Raindrops

Raindrops on my window sill
The world around deceptively melting away
I'm warm underneath my absorbing covers..So
Let it Rain..
Let it Rain..

After all, after this comes the sun..
Everything'll better than it once was.
My world'll become a brighter place..So
Let it Rain..
Let it Rain.

I'll send out a dove to explore the horizons
She'll guide me through the seasons of change.
But soon she'll find my oasis..So
Let it Rain
Let it Rain..

It's freezing
I'm a tropical being..
I feel the need to hibernate..
Naija where are you???

Silent Thoughts..

You reinspire me
Undeniably..
(Breathe...)

So remarkably
you rekindle me
Tirelessly
(Sigh...)

So contentedly..
Generously..
I give you everything
(Smile...)

When I look at you..
Quietly..
I think..
(Wow..)

And it the end..
It does all really matter..
I can't wait to look back and smile..
The world is ours..
What to do with it now?

Act 2

Music's playing in the background..
The tune's so rich..
Goose Pimples..
Something expodes..
Everything's quiet..
She steps beside herself..
Speechless..
Silent..
Suffice to say..
Words are useless..
Curtain falls..
Enough..

And again..

I feel a knot in my insides
Something's not right..
I've learnt to trust my insticts.
They prove right..again and again..
The ability of man to disappoint is one that
Intrigues me again and again..
Sometimes, I cant even trust myself to
do whats right for me..
I find myself on that road again..
Where I need to contemplate the pits
That may lie so incospicuosly before me.
But then again, history has proven that
I'm not the most rational of people..
But trying telling that to a clamp..
I've seen it unfold in my head.
The pessimist that I can be..
I dare you to prove me wrong.
Besides,I know the rules..
Most of them written in stone..
I could ramble forever.
All I know is one thing..
Something's not right..
Alarm bells are ringing in my head..

Stranger in our midst..

Stranger in our midst..
Where have you come from?
Three nightfalls ago,as we dined under the moon's light..
You became us
And we became you...
...and for a split second, for a moment in time..
Everything was perfect..just as it should be..
As we linked hands under the moon's embrace,
In acceptance of the path laid before us..
It all made sense..
And one cannot help but wonder?
What if our stranger had chosen a different path?
What if we had moved on too soon?
Before the doubts threaten to ruin the harmony..
We are reminded..
All is as it should be..

Sometimes, I wonder where I learnt the art of saying so much, yet revealing little or nothing?
When I think about the thoughts et al which I have never shared with a soul..I marvel..
But then again, I've learnt to be my own best friend..
Perhaps, one day I'll trust another enough..
To bare my soul and unburden my heart..

Oh..

Sometimes I want out of this struggle..
The constant battle to validate oneself.
Can result in mental fatigue in more ways than one..
The thing is you dare not forget
Cos the race will go on with or without you..

Sometimes I feel the need to sleep and dream for awhile..
Waking up, seemingly painful..
However inevitable it might seem..
The thing is you dare not oversleep.
Procrastination is only a short term remedy..

Too many questions running around in my head..
Cross roads converging to assumedly taunt me..
Sods law up and running as smoothly as usual.
Where do I go from here?
And what happens next?

In times like these, I hope on "The Rock"
He's all that's left...
Besides the fickleness of man..
Grant me the serenity..oh God.
I pray daily.Amen again and again..

Funny how Time flies..
But when you think about it..
We also change so much in so little time..
God grant me the serenity.

What's in a song?

Tonight, I sing a new song
Simply because tomorrow brings with it a new tune..
I think back to old chords, sung and unsung.and I appreciate
Because my History is part of who I am and who I will be someday.
And as I close the book of things past
To allow it rest on the shelves where dust resides.
Don't be fooled..Because I do it
Nostalgically but willingly..
But that was a moment ago.
As I look to the future..
Thoughts of new tunes come to my mind
And I grow a spring in my step.
I hold my head up high..
I throw a whistle to the wind.
I'm not looking back,that's for sure.

What will I bring?
When the trumpets consume me?

Who will I hold?
When the sea rages before me?

Who will I send?
To the corners that hide me?

Surely, as the sun rises from the west and sets in the east..
I know you will come..

Time?

This whole concept of "Time" utterly intrigues me.We listen to songs that preach "Do not let time pass you by", etc etc etc..Then we have the ones that say "Seize the moments" or even the random timeless quotes like "Time waits for no man".Needless to say that time is something that we all take for granted..Some people spend their lives hurrying and scurrying away, trying to hit theit "mirage" type targets..and they forget to lets say "Seize the moments"..Others, spend too much time analyzing and dwelling on the moments,which means that time continually eludes them..

But surely all this is subjective..Even the bible says that a 1000 years can be like one day to God, and vice versa..So maybe we measure our concept and perception of time relative to one another and our society at large..

I think sometimes about being in the "City Rat Race" makes you forget about what is important.That five minutes during the day spent on the phone to someone you love..that unexpected visit with flowers from someone who cares.these are not time consuming per say but provide memories that last a lifetime..

Reality is T:ime will wait for no one..We all have to ask for wisdom to do the right things at the right time..

