I hurt them,
Change can be good.
Change can be bad
Change can be exciting
Change can be excruciating
Riding the waves is part of the process.
Father, grant us the serenity..
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Thursday, October 05, 2006
But what happens If we have no knowledge of the past..
The future is merely a repetition of the past-Thank God for the Bible.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
I've read it in the Bible many times but don't think I ever got it.
The wrong idea at the wrong time just will not work
Eating the wrong things at the wrong times- Absolute disaster
The wrong bar on the wrong day- Social nightmare
The wrong job at the wrong time- Career Limiting move
The wrong guy at the wrong time- Emotional Rollercoaster
The right guy at the wrong time- What a waste?
The wrong guy at the right time- Semi-permanent damage.
The permutations are endless..One minute later and your miracle would have strolled past you.
How can anyone leave anything to chance? The iterations are programme-boggling..
Nah, just can't take the chance.Thanks God for God and the way He directs our path.
Mind Boggling? Wonder how many life changing miracles I've strolled past in disobedience?
I won't even start...!!!
I also hope I'm not using this exam as an excuse for something else that is bothering me, but I'll see come 7pm tonight..
Amazing how God continues to touch up His masterpiece that is my life..I'm always left wondering what's happening next.It's amazing to wake up and fall in love with Him again and again..
I can only contemplate and probably don't understand what it means to love Him with your heart and soul- But I sure plan to give it a try.I read a chapter in his Book today that literally gave me butterflies in my stomach..Almost like a massage coming from the Master Himself..He always knows what I need to hear and when I need to hear it..
I can't say that I fully understanmd what's going on in my head or my heart but I know about eagle's wings so no point stressing it..
I guess I did ask Him to sort out my head and my heart...I can only truly achieve my Destiny if I defenestrate all the "I" in me and trust with absolutely EVERYTHING..
Lol..That sort of makes me laugh because it's sure more difficult than it sounds..Then, I'm reminded that everything he's promised is within my reach..
Just need to learn to love him with All my heart and soul.In a world where we're increasing learning to use and trust our heads..all I ask for is Grace..
Anyway, mid-revision rambling definitely hepls clear one's head out.lol.Sometimes, its just great to write as one thinks..Who makes the rules anyway?
Anyway, I'm Bullish on Life and Love and all the Great and Amazing things that'll come with it..
I can't see the future but all I can do is capture the past so that I can look back and smile..
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Bad news travels fast..Bad Gossip travels even faster..and the worst thing about it is..We all love it..As long as it has nothing to do with us..
I didn't agree with the concept of the blog but I was too human to leave a chastising message- After all, I had to ponder the indiscretion of my fingers who frequently crept back to the site to read the latest update.
The internet can be an ugly place..Bad gossip can be very entertaining.as long as it doesn't happen to YOU..!
Monday, September 11, 2006
Also found out that there's a Nigerian buka-on -wheels @ Liverpool Street. I had J-rice,fish, plantain and beef..(weird but true). All of this cost me 5 quid..Not bad I must admit..But considering that carbs are bad for you..I doubt If I'm going to be one of her loyal customers..So I'm standing in the queue and a blonde petite girl walks up to Madam Buka and asks her if she sells Thai food? I'm like "try reading the signs"..I guess some people just think that anything post-English pretty much tastes the same..The woman should have sold her some hot efo and ewedu plus amala..And I'm sure she'll never forget the difference..
Anyway, for a second today..I don't think I was very Bullish on Life but all it took was a quick reminder and I'm back on track..
I'm off to a Thai restaurant..I hope don't get served efo when I sit down to dine.lol
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
The last two weeks have been mad in so many ways, so I thank you for building this bridge
SA really isn't all that far..
So I guess I'l be seeing you soon..lol
There's probably so much I'd love to write
But for the sake of simplicity I'll say
Thanks for coming the extra mile(or 3000 miles as the case may be)
Moving on, I'm back at work and I'm ready to take the bull by the horns..
Every now and again, we all resort to making resolutions which we often do not stick to.
Well, this time I've decided to adhere to the rather abridged resolutions I've now set for myself.
As with most of these things, you need to work towards a goal..and therefore need to define what success will mean in that space..
Another year is coming to an end.Where on earth is time flying to?
Last time I checked I was a toddler..lol
I'm bullish on Life and Love and all the Little things that we all take for granted.
God's an artist, so I just love to watch him painting the masterpiece that is my life.
Thats the sole factor that gives method to m madness..
Friday, August 25, 2006
My yardstick for success and happiness is obviously very different from the next mans' but I thank God because he always shows Grace and comes through for me.Funny though that I still remember my tenth birthday with so much clarity.It's intriguing to think about the concept of time and how we can't do anything to slow or quicken its pace..The day will tick away regardless of your mood..In a way, knowing this is almost soothing in itself...One hour will always be sixty minutes which will always be sixty seconds..
Life isn't that consistent..In fact, we've always heard that the only thing constant in life is change.So sometimes I like to focus and enjoy who I am today, harbouring at the back of mind that this will truly affect what I am tomorrow.How? I might not know. But lets just say a dog will never give birth to cats..
