Friday, May 27, 2005

And Then..

I hear her calling out to me
Teasing like I'm a teenager on heat
I silently ignore her..
Hoping, praying she'll come right out to me
Temptation's cruelly got me stuck in a corner
I wander the streets daily, preparing for my bride
Turtlenecks have been stashed away
Come witness the unleashing of the sexy, little, numbers
Gym cards and Salads
Linen pants and spaghetti straps
Maybe today she'll toast me with her presence
Hallelujah, the summer's here!


As the clock ticks steadily away
She peers back to the past
Wandering in nostalgic amazement
At the pregnant moments conceived
That have been allowed to prematurely sublime into subversivity
Perturbations in her head born from whispers of tales untold
Serve as souvenirs of all the should be's, could be's would've been's
And as she casts her gaze around her now
Her subconscious quickening from a thought in the making
She vows to seize this memory ,with all that she's worth
Looking at her reflection, she erupts into a smile
Because she knows from now on, she'll live one day at a time


Shhh..Your whispers awaken the voices within me
I've spent too long trying to quell these emotions shouting from inside me
Hidden in your subtle words are keys,
Smoothly unlocking the defences that skilfully protect me
It's the little things you do than undo me
Like the kiss on my cheek,
Or the way you take my hand when we're crossing the street
All I know is the world that surrounds me
Now, you threaten to bring it apart
What will remain when your science unnerves me?
Tell me please or let me be me.

Thursday, May 19, 2005


Hello, who's on the line? I asked in a tone of mounting impatience…Still, all I could hear was silence. Usually, I would hang up..But it was a warm summer afternoon, the skies were blue, the drop-tops were on parade, and I was doing nothing, absolutely bored out of my brains..

I raised the pitch of my voice..I can hear breathing, "you might as well say something"? I barked into the phone. Next thing I heard was a click on the other end..I sighed in disappointment.."Another wasted phone call"..I whispered to myself, realising that I was waiting on a phone call from somebody, anybody to save me from this imposed state of inertia I found myself in..

MTV Base were playing the same old songs, my house was empty, and I was yearning for some activity..Scrolling down the names on my rather trendy 7610 for probably the seventh time that afternoon..E.F..G..M..still nobody sprang to mind..I was lingering on a 'P" entry when my phone burst out with the ever so familiar tune I loved to hear..Private Number, Hello? My voice slightly more receptive than it was the last time..I could hear somebody clearing their throat on the other end of the line..I could tell it was a guy..hmm, interesting, these things seemed to happen so much more in the summer..Anyway, he decided to say "Hi".."Can I speak to X, please?" I thought, what a lousy entrée..however, I said " Speaking" in the chirpiest voice I could muster..

The conversation that ensued was quite suprising..This stranger seemed cool, calm, charismatic ,even. It was almost as though he knew the right things to say, and my, his timing was perfect.We talked for three long hours…about almost everything..and nothing at all..He hadn't told me that much about his life, and obviously, neither had I..I was living on the edge, this could be a stalker, weirdo..even a murderer..I laughed at the weird images being conjured up in my head..Whatever..I thought, I was bored..and he must be an angel sent to save me from tearing my hair out..

Hmm,I wanted to speak to this guy another day..I had to give him something that'll make him come back for more..Afterall, men were hunters weren't they? I needn't have worried though..He had just asked if he could call me back the day after..I summoned up my hesitant voice."If you want to"..I muttered, meaning ..You had better call me,and ASAP!!

The next eighteen nights were spent speaking to this stranger night after night, three, sometimes four hours a night..By this time, I had started to wonder what he looked liked, Tall? Cute? Dark?.I hoped he'd be all these things, although something reminded me .."If it's too good to be true, it probably is"!!..I couldn't even tell my friends I was hooked by a guy whose face I had never seen..I would be made the laughing stock of the season..I decided that it was time to put an end to this nonsense..I would ask him on the date the next time he called me..I couldn't call him..I had told him that I didn’t want to have his number..

One weekend I was.waiting for my stranger on the middle of Putney bridge(cliché right? It wasn't my suggestion, really..It wasn't!)..We agreed to wear pink shirts just for the sake of it..So anyway..standing right bang of what I perceived to be the centre of this bridge, I looked around for a tall, dark, hunk of a guy..Nothing..I took my shades off..and still nothing..Collecting my thoughts, maybe he was late, maybe he was lost..Oh, I was such a fool..IF this ever got out..Maybe this was a prank??

Then my phone rang..It was the legendary "Private number"..My heart skipped a bit.I said hello..He asked me turn around..ok..STOP..I told myself..did I really want to do this? I knew if I didn't like what I saw, that would be the end of it..I mean..What would be the point??I felt him behind me, his eyes piercing a hole in my brand new,pink,Diesel top..I knew he could sense my hesitation..He had proven he could read me like a book..I wanted to swing round, but I just couldn't..Suddenly, I felt his hands around my waist..Hmm, Firm,,I could see his shadow on the ground beside me..good, he was taller than I was..He drew me to him..I blushed..My head rested involuntarily on his chest..Firm again..I closed my eyes..Now, I didn't care what he looked like..