I can't change yesterday..21:55 on the 25th October, 2005 is now a record in nature's eternal history book..I can afect 22:i5, and that's what is important..One miniscule "move" can alter the course of your life forever..

Sometimes I think about coincidence and how random moments in one's life line up to result in a seemingly thought out end.Weird..but I guess all things work together for the good of those that love him..

After all, the only factor constant in life is "change"..

OIA

The best things in life are free...
The past few weeks have been a dream
I want to appreciate right here and now..
Cos one day, you'll need to know

If

If you could hold me and whispher in my ears.
What would you say?

If you could write me a song.
What would words spring to mind?

If my life depended on it..
Would you give it?

If our love was a lie..
Would you leave?

Hey..

It only takes a fraction of a second to bring me closer to you..
Strangers as we once were,oblivious as the wind.
And now in one, inexplicable moment..
The script is rewritten..
The cast is replaced.
Cynical as I am, I daren't forget that I've been down this road before..
But somewhere, somehow..
This is different.
It seems like forever since I last went down this road..
Youthful exuberance means that we forget the lessons we've learnt..
But who cares..
As long as we're together..
In this world and the next
This is the stuff that dreams are made of

Another Fri night in London

So its another Friday night, and the cycle is ending where it has begun. I haven't seen my phone in almost twenty-four hours, and It hasn't been a thing..This Fri night was amazing though..Saw the World,or at least some of it from the London Eye..then walked down the embankment,sauntering to the sounds of the keys being struck by this woman and her piano..Had the most amazing dinner as well..All in all, I appreciate a night well spent..especially compared to many a night that have been spent brooding and delirious (maybe ~I'm slightly exaggerating)..

Merci beaucoup...

Here's to many more chilled ones..

African Art

So I went to the Sainbury’s Gallery at the British Museum today….I was confronted by an array of mixed emotions. On one hand, I was proud..Proud to be African, particularly Nigerian..As I listened to the curator narrate the colourful tales behind some of the art work (metal work, pottery, bronze sculptures, fabrics, modern art), I was drawn back to the days when Benin and Ife were Empires to reckon with..When the Kings were worshipped not because they were corrupt but because it was as assumed not only that they were chosen by the gods, but they were stronger than all other men and animals..The bronze work from Benin told tales of a time when we were the centre of trade,when men were men, and when values were engraved in stone..When I looked upon those pieces, I not only saw the beauty, but I appreciated the time, precision, hard work, patience, commitment that went into these amazing carvings (for want of a better word).

Then what about the history behind these pieces..I felt ashamed for not knowing more.As I listened to this stranger talk so passionately about “a people” whose blood run through my veins…I felt like I had not done enough..Our heritage is being diluted as we pass from generation to generation, and there’s not much being done about it..Ok, we study history at school, but all is soon forgotten..Even worse for those who are raised here..they don’t stand a chance..You look at the sophisticated and expertly moulded pottery. Every marking tells a tale of a time that was..These people were strong, they had knowledge, they were doctors, albeit traditional medicine..You had to appreciate the intricacy of the designs on the knives..Forget the samurai sword, we have even better…Apparently, these weirdly shaped knives were so valuable, they were used as currency in those days..The world is full of sob stories of Africa being deprived and backwards..but we need to take these stories with a pinch of salt.. We need to appreciate where we’ve come from to understand how far we can go..

I think I felt some pangs of anger..Angry that we had so much taken from us..then I felt stupid because I know that these pieces of “evidence” would not have existed if they were left in our care..

But after all said and done..I learnt a lot tonight, and I hope I just don’t leave it there..

,,,

There's so much to live for..
I love being reminded of this..
the world is full of so much beauty..
So much to see,to learn..to absorb..
And when I find one who shares these passions..
Surely the world will be our oyster..

French Thoughts

So, this girl is rounding up a weekend in France. I've been in Paris, beautiful as usual..but I've spent the day exploring Fontableau, Baxtine, and a few other villages whose names escape me..Wow..is all I can say..I've been dreaming all day..I've seen the ideal castle for my wedding..yep.just as I've dreamed it..I've enjoyed french cuisine..had loads of rest..and even partied in one of these "chateaus"(not sure if the plural is represented like that)..

But now it's time for me to come home...I love going away..but I'm always happy to return to London Heathrow or Gatwick as the case may be..

I'm quite sentimental so its not long before i start missing my family, friends, and even the English weather..home is where the heart is..

LOL..What can I say??

Rantings

Who can guess the silent thoughts that invade my mind?
Who can imagine the silent cravings that consume my mind.?
Who dare anwser to the silent calls that escape my lips?
I wonder?
The answers lie beyond..

It's good to finally have things worked out in my head..
I know what I want..and there's going to be no compromise..
LOL..sure feels good..sure feels good..

Life Goes On

One minute a guy is your friend.
Next thing he starts to like you..
Then you push him away..
Two years later, you're still friends.
You know he still likes you..
A year from then, he smells the coffee.
He gets engaged, and you're not phased.
He gets married, and you raise an eyebrow..
Then he has a kid..And you're like wow.
The nail sinks in, HE's GONE..