Thing is some people think they can only trust themselves..I say you can only trust God because when push comes to shove..even you can disappoint "you"..
Another birthday is going to come and go..I have no idea where I'll be this time next year..All I know is that regret-free, I'll look back and smile..because everyday was part if the process..
Friends come, friends go..Hearts break and mend again..the clock ticks steadfastly away..and Ify will continue to surprise herself and those who care to indulge..
Random happenings aren't always so bad...You just have to keep your head up..otherwise you might miss the moment when that rather random stranger might be looking your way...
Here's to Random happenings and Random moments shared in the most Random of places..
Friday, August 18, 2006
Today will be my last day off..
The summer is officially over
Monday will mark the beginning of a new era..
All I ask is God's Grace..
With him looking down on me..
World domination is imminent..
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
In all fairness, this summer, albeit in a different way, has been very important in its own way..So I suspect when I flip back the history books, this summer will definitely stand its ground in the charts..2002 has probably been the most memorable summer for me, till date ;-)
Anyway, as I look into the not too distant future, I admit that I will have to fight to make my summers count...Trips abroad, sightseeing on London tour buses..whatever..I just won't let this inertia gripping environment take me down with it..You know?
I just don't understand folks that don't travel and don't like Music..(As I speak I'm watching Lick classics on MTV base...some of the songs are taking me back a few summers..Music happens to provide some of the best souvenirs of summers well spent)..
Isn't it weird how some people just vanish from your life? Even weirder how sometimes we don't even notice that these people have gone down under until their name comes up in conversation randomly..Just bizarre how one era ends and another one begins and we just don't know..Can you ascertain the exact moment when you fell in love with Mr or Ms X? Looking back, can you tell when you fell out of love with your ex? Hmm, obviously assuming that you've moved on.Some people still reside in the past..
Life just seems to move on with or without our permission..Summers come and go..Years come and go..Partners come and go as do Friends...All we can do is seize and enjoy the moments so we can look back and smile..On this journey called life, all we can do is make sure we keep on top of the game..Prob a bit calculating..but I sure hope I outgrow more people than outgrow me..It's almost a race..But as long as you know God has your back..you don't have to worry..The race is not always to the swift..
Change is the only element thats constant..so we have to embrace it..Building castles one brick at a time..
Life's what we make of it...It's a beautiful thing...
Monday, August 14, 2006
Apparently, she does not understand why Nigerian men are always full of giant ideas. They have huge ideas and think they can go from paupers to princes in one swift move.Before I had the chance to fully rumminate these comments, she admitted that she did want to move back home- to a big house with a swimming pool..Hmm, so I thought, so maybe its not only the Nigerians who dream big?
Whats a man or woman for that matter without dreams? hopes? etcetera, etcetera....But my question is "When can you identify a dreamer as just that, and nothing more" 32? 35? 38? At what age can you look at a man and say to him..wake up and get a job, you're never going to be president!Well, at least not if you carry on down this path...Most women like security so admittedly, its quite bizarre to handle a 32 year old with zero track record but a head full of lofty ideas.You've never had a job, you didn't do well at school, ok you talk the talk, but when do you start walking the walk...??
In the perfect world, a man with dreams would be perfect companion because every great idea started from a simple dream.But who really wants to get stuffed with a truck full of dreams when there are bills to be paid.?
Anyway, on to this issue of the M&M's..Marriage and Money...
Actually, I'm on the phone with Goose..I'll finish it later!
"It may take you forever to arrive at the place you long to get to, but no one will remember that once you do".
For some bizarre reason, everything time I receive an e-mail from him, I linger a little while on this line, even though I've seen it quite a few times..
Saturday, August 12, 2006
It's a Hard Knock Life for us..lol
Is the glass half full or half empty?
Well, most of us..In my opinion will live our lives out depending on which side of the fence we belong to..
Some people say Mr. Romance is dead...I prefer to think that he's sleeping.
It all depends really..
Take L.A for example..He thinks I'm a difficult, stress-full, emotionally high maintenance sister..and whereas I don't have sufficient data points to prove him utterly wrong..I have evidence that suggests that with the right matrix, I can be part of a composite structure that is both formidable and weather resistant...lol(winking again).
I look at successful people who once upon a time seemed to be no good..and my conclusion still hovers around the fact that you still need to know what side of the fence you belong to..Confidence,self-belief and a strong mind-set you can't buy from Portobello market..Sometimes, I ask myself "Ifeanyichukwu, what is your story??" If one does not have one's story straight in one's head..one is left open for alien infections of all sorts..So when that fine looking brother with the "S" on his chest tells me he thinks I should be more laid back..I'll laugh politely and focus on my story...
Thing is though..some us balance unevenly on the fine line that is called sanity..So it helps to have at least one other person that buys into your story...Now is when the complications mount up..The variables that exist make the equations complex.Great, when you have your family on your side, it sure does make life easier..But somehow, they have to buy your story..so maybe in as much as they count the most...on some angles, you can equate them = negligible(lol, let my mother read that)..