I turned around with my eyes closed..I leant up to give him a hug..Wait..his hair felt different..Shocked, I opened my eyes..My guy was white..The blood rushed away from my brains..I was confused and clueless for a split second..He leant over and whispered a few words in my ear..I cracked up, put my hand in his and walked into the sunset..

It's been Five years of bliss…Of course we have our arguments differences, etc, etc..But I know he loves me, and I love him too..He cries harder when I cry, laughs even louder when I laugh..He's a guy's guy though..Can't talk when AC Milan is on TV..Won't let me watch Desperate Housewives in the weekend..But he never lets me forget that he's mine..I wanted Romance, Peace,A cute guy to call my own..He's oozes charisma, the most intelligent man I've met..He might not be the Dark guy I had wanted, but who cares? All that was in the past..

One last thing how did he get my number..Ahh..My friends knew all along!!

Monday, May 16, 2005

Truly Something

LOL.I'm in love..!! Truly, yes I am..Question is "Who is the object of this publicly professed affection".Hmm, maybe it would be best to delete the "who",and replace it with "what"..

Last night, I went to see John Legend perform at the Shepherd's Bush Empire..As this stunner's voice saturated the crowded auditorium. I was almost moved to tears..We're just ordinary people, we don't know which way to go..I had to close my eyes at one point, and feel the music penetrating my flesh, his voice consuming my being..Wow, I was out of breath..Sing, sing sing..

Song after song, he took me higher, higher..I knew I would dread the fall..Then he did it..So high..Lets go to the place where only lovers go…to a spot that we've never the top of the clouds we're floating away..Ooh.this feels so crazy..Ohh this love is blazing..Baby, we're soo high..Walking on cloud 9…Cloud 9, Surely I was higher..This man's piano was one with his voice..Just as I thought, his voice had reached its threshold, he would break yet another sound barrier..

I was afraid to open my eyes..the images conjured before me were provoking emotions in me that I didn't know existed..And we can't get much closer to God than where we are..My, Surely some day..Opening my eyes to the thousands of couples who were probably thinking that they were as close to God as they could possibly get,did not me..

In the midst of all this confusion, I realise that I too am in love with Music..I find that when I'm down, ecstatic, lonely, bored..I turn on my stereo, shed a tear or two.and I'm alive and kicking..The notes reach far beyond into corners only a guy would dream of..LOL..I'm so in love..An evening in with Boyz 2 men, Joe,Indie Arie, John Legend and Tupac can do more for me than most people can imagine..!! I go through all the motions, in just one night..Pain, Glee, Rage..Love..Beautiful really..Or is it on a Sunday morn, when the choir are ministering to my undoubtedly sinful soul..but there's something so serene and pure, even, about voices crying out to unison..No pride, no cynicism, just me, bringing all I have and am worth to his the music plays..

Last night was truly something..I was reminded that Friends come and friends go..Storms rise and winds blow..But one thing I know for sure..When it's cold outside..There's no need to worry cuz..I'm so warm inside..Music give me peace..When the storm's outside..Cuz we're in love I know..It'll be alright..Alright it's alright..

Monday, May 09, 2005

In The End

Love me, love me. Please never leave me. I overheard Miss White whisper to a man whose name will always remain a mystery. Being the busybody that I am, I stopped dead in my tracks..waiting silently for the man I had come to know as Mr A to reply..He said nothing.Pause ,sniff, sniff..and still nothing.Thoughts are racing through my head..Can he not hear her heart crying out to him? I could feel her pain piercing through the surprisingly warm autumn night..i wish I hadn’t stopped..Darn, why am I so nosy..I almost slapped myself, but decided that the ground didn’t look like it was willing to swallow me if I was caught intruding on thos rather awkward moment..Finally, I heard a rich baritone (women have always been suckers for a charmer) utter the words that would change my life forever.." You knew the deal from the start, I never lied to you."He stressed the word "Never"..At that point, I risked it, and ran all the way to my bed.
That night I thought, One score and two years I’ve been here,..and I’m still Ignorant..That night,I vowed to turn a new leaf..Tomorrow would be a new beginning. No more would I be meek like the lamb. I cried for Miss White and cursed at the countless Mr. A’s I knew were out there..Tomorrow, I will become a Lion.Strong, fierce..King of the Jungle, feared by all, and respected by many…I looked around me now,and I all I could see was fear..Fear that led to failure, rejection, poverty, pain..No, not I sir..I will prowl the world, seeking my prey, and taking what I will by force.,.Try me, anyone who dares..Noone can stop me, noone.not even him..I look at the picture ripped to bits, littered on my beautiful cashmere rug..Life’s not fair, but I refuse to be taken prisoner..I reflect for a moment on all those that have caused me pain in the past,and I vow to have my revenge..
This morning was the start of a new me..Fearless, I go about my daily chores.. I feel free from all the chains that held me down. Liberated from the emotions that tortured me..I don’t care any more..I hear Kelis blasting from my you care? Oh no..Do you care? Oh no..
Then…as I’m walking home after a long, hard fear-free day..I see a couple walking by..He says he loves her..She says "I love you too"..She’s holding some flowers..They’re both wearing rings..I sigh..I almost made it..Before I go to bed that night, I shed yet again my newly acquired skin..Maybe tomorrow I’ll be an owl..