So, you know your ex still loves you..
These feelings are not mutual.
Somewhere in sub-zero though...
You think you still have a stake...
Ok, he can't seem to keep a girl..
You're like wow..
When he's going to be over you?
You seem him out, once in a while..
Chemicals reacting at 98 deg celsius.
You call each other once in a while..
And pretend that all's well.
You're single, so is he..
All's good, at least on the surface..
You wake up one day to find him married..
Wow, shock, horror and more shock.
Another One Bites The Dust..

The train will move with or without you...If you hang on..you might get trampled..

Memories

We are a sumtotal of the memories we possess..We are born as templates, and the memories that we accumulate begin to define us..mould us almost..Imagine for a split second that one contacted amnesia..Your world would be blank..You don't know you're supposed to be beautiful, smart, loved, etc etc etc..You lose your benchmark, your rationale..The only reason we miss the "dead" is because we "remember" ..

Sometimes I think I live my life by this "rack up the memories" approach.. almost..As long as I have God, and he makes me sensible..then I can enjoy today..and look forward to tomorrow...

Sometimes we meet someone new,and we are so preoccupied by the future that we forget to enjoy "today".Brings me back to FEAR..

All things work together for the good of those that love him..so I'll catch my trips today, take what I can get..and let tomorrow work itself out..(Ha..or so I keep telling myself)

What if? Nah, never mind..

One Sunday Morning

The message today can only be described as inspirational.. To receive the abundant blessings we think we deserve from God..we have to change our paradigms..We can all think we are "saved" but if our minds are not renewed, and we have not changed our paradigms..

And this thing about fear...What is actually the worst thing that can happen? I'm going to choose not to be afraid of whatever, whenever it comes...

Because really..What is the worst that can happen..especially whrn I have THE ONE on my side..

This has been one of the most amazing days I've had for a while..a very long while..I thank God for making it just right..and I thank "you" for making it mem orable..:-) I raise a glass to you!!

Life's full of surprises...

October is Black History Month

I guess it's time to remember..appreciate..
and maybe time to return some of our antiques and ancient artwork to us...LOL..

October- First

I wonder if I'll be celebrating with the rest today..
I've lived one score and three so one can argue that I don't get the full picture.
I come from a land flowing with milk and honey..
A Canaan pregnant with God's promises..
But what do my people do..?
We all want the finest things and we want them NOW..
We ship away the raw materials for almost nothing and import the finished products for prices that make my heart bleed..
Our men our strong, smart, proud..the best in the land..
But I think it's time to stop selling our birthrights for a lousy mess of porridge.
Europe has nothing.No Gold,hardly any Oil..No Diamonds..
Africa has it ALL..
It's time to PUT a stop to this curse..
It's time to learn from the past and look to the future.
I want my kids to be proud of their land,their culture, their heritage..
I want to turn on CNN, and see the West coming to Africa to suck up and beg..
Look at China,oh, look at China..
They've crept up on the world and taken us all by surprise..
The biggest organisations are queuing up to mop up their feet.
The Giants of the World begged for years just to have them revalue their currency..even marginally..

Nigeria can argue that it is young..but I say accepting that "age" is subjective in itself..Oh wow.We "gained" our independence in 1960..
We still have not gained jack..Our leaders still have to go and grovel at the feet of the G7 every now and again..

Yes, and why we might all have grand plans for change and revolution..Lets all plant mustard seeds..If you've ever seen them, they are small and almost insignificant, but when they grow..You should see the mighty trees they become.

If we all planted mustard seeds..In our children, in our friends, in our communities, in our enemies..

Lets root out greed, jealousy, and all the things that divide a nation..We all need a VISION.."The African Dream"..I don't subscribe to tribalism..why be just from Delta, when I can be Nigerian.and why be just Nigerian when I can be American..

It's easy to go for talks and have fancy ideas, etc, etc..but our homes are still full of cobwebs..Don't marry this, don't marry that..WHAT?? Marriage is one of the strongest tools that we have..Maybe if more of the Hutus had intermarried the Tootsies, we could have stoppped a major African disaster..which the world never really cared about..I guess they don't have diamonds or oil in Rwanda..

I'm a sucker for a "well-spoken brother"..I can't even lie...Fine boys can only go so far with me..And that's cos we all need a voice..How can you expect to get listened to when you can't string words together intelligently? Come on?

Even in London, we don't have a voice.The 419..ners, and the "Odu" boys have managed to steal the spotlight..All the eloquent, well-educated boys are happily chilling in the background..content with their "local" achievements..RUBBISH..Even worse, some of them are no longer "Afrcan".. They think they're now British..LOL..Some people are just ignorant..Yes,I was born here, and yes I have a "BRITICO" passport..and my mum and her mum were born here..but the blood flowing through our veins have come from some "cute" village in Nigeria :-)

And that's why to some extent, I repsect African Americans..they recognise that there's a problem..and that's a good place to start..

It's time to stop thinking that having a couple of mansions in VGC, a cook, and a dog
is enough to see us through..The world is shrinking,and we need a VOICE...before we pale into total insignificance..