So we spend most our lives trying to balance the following equation
Love+ Value system = Partner + Soul mate
If any one of these blocks are skewed, the equation shifts out of balance..
So, in typical human style...we (ignorantly) look for the balanced(finished) equation..Only to stop and think..Hold on a second..Acid + Alkali= Salt and Water..However,this equation does not start out balanced..You start off with too little salt and gradually, the equation shifts to the right until we achieve the balanced state...And most of all, for all this to happen "Energy(Work)" has to be applied..If energy is not applied, the acid and alkali remain exactly as they are..
In true twenty-first century style, we all want "everything" and we want it now..!!For two individuals to undergo a true merger(and not an acquisition), "Work" needs to be done on both sides..Arguably, sometimes, the "energy" required for some mergers make the whole effort unfeasible and a waste of time..I guess that's where due diligence comes in..Not forgetting the basics, God and common sense..
Everything we have, we will have to work for..Easy come,easy go..That applies to Everything..
So we decide,will it be easier to empty out the rest of the glass or do we just put the work in and fill up the already half-filled glass..
Feel so much better now..
So much so that I'm ready to re-enter my world now..
Still something missing though..
Still can't place my finger on it.
I'm 24 in two weeks.
Still don't feel a day over 19..lol
Hmm, I'm quietly excited..
Soon...The aunts and uncles are going to start asking for my other half.
I have more than a dozen distasteful retorts for any mis-probing questions..
Do they think I'm sitting with my hands crossed doing nothing?
Actually, thats exactly what I'm doing..lol
After all,he needs to get his head straight and convince me..(she winks)
No fun when it's the other way round..
Anyway, new year, new job..
Seems like a good time to stuff in some resolutions..
Watch This Space..
Thursday, July 27, 2006
I quit GS and decided it was time to test the waters..What can I say? I'm truly blessed and I'm starting with Macquarie in August. Didn't have a job when I left GS but I know the God that I serve- I wouldn't/couldn't be left hanging..
So now- back to the summer..Spent some of last week @ the Big apple...did some shopping, sightseeing et al and came back.
Now, I discover that I'm a bit of a workaholic- I miss being at work.Most of my friends are at work-Thank God for Toby Martins, she's been my comrade so far..and I couldn't have asked for better really..
So, today..I'm sitting at home, with absolutely nothing to do.I'm sure I have a to-do list lying around somewhere but I'm in a sorry state of inertia..and it's so HOT!!
Oh yes and I lost my phone AND all my contacts so reaching out is that much more difficult..I hear you ask: What do you want to tonight? All I can say is: " I NEED someone to creatively take me on a date.." Dinner and a movie will not cut it today..Why are guys these days so conventional? What happened to the guys who used to be interesting and creative? Shoot! Maybe it's me? Have I morphed into this un-pleasable being? I doubt it? But I just have so many questions unanswered. The summer is perfect! I have time off work! In fact, I'm being paid to have time off work..and no its not a holiday..Some people would say I have it all..On second thoughts, I think I do..I Thank God for the amazing opportuntity he has given me..
I think I'm going to go for a swim..
Friday, May 12, 2006
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Life has a way of throwing the weirdest things at you.How can anybody say there's no God?? We live and we learn and we continue to ask for Grace..
Nobody knows how long we're here to stay. But we have no choice but to life to the fullest.
Life is a hustle. You need God on your side
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Quiet but far from silent
Thoughts constantly racing through my head
Ideas not stopping to take in air
Yes, its 2006 and I'm going to be 24 this year
For once in my life I'm stable
Man trouble , a thing of the past
Yes, they come and go
But they need to come and go..
I never forget though..
After all a person is the sum total of her memories..
But I'm loving the peace in my heart, the tranquillity of my Spirit
I feel..I feel..almost like God is preparing for something unique
I smell it in the air..feel it in my bones.
But remain absolutely clueless as to what it is..
But when it does come, whatever "it" is..It won't be a second late..
And I'll be ready..after all God is on the throne..
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
I feel the need to stop and reminsce cos there's no point fighting it.
We might have come to the end of the road.
Maybe the powers that be will mean that our winds regain on a collision path..
But in the eventuality that this one is for good..
I'll have to stop and reminisce cos there's no point fighting it.
We might have come to the end of the road..
Memories abound in my head and my heart..
I still smile when I hear your favourite tunes, but after all said and done
I'll have to stop and reminisce cos there's no point fighting it.
We might have come to the end of the road..
You'll always have a part of me, frozen and kept unfazed by time
Now and again I'll look into our book and
I'll have to stop and reminisce cos there's no point fighting it.
We might have come to the end of the road..
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Saturday, January 07, 2006
New Dreams, desires..you name it.
Only God can tell what the year will have in store..
But he judiciously keeps it a secret
I'm thankful for last year and the years before that
But I look forward to what the years beyond me will hold..
Joys,Tears..and all the Rollercoaster rides that come along..
As the book of events unknown begins to undoubtedly unfold..
I look on in anticipation..
Living and trying to love every second as it whizzes pass..
After all, the alternative would be unbearable..