But we have hope..I mean we're invading the Investment Banks, the Law firms, the Oil Companies..Mustard seeds, all of these are..after all, a "VOICE" needs some sort of authenticity..Trevor Macdonald came to GS the other day..and my, what a voice..An over-suscribed event where people even had to stand silently as his voice infiltrated the auditorium..Imgaine what that kind of "POWER" can do

As we all toast to Nigeria's "independence"..lets not forget that we haven't really achieved that much..So please don't get intoxicated..there's still TOO much work to be done.

Am I Random or what?.

LOL.It just takes one LOOK from the right person to change the dynamics of a neutral equation.! Ha, so then comes the chemical inbalance, the butterflies in the stomach.the daydreams at night..Time apparently heals all wounds, cleanses all fears and reveals all secrets.Well, my headache has subsided..and TIME spent in bed has been well appreciated..The world certainly looks different when you're out on a week day..So ok,I haven't given my number to a guy for AGES..Wow..for TIME..actually..Hmm, something has to give..It's just that I'm not in the mood for the random dinner date with the random guy who has random things to say..But you just never know..You know what? What? It's time to be RANDOM..TIME spent doing RANDOM things might just prove to be interesting..Right..Random act (1)..I'm going to Paris weekend after next..There's a James Bond Ball I've been invited to and I'll be needing a frock..How much does BA charge for flights to Paris these days?..Ha..My Parisian friends will definitely be shocked.Who would have thought..That Random lines written from Random thoughts on a Random day would lead me on to a Random trip weekend after next..I must be RANDOM..Ha!

Awwww

Awwww..We still have some really sweet folks in this world..Really makes all the difference.. Thanks..;-)

After thought

I've been ill for a couple of days now, and I still managed to make it into work..somewhere between eight and nine last night..It dawned on me, that "this work" will surely go on if something rather unfortunate happened to me tomorrow..

I've refocused and for the first time in my life..I've called in sick..Your life is your own..God has given you the responsibility to look after your self.If you don't look after number one..NOBODY will..

I have so much to be thankful for..and so much more to live for..

I am so tired..mind and body...Only my soul stays resilient..
What I would do for a..............

Please wake me, I'm dreaming

Please wake me when the sun decides to wander to the east
Don't leave me wading in this determined uncertainty
Lie by my side and watch me smile
As I move rhythmically to the tune in my dreams
I feel the warmth from your breath and the strings in your heart
Leave your arms tightly wrapped around my resonating form
Don't let go before the nightmare hunters get me
Stroke my hair so my unconscious revels in your presence
But when it's morning and you have to leave
Please wake me, I don't want to keep on dreaming..

There is a some kind of clarity that one gets from spending time alone, pondering..It's truly amazing.But then you also have to deal with the harsh realities, and that's not easy either. I'm increasingly enjoying weekends where I just spend time with me, myself and I. It's almost like I'm chilling in a different world..and then maybe my phone rings, and I get confused for the split second before I say "hello"..This weekend I've realised two things..Being young is an invaluable resource..All you need to do is dream it, and it's possible... I've also learnt that you have to take this whole "friendship" thing with a pinch of salt.GOD is the only one who's forever unchanging, forever reliable, forever loving..Putting your trust in any thing in human form is clearly asking for trouble..I can't even trust myself to do what I think I will when I think i will..But it all comes with the territory.
I think I'm going to go visit an old friend tonight..I'm in the mood to reminisce, so I think a visit to the past is quite in order..Being human, I ought to be home by midnight..

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?
All depends, all depends..

G K I N A G M W N W T H S W M..

Amen..

Where does the Human Brain meet the Human Heart?

For some bizarre reason, I found myself pondering this today. How far does the brain go before the heart takes over? Or do they always preside simultaneously? I mean I can list countless instances where basic reasoning told me to get off certain paths I was headed down..But my heart just wouldn't concur..So I guess I can say that in the past,my "heart" ruled over my "head.".

Increasingly I can feel my Brain fighting back to gain control..to be the one that declares the last word..Getting older? wiser? or perhaps more paranoid? I m starting to think that sometimes the obvious is so obvious that we ignore it.Lessons in "attention to detail " perhaps?

So what about the "Zero tolerance vs Compromise" argument. I actually admire girls that strive for the former..Being the route with more risk, does it translate to producing greater rewards?

So maybe its all a jigsaw puzzle..If it clicks..amazing...Otherwise, mayhem..Sometimes it almost clicks, but not quite..But instead of listening to our "Brains"..We use our "hearts", "compromise" and try and squeeze into fit..Almost like trying to fit into those shoes that fit, but not quite..Thing is we don't know the difference until we try on another pair of shoes that are just right...Then it dawns on us how un-right that other pair was.

If you go home with the "almost right" pair of shoes, because they were beautiful, sexy and all that good stuff..How long before you give them up in lieu of the pair that you know are just right?OR maybe "compromise" comes in now that you've tried, tested and bought the shoes?

Ok,too much talk about shoes..If it doesn't fit, jump out the boat and try again..You just might find that there's plenty of God-fearing,well-groomed, intelligent, witty, attractive, ambituous fish in the sea...OR you might end up with an empty net...


But at least you tried..surely you cannot lose points for that?
If your heart gets broken,Toni Braxton can always come to your rescue.................................................................

I know, too many questions...???????????????

An ode to a piece of my furniture...

It's always the little things that you do that have touched me the most. Like fighting to keep awake just cos I have something to say..or asking me how I am the exact moment I'm thinking nobody cares.What about cooking me breakfast while I'm smiling and snoring away..or holding my hand when I'm crosisng the street..

I'm writing this because like all human beings I forget..So when I'm ungrateful, and you're starting to think the worst of me..I just want you to know that in the long run..I'll never forget...Gracias

The Simple Things..

I thought love at first sight was one for story books..until IT happened to my friend...In a WEEK, she has completely undergone some kind of transformation.Her eyes are glimmering, and It's so clear that something has changed..Whatever it is, I hope it is here to stay..

Funny thing is If I didn't know this girl, I wouldn't have believed a word of it...But hey, I'm buying it..

Life should be about valuing the moments,cherishing the good ones, and working through the not so good ones..In the midst of all this paranoia, fear and walls..IT's absolutely refreshing to hear the one simple, "happy" story.

Nice one Girl!!

I read a piece today that made me smile. Today, I want to be content.

Sisters...

Some of the people that make it happen for me..The girls in my life..Enough Love..

The best things in life are free

I woke up on a different side of my bed this morning. Watching ROOTS this weekend left me feeling somewhat mixed up and almost confused. But as I closed my eyes last night, I contemplated the word "FREEDOM". If God has given us the freedom to choose between right and wrong, how can anybody else deny us?Ok, admittedly, the "Kunta Kinte" days are far behind us, or are they really?? Are we slaves to money, other people's ideals, perceptions? Are we slaves to our friends, our jobs, our minds, our families?I don't know if I can honestly answer this question.Some may argue that it's about maintaining a balance.Others may say that the end justifies the means..Maybe in order to appreciate freedon, we all have to be slaves at certain points in our lives.But if you know you have a choice, maybe it makes all the difference?

Freedom is probably a relative term..We're all tied to something or the other..Maybe that's where contentment comes in...

The only thing constant in this life is change..
So Lord, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..
Like the thoughts in my head, the screams in my heart.
But please also grant me the wisdom to change the things that I can..
Like the words of my mouth.
The actions from my being..
And as to knowing the difference, Lord how you reveal that is left to you..

So you think you know me?Do you?
And you know you love me..Do you?
Well, the feeling is NOT mutual..
So please get off my back..

So what if your worst fears come to pass?
Nothing is ever as bad as it really seems
So, go ahead I dare you..
Really I do..
Whatever happens, I know I'll have the last laugh..

Maybe tomorrow....

Lord, when I sleep will you surround me?
Keep me warm when the world’s freezing over?
Feed me when I hunger for more than just food?
Tell me father, Show me…
I find that I often keep my trust away from you
And I seek the very things that shun your heart.
But you still love me, keep me, guide me…
All I can say is thank you
For my yesterday, today, and most of all, tomorrowThank God for Grace, and the fact that you see my heart

Funny how compliments find a way of worming their way into our hearts..
You’re beautiful. Stop, Smile, Blush…
I really think you look good tonight..Stop again, Lower your eyelids, Smile.
But the crux of the matter is you know you look good because you made the effort..
Spent time at the salon, picked out your clothes carefully, and checked the mirror to see that all was good..
Tell me something I don’t know, give me content spontaneously spewed forth from your heart..then maybe, maybe..
I might break out and smile.
After all, you didn’t make me beautiful, God did!

For some reason,today, I feel inexplicably alone, stuck in transit between two worlds
Neither of which I understand well enough to float..
I feel sorry for myself, something which I just can’t understand..
The easy solution is to find a man..
But reason and wisdom tell me that I should wait till he finds me..
And until such a time should come to pass
I’ll be praying, hoping he doesn’t lose his way..
Thing is tomorrow, I’ll be fine againHappy to go around just being me

And Then..

I hear her calling out to me
Teasing like I'm a teenager on heat
I silently ignore her..
Hoping, praying she'll come right out to me
Temptation's cruelly got me stuck in a corner
I wander the streets daily, preparing for my bride
Turtlenecks have been stashed away
Come witness the unleashing of the sexy, little, numbers
Gym cards and Salads
Linen pants and spaghetti straps
Maybe today she'll toast me with her presence
Hallelujah, the summer's here!

Alas

As the clock ticks steadily away
She peers back to the past
Wandering in nostalgic amazement
At the pregnant moments conceived
That have been allowed to prematurely sublime into subversivity
Perturbations in her head born from whispers of tales untold
Serve as souvenirs of all the should be's, could be's would've been's
And as she casts her gaze around her now
Her subconscious quickening from a thought in the making
She vows to seize this memory ,with all that she's worth
Looking at her reflection, she erupts into a smile
Because she knows from now on, she'll live one day at a time

Whispers

Shhh..Your whispers awaken the voices within me
I've spent too long trying to quell these emotions shouting from inside me
Hidden in your subtle words are keys,
Smoothly unlocking the defences that skilfully protect me
It's the little things you do than undo me
Like the kiss on my cheek,
Or the way you take my hand when we're crossing the street
All I know is the world that surrounds me
Now, you threaten to bring it apart
What will remain when your science unnerves me?
Tell me please or let me be me.

Stranger

Hello, who's on the line? I asked in a tone of mounting impatience…Still, all I could hear was silence. Usually, I would hang up..But it was a warm summer afternoon, the skies were blue, the drop-tops were on parade, and I was doing nothing, absolutely bored out of my brains..

I raised the pitch of my voice..I can hear breathing, "you might as well say something"? I barked into the phone. Next thing I heard was a click on the other end..I sighed in disappointment.."Another wasted phone call"..I whispered to myself, realising that I was waiting on a phone call from somebody, anybody to save me from this imposed state of inertia I found myself in..

MTV Base were playing the same old songs, my house was empty, and I was yearning for some activity..Scrolling down the names on my rather trendy 7610 for probably the seventh time that afternoon..E.F..G..M..still nobody sprang to mind..I was lingering on a 'P" entry when my phone burst out with the ever so familiar tune I loved to hear..Private Number, Hello? My voice slightly more receptive than it was the last time..I could hear somebody clearing their throat on the other end of the line..I could tell it was a guy..hmm, interesting, these things seemed to happen so much more in the summer..Anyway, he decided to say "Hi".."Can I speak to X, please?" I thought, what a lousy entrée..however, I said " Speaking" in the chirpiest voice I could muster..

The conversation that ensued was quite suprising..This stranger seemed cool, calm, charismatic ,even. It was almost as though he knew the right things to say, and my, his timing was perfect.We talked for three long hours…about almost everything..and nothing at all..He hadn't told me that much about his life, and obviously, neither had I..I was living on the edge, this could be a stalker, weirdo..even a murderer..I laughed at the weird images being conjured up in my head..Whatever..I thought, I was bored..and he must be an angel sent to save me from tearing my hair out..

Hmm,I wanted to speak to this guy another day..I had to give him something that'll make him come back for more..Afterall, men were hunters weren't they? I needn't have worried though..He had just asked if he could call me back the day after..I summoned up my hesitant voice."If you want to"..I muttered, meaning ..You had better call me,and ASAP!!

The next eighteen nights were spent speaking to this stranger night after night, three, sometimes four hours a night..By this time, I had started to wonder what he looked liked, Tall? Cute? Dark?.I hoped he'd be all these things, although something reminded me .."If it's too good to be true, it probably is"!!..I couldn't even tell my friends I was hooked by a guy whose face I had never seen..I would be made the laughing stock of the season..I decided that it was time to put an end to this nonsense..I would ask him on the date the next time he called me..I couldn't call him..I had told him that I didn’t want to have his number..

One weekend later..here I was.waiting for my stranger on the middle of Putney bridge(cliché right? It wasn't my suggestion, really..It wasn't!)..We agreed to wear pink shirts just for the sake of it..So anyway..standing right bang of what I perceived to be the centre of this bridge, I looked around for a tall, dark, hunk of a guy..Nothing..I took my shades off..and still nothing..Collecting my thoughts, maybe he was late, maybe he was lost..Oh, I was such a fool..IF this ever got out..Maybe this was a prank??

Then my phone rang..It was the legendary "Private number"..My heart skipped a bit.I said hello..He asked me turn around..ok..STOP..I told myself..did I really want to do this? I knew if I didn't like what I saw, that would be the end of it..I mean..What would be the point??I felt him behind me, his eyes piercing a hole in my brand new,pink,Diesel top..I knew he could sense my hesitation..He had proven he could read me like a book..I wanted to swing round, but I just couldn't..Suddenly, I felt his hands around my waist..Hmm, Firm,,I could see his shadow on the ground beside me..good, he was taller than I was..He drew me to him..I blushed..My head rested involuntarily on his chest..Firm again..I closed my eyes..Now, I didn't care what he looked like..

I turned around with my eyes closed..I leant up to give him a hug..Wait..his hair felt different..Shocked, I opened my eyes..My guy was white..The blood rushed away from my brains..I was confused and clueless for a split second..He leant over and whispered a few words in my ear..I cracked up, put my hand in his and walked into the sunset..

It's been Five years of bliss…Of course we have our arguments differences, etc, etc..But I know he loves me, and I love him too..He cries harder when I cry, laughs even louder when I laugh..He's a guy's guy though..Can't talk when AC Milan is on TV..Won't let me watch Desperate Housewives in the weekend..But he never lets me forget that he's mine..I wanted Romance, Peace,A cute guy to call my own..He's oozes charisma, the most intelligent man I've met..He might not be the Dark guy I had wanted, but who cares? All that was in the past..

One last thing how did he get my number..Ahh..My friends knew all along!!

Truly Something

LOL.I'm in love..!! Truly, yes I am..Question is "Who is the object of this publicly professed affection".Hmm, maybe it would be best to delete the "who",and replace it with "what"..

Last night, I went to see John Legend perform at the Shepherd's Bush Empire..As this stunner's voice saturated the crowded auditorium. I was almost moved to tears..We're just ordinary people, we don't know which way to go..I had to close my eyes at one point, and feel the music penetrating my flesh, his voice consuming my being..Wow, I was out of breath..Sing, sing sing..

Song after song, he took me higher, higher..I knew I would dread the fall..Then he did it..So high..Lets go to the place where only lovers go…to a spot that we've never known.to the top of the clouds we're floating away..Ooh.this feels so crazy..Ohh this love is blazing..Baby, we're soo high..Walking on cloud 9…Cloud 9, Surely I was higher..This man's piano was one with his voice..Just as I thought, his voice had reached its threshold, he would break yet another sound barrier..

I was afraid to open my eyes..the images conjured before me were provoking emotions in me that I didn't know existed..And we can't get much closer to God than where we are..My, Surely some day..Opening my eyes to the thousands of couples who were probably thinking that they were as close to God as they could possibly get,did not help..trust me..

In the midst of all this confusion, I realise that I too am in love..in love with Music..I find that when I'm down, ecstatic, lonely, bored..I turn on my stereo, shed a tear or two.and I'm alive and kicking..The notes reach far beyond into corners only a guy would dream of..LOL..I'm so in love..An evening in with Boyz 2 men, Joe,Indie Arie, John Legend and Tupac can do more for me than most people can imagine..!! I go through all the motions, in just one night..Pain, Glee, Rage..Love..Beautiful really..Or is it on a Sunday morn, when the choir are ministering to my undoubtedly sinful soul..but there's something so serene and pure, even, about voices crying out to God..in unison..No pride, no cynicism, just me, bringing all I have and am worth to his table.as the music plays..

Last night was truly something..I was reminded that Friends come and friends go..Storms rise and winds blow..But one thing I know for sure..When it's cold outside..There's no need to worry cuz..I'm so warm inside..Music give me peace..When the storm's outside..Cuz we're in love I know..It'll be alright..Alright it's alright..

In The End

Love me, love me. Please never leave me. I overheard Miss White whisper to a man whose name will always remain a mystery. Being the busybody that I am, I stopped dead in my tracks..waiting silently for the man I had come to know as Mr A to reply..He said nothing.Pause ,sniff, sniff..and still nothing.Thoughts are racing through my head..Can he not hear her heart crying out to him? I could feel her pain piercing through the surprisingly warm autumn night..i wish I hadn’t stopped..Darn, why am I so nosy..I almost slapped myself, but decided that the ground didn’t look like it was willing to swallow me if I was caught intruding on thos rather awkward moment..Finally, I heard a rich baritone (women have always been suckers for a charmer) utter the words that would change my life forever.." You knew the deal from the start, I never lied to you."He stressed the word "Never"..At that point, I risked it, and ran all the way to my bed.
That night I thought, One score and two years I’ve been here,..and I’m still Ignorant..That night,I vowed to turn a new leaf..Tomorrow would be a new beginning. No more would I be meek like the lamb. I cried for Miss White and cursed at the countless Mr. A’s I knew were out there..Tomorrow, I will become a Lion.Strong, fierce..King of the Jungle, feared by all, and respected by many…I looked around me now,and I all I could see was fear..Fear that led to failure, rejection, poverty, pain..No, not I sir..I will prowl the world, seeking my prey, and taking what I will by force.,.Try me, anyone who dares..Noone can stop me, noone.not even him..I look at the picture ripped to bits, littered on my beautiful cashmere rug..Life’s not fair, but I refuse to be taken prisoner..I reflect for a moment on all those that have caused me pain in the past,and I vow to have my revenge..
This morning was the start of a new me..Fearless, I go about my daily chores.. I feel free from all the chains that held me down. Liberated from the emotions that tortured me..I don’t care any more..I hear Kelis blasting from my IPOD..do you care? Oh no..Do you care? Oh no..
Then…as I’m walking home after a long, hard fear-free day..I see a couple walking by..He says he loves her..She says "I love you too"..She’s holding some flowers..They’re both wearing rings..I sigh..I almost made it..Before I go to bed that night, I shed yet again my newly acquired skin..Maybe tomorrow I’ll be an owl..

Tobi wrote this for me- bless her!

now she lays herself to sleep
her mind is hollow thers no one wit strenght for her to borrow
yet she has so much to give,
she is a reflexion of luv,& passion of the good things in life even as she sleeps
her heart seems to skip a beat, as memories of the ones lost come flooding back like water thru a creek
subconcious, she longs for a soul of virtue to call her own
one that is meek and not weak, that possess the attributes of her father
one who's strenght isd known
however, in the mist of the uncertainties that bubble inthe deep
lies this hope for her to keep
the precious stone that makes her spirit glow
theres more of her father in her that she knows

Watch her go

She comes into a crowded room, yes people stop and stare
Not because of the pretty face, there's just something from within
She glides across the space between, a knowing smile on her lips
From the corner of her eye, she catches the men looking on in awe
And their women jealously stealing glances her way
Head held high, exaggerating her beautiful slender neck
She searches for her deserving niche
Of course she's not the prettiest, she doesn't even have the slimmest frame
So what, they wonder makes her hold your gaze
She is an African queen
Wonderfully and cheerfully made.
Her breasts are not the largest, her stomach not the firmest but..
Her eyes are radiant as the sun encrusted in a smooth, symmetrical caramel face
Nipples stand taut and firm, daring you to have a look
The curves on her, she works like magic with every twist and turn you watch her make
Still, still. what intoxicates you is her confidence..
She knows she is beautiful, doesn't care what you think
Her body is a temple, only the brave dare draw near
Sculpted to the makers taste
Yes, she's an African Queen.

I know

Its all too easy to complain
The grass is rarely ever green enough
But every now and again
I have to stop and acknowledge
Acknowledge the one who made me
For I am perfect in his eyes
He knows the contours of my being
Every single facet of this self
Sometimes I break into a song
Cos I know there's only me
People never really understand
What lives beneath that charming smile
No matter what you think of me
It'll be as it was meant to be

Just Because

Getting on a plane is always an emotional experience. As my seat belt is tightened around my waist, I wonder with mounting curiosity what it is that lies before me. Unknown lands to explore, strange faces to register, foreign cultures to acknowledge, and in those moments I marvel.Cos there is one that knows it all, the one that knows the beginning from the end, and the end from the beginning..So I stop, and ponder the privilege and pleasure of being owned and directed by such a being. He's overwhelming yet patient, consuming yet kind, omnipresent yet focused…And I smile..cos I know that because he lives, I can face tomorrow..

I need not worry or sweat about what lies ahead.I break out in a smile..As I rise above the clouds,I acknowledge that he has made me the head and not the tail,I know that for me, even the sky is not the limit..and then pause..I sense the nagging of a thought contrary, and I know it's the dark one trying to convince me that my sins can never be forgiven.I start to falter, but I remember the word, and that he died to set me free..and I ask the devil to flee.He can not rest within..

On the journey, back, the cycle is complete…I reflect on the familiar faces, previously unknown, all the street names that used to be letters in a map..and I know that the Lord is good..and that his thoughts towards me are those of good, and not of evil to bring me to an expected end..Halleluyah..I rest my case.

Today..

All eyes are cast to the future..
Pondering the should be's, the could be's and the would be's
But sometimes I look to now.
And right now.
I'm glad you're here

What's in a phone call?

I was sitting in the lobby of the Sherlock Holmes.
Sipping on a low fat mocha
All was fine..except..except
This twinge at the back of my mind
I tried to reach out, but couldn't quite make it..
Why wouldn't I go home
Sitting all alone was being no fun.

Suddenly it hit me.
I was waiting for his call
As the train pulled slowly out of Farringdon
I could hear the words ringing in my head
'I'll call you back"
Subconsciously, I waited
But my Nokia 7610 sat silent,
In my newly acquired Hideo Wakamatsu bag.
Surely, I wasn't upset
Of course, it didn't really matter if he called
Desperately trying to convince myself.

Finally, my phone rings..
Heart leaps, I peer into my bag.
It was my ex.
I rush him off the phone.
This was no time for an anti-climax

As I tearfully went to bed that night
Cursing and binding the day that I met him
I vowed to have my revenge,
In this world or the next.
Halfway to Neverland
Not sure if I heard a ring
I watch myself pick up the phone
He says hello..
I smile..
And reach out my hand to Peter pan...

Just another day..

Yesterday was just like any other day..except
Strolling down West end lane, hands swinging by side..
No cares in this world…
I bump into this dark-skinned brother, lean, tall..
Dimple on left cheek..you know how I like them...
Ten feet away form me, our eyes meet…Pause
And I struggle to regulate my breathing
I look away, walk past, making sure to unnoticeably reduce my pace..
He has the knowing smile on his face as he strides past this awe stricken sister..

Now we're moving in opposite directions..
I reflect..Should I stylishly swing around
Has he gone too far..Have I missed my chance??
Why didn't he stop? If only I knew his name..
Sighing, I resolve to stealing one last glance..
Ninety-five degrees later, I stop, shocked..
He hasn't moved..he was standing there waiting..
Ecstatic I turned around..I walk towards him
He's waiting at the exact spot where his path crossed mine..
I'm smiling, eyes sparkling..watching him stand akimbo, the slightest grin to his lips..
My heart's racing, my head pacing. but my legs..moving like I'm early for work..
Wondering how to break the ice..I realise I needn't have bothered..
His lips have parted..He's he's uttered his name..
I blank out for a bit..

When I wake up, we're having coffee in Costa..
One day later, dinner for two
Day after that..Movies
Three days later, he's my man..
I'm glad I turned around...I usually wouldn't have..
He lives down the block from me... Has done so for the last 7 years

My man's not perfect, and neither am I..
But ten years later..Three kids and a dog..
I'm so happy one day was not like the rest..

The hard way..

Didn't ask you for money
Didn't ask you for diamonds
Didn't show you my bills
All these, I'll get in time..

Don't degrade the memories we shared
Don't undermine the time we invested
Don't mock the feelings we acknowledged
By saying all we had was a"fling"

Ok, I didn't have your ring
Ok, you didn't call me wife
Right, the world didn't know
But why must you hurt me so?

You were the only one
My friend, my love, my life
I would have given all
And now you mock my name

Sure, I've learnt my lesson
To another guy's demise
Please don't call me baby
Until you want the world